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For those who have adopted from foster care

Forum: Adoption


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August 14th, 2009, 01:55 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 18,951
Hi, I'm new here. My husband and I are in the process of adoption through foster care. We are not foster parents and this would only be for adoption for us. We are about halfway through our classes and should be starting our home study very soon. I have to admit that the classes are scaring me a bit. We have two daughter, my step daughter is 15 and our daughter is almost 4. We lost our infant son almost 2 years ago and that is why have decided to adopt. We are wanting a little boy age 3 and younger. My question is, for those who have gone this route, did your children have significant emotional problems when they came to you? I'm scared that I won't be able to be a good mom to a child with a lot of problems. Unfortunately since we already have a young one in the home we are having to be very careful about the child we adopt. My dh's cousin has a foster child right now who is 3 and for the most part she's fine. In fact she's staying with us over the weekend. They just make it sound so scary and hard and that every child will have such significant problems. Has anyone adopted one as young as we are hoping to and do they tend to remember a lot of the trauma?

Thanks Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggy!
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August 15th, 2009, 08:43 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Hi and welcome! I'm Beth. I have one bio daughter on earth and one bio son in heaven. I'm a foster parent who hopes to adopt too. I haven't adopted yet. We have had our foster son for over a year now. Though we hoped to adopt him (which is why he was moved to us) he is now going to be reunited with his paternal grandmother. He is severely developmentally delayed and autistic. But we said we would welcome children who had many special needs.

I think all adopted kids have some "issues" that they have to work through. Obviously the older the children are when they come into care and are adopted, the harder it will be for them. But I can tell even my little man was SO sad when he first came to my home. He just didn't understand at all what was happening (the thing I will hate the most when he leaves).

Many kids in foster care have issues. It is EXTRAORDINARILY rare to adopt a newborn through foster care (without having fostered that child), so you are usually their 2nd, 3rd, or more mother whom they've known and loved. Think how stressful that would be to you and then imagine being a small child who didn't understand this whole foster business anyway.

I always have said, go into it expecting it to be hard but looking for the good at every turn.

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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August 16th, 2009, 09:19 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 18,951
Thanks. I guess the classes are just scary.

Thanks Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggy!
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August 18th, 2009, 06:15 PM
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 135
Chrisa, I totally agree with you. They do make it sound really really hard and scary. I too wonder...wondered...if I could be a good mother to a child with significant issues. The answer is yes, but you need a strong support system. Build search and find anything, and resource whether it be books, others that have adopted, message boards. I think we'll be okay though
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August 27th, 2009, 12:38 PM
LadyLacy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 818
they do that to prepare you, not all cases will be like the cases they describe

M/C 6wks 4days Jan09 & 4wks 5days Nov 05, 3/25/09dnc[10wks 3d]Jan/24/2010[11wks baby stopped growing at 7+ wks]
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