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My story....

Forum: Adoption


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March 10th, 2009, 12:10 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: My heart belongs in Washington DC
Posts: 6,415
I'm not sure why, but I feel I needed to get my adoption story out here. Maybe it's supposed to help encourage one of you moms who's getting frustrated with the adoption process.

My adopted parents had been trying to adopt and have kids for years, they finally got pregnant twice, both of them were high risk pregnancies where my twin brothers came a little over 2 months early and my other brother (a singleton) came a month and a half early.

Well, I was conceived by two teenagers who could not take care of me. They placed me for adoption, and as luck would have it, they picked my parents. My parents had decided to adopt before the youngest of my older brothers was even born but for some reason they hadn't been picked until he was close to two.

It was a pretty open adoption with my birth mother and father meeting my parents and my older brothers.

I came early, (I'm a September baby, but my due date was in October) so the first person to actually hold me was my birth father. He had attended the birth and he refused to let me stay alone in the hospital until my parents came. I later heard from him that he held me in the rocking chair at the hospital and sang the song "Earth Angel" to me (to this day it's my favorite song) and he promised me that he loved me and that he would be there for me when he wasn't such a screw up, "After I graduate High School, Angel, and I've got a job, I'll be there for you even if I can't raise you."

Right after I turned two, my parents got a letter from the agency they had adopted me from, it was from my birth father, (he was now an adult.) he wanted to be in contact with me. The way I hear it form my older brothers, is that it was quite a while before they (my parents) let my birth father have contact with me. I think my parents wanted to make sure that he wasn't going to fight for custody.

Finally, when I was nearly 3 my parents let me meet my birth father for the first time. I even remember it, we drove three hours in the rain, and I wasn't feeling well. We met at his apartment and we played with some of my dolls and he let me decide what we got for lunch (something big for a two year old.)

Over the years we got closer and he sent me Christmas presents and Birthday presents and I got to see him at least once a year. By the time I was 7 and he married my step mom, it didn't matter that he didn't raise me, he was my dad. As I told my dad (adopted) "if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here."

Because of his job, my birth father moved closer to where I lived. And I got to meet my younger sister for the first time when she was six months old. when I was almost 10. When I got old enough, I was able to babysit my sister and later my other siblings. We even attended the same church congregation for a little bit during my teenage years.

Now, like most families, there were some problems, my adopted Dad didn't appreciate the fact that I loved spending time with my half siblings so much. It created a huge rift between my parents, my adopted Dad really hated the fact that I spent so much time with them, my mother knew that my birth father (and in essence my half siblings) was a part of me and if she outright denied me contact with him, I'd do anything to re-establish it, she did help me with making sure I spent equal amounts of time with each family.

Everything came to a head one day during my junior year, right before my birth father moved to Utah. My adopted father said some pretty hurtful things such as I didn't care about them (my adopted family) and that my adopted mom didn't care about him because she encouraged me to spend time with my birth family. My mom wouldn't have any of my adopted dad's yelling. She yelled right back. (probably not the best course of action, but he'd insulted me, you don't insult one of my mom's kids and get away with it.) well, they got into a huge fight and that night, my dad moved out.

I wasn't even at home at the time I was at a choir competition. When I heard this, I ran over to my birth father's place. Normally I call ahead when I go to see my birth family, however this time I didn't. I just barged right in, using my key. After I sobbed the whole story out my birth father offered me a place to stay at his house, even saying that I could move to Utah with them if I needed to. When my adopted dad heard that, he blew his top. He threatened to have the police make me stay with my mom. However, I pointed out to him that I was close enough to 17 that any court in California would give me the choice of where to live (I wasn't 100% sure if it was true, but it sounded good.) and if he didn't straiten up I would choose my birth father.

That really whipped my dad into shape, he could tell that his attitude was hurting our relationship. He tried not to be as jealous and he tried to understand why I loved spending time with my other family so much. He wasn't perfect, he still isn't perfect about it, but he's trying.

While the last few years have been tough on all of us, it's been really fulfilling because that I got to see how much my birth father cared. When he offered me a place to stay when I was a teenager, he didn't really have the money to add another mouth to his budget, yet he and my step mom were willing to go into debt for me.

Like I said, I don't know why but I felt I need to get my story out there.

You might have noticed that I never said anything about my birth mother, that's because that part of my story hasn't been written yet. here's hoping that part is written someday.

Thank you to the wonderful ladies who mad the blinkies!

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude..... These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are percisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character and increase our compassion for others."
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March 10th, 2009, 08:06 AM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Lonestar State
Posts: 50,214
I was just about to ask about her, so I'm glad you threw that line into the story. Thanks for sharing. It's great that your bio dad never forgot about you. I know it's hard for bio moms to forget, but sometimes dad is completely out of the picture. He sounds great!
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March 10th, 2009, 05:06 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Thank you for sharing your story, hon.
Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

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