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Forum: Adoption


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September 23rd, 2009, 05:26 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 932
SO we have been waiting for a call from the supervisor since last thursday to let SO know where his son is..etc... Well SO works on the rigs out of town...he is 6hrs away right now and doesnt really work buisness hours... So I asked him if he would like me to call today... he said yes please cuz this is stupid.
So I called today.. asked to speak to the supervisor...the lady on the phone basically told me off...i wasnt rude when I called... I asked what was going on because we had been waiting almost a week, I told her I understand ppl are buisy but its important we know where his son is...she tells me she cant tell me anything..which i replied I understand because Im not his guardian...BUT his DAD is wanting to know where his SON is and he works out of town and wont be back til next saturday. So I am trying to see why the supervisor never called HIM back.(I got a little rude) because after 2months this is ridiculous! besides how am i supposed to be a guardian when nobody will tell us where he is!!!!
She tells me that I could talk to her manager but she wont be back til next monday... I said what good willl that do the little boy in foster care when his dad has his room already. I then asked her is it not policy to call the bio parent that isnt living with them when they get removed...she says yes. I tell her well its been 2months and still no hey we have your kid.(by this time i was fuming)
She says well if the dad hasnt seen him in 6months they dont usually call..so i told her..he hasnt see him in 6months because the mom took off and she wasnt allowed 20km away. But left and when we called that in they said there was nothing they could do.
She tells me well we dont deal with custody issues!!! ARRRGHH thats not my point!
I guess she figured i was getting mad so she said well i can transfer you to my supervisors voicemail... so i left a nice voicemail and still havent got a call back.
When SO gets home we are going there and not leaving until we have his son! they cant keep him when my SO has done nothing wrong!!!

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September 23rd, 2009, 09:15 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
I can only imagine how utterly frustrating this is for you. A small piece of advice and you can take it or not, but try with every ounce of your being to remain as utterly calm and kind as you possibly can. You can be pushy while being nice and this is what you need to do. I know it seems completely unfair and unwarrented, but in reality this is probably not really their fault at DHR.

From their point of view...
-They removed a child from an unsafe environment in his mother's care.
-They did not have record or any way to know that the child's father was out there or even who he was unless the mom said it... and often mom does not.
-They now have someone who is not mom or dad calling to ask about the child. This person says she is with dad, but who is say that is true? They've not spoken with dad yet (possibly from not calling him back... which isn't acceptable, but the busyness of their job makes it happen quite often), so they cannot give out information to anyone.

So while I COMPLETELY understand your frustration and would feel the SAME way if they tables were turned I can say from experience that you cannot show them that frustration.

Right now, they have control of the situation. Even legally there is not a lot that can be done to change what has happened. I'm not sure of your rules in Canada, but here even the bio family must have a homestudy and background check completed before the child is placed back into their care. I'd start by calling your worker again (or the supervisor) and say, "I know there isn't a lot you can tell me about this case. I understand your position. I just want to know what we need to start doing in order to get my SO's son home as soon as possible. Should I call someone else? Should I prepare for a homestudy? Should I be working on background checks on myself and my SO?" Be very nice. Never show a hint of frustration. But don't back down. If she is adamant that your SO must be there ask to schedule a time to meet the DAY he gets home. Then go and meet with them at their office. Go through all that you have. Bring everything that shows he is dad (if he has birth certificates, custody arrangments, photos, any documents). Bring pictures of your home and what will be his room. Offer a time (that day even) that the worker can come out to visit your home and be certain it is safe and secure for him. Ask for a list of things that must be complete before he can come home. Write it down and before you leave ask her and your SO to sign it that says all the things that you have to do before he can come home.

Again, my favorite line is you have to be very nice and very pushy!

I wish you the best! KUP!

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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