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putting my baby up for adoption.. questions

Forum: Adoption


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February 9th, 2010, 11:35 AM
k_luvs_c's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern California
Posts: 72
Sorry if this is in the wrong board...

I just found out I'm about 5 weeks pregnant. I'm 22, about to graduate college in May but without any guarantee of a job or support from my family. My boyfriend doesn't want to keep it, and right now he's encouraging abortion. I just don't feel right about it, so I'm seriously considering putting the baby up for adoption.

I worry that if I put the baby up for adoption, I'll be contributing to a surplus of unwanted children in the world, and it would probably be best for me to put my and my boyfriend's lives on hold and be parents.

But it seems like it is actually difficult for people to adopt? Could this actually really be helping a couple? If they didn't get my baby, wouldn't they just as easily be able to get another? (and then, because of my selfishness, my baby would be taking another place that another less-fortunate baby could have had, you know?)

How would I go about finding stable, loving parents?
Would it be difficult for me to even find a home for the baby?

Thank you for any advice!
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February 9th, 2010, 12:42 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,175
I am sorry you're having to make this difficult decision. We adopted our twin sons last year, we hadn't been in the adoption process at all, but we couldn't have a 2nd child. We heard about the twins thru a co-worker of my FIL-and FIL knew we wanted to adopt. You baby will be loved by someone whether you find an adoptive family yourself, or go through an agency. We love our three adopted children just as much as our first bio son-there is no difference in my heart or eyes where these babies grew for 40 weeks. There are so many infertile couples out there who will love and cherish your baby. ((HUGS))

Lucky mother to five!

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February 9th, 2010, 02:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 3,000
(((HUGS))) I am sorry you are having to make this tough decision. There are many, many people in the United States wanting to adopt infants. If you go through an agency you will probably be able to go through profiles and pick the family you choose to adopt your child. You will not be taking a good home away from another baby. You will be making an couple that desperately wants a child very happy. You could also do as my daughter's birth mother did and find an adoptive family for your baby yourself. She came to us and asked us if we wanted to adopt her baby when she was only a couple of months pregnant. She knew us very well and knew that we would still allow her to see our daughter whenever she wanted. If you are worried about how your baby would be loved and cared for, I can tell you that the adoption process is very long and they really check out the families before they allow them to adopt. We were checked for health problems, financial problems, our house was inspected, and our family members called before our adoption was allowed to be finalized. I can also agree with the previous poster and tell you that I love my daughter with all my heart. I don't have any biological children, but I am certain that I love her as I would if she were biologically mine. She is everything to me. I know this is a really hard decision for you to make. There is also a birth mother's board here that might also be able to help you and give you some more insight. Just know that you do have a little time to weigh your options before you are have to decide.

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February 9th, 2010, 02:54 PM
Claysgirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 823
Feel free to come join us on the Birth Mom's board if you want advice from us ladies who have chosen adoption for our children.
Momma to Matthew 4-15-09
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February 10th, 2010, 05:31 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Yes, in sure the birth moms board would be SUCH a support for you through this time. I'm sorry you are having to make such a hard decision. I thank you very much for considering adoption. As the US is right now, babies who are willingly found a forever home before or right after birth are definitely not a surplus. There is a surplus of waiting parents, however.

My best friend gave up her twin girls for adoption not too long ago. She went through a wonderful agency and was able to look through the profiles of waiting parents. She found the perfect family for her girls and they walked through her whole pregnancy with her. The girls are now 6 months old and absolutely thriving with their parents. My friend receives pictures of them almost weekly and updates on how they are. Theirs is an open adoption, so she can keep up with the progress

thank you for considering blessing someone with the ultimate gift!!

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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February 10th, 2010, 02:52 PM
wildchihuahua's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 1,488
I just want to say good luck to you as you make this difficult decision. We haven't adopted yet, but plan to get that process going soon as we can't wait to have another addition to our family. There are so many families out there who would love your child as their own. I wish you the best!

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February 14th, 2010, 07:39 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Southern Iowa
Posts: 23,407
Send a message via Yahoo to MountainMomma
The wait for an infant (which is what many adoptive parents are hoping for) can be very long. We are starting the process of fostering/adoption through the Department of Human Services and have been told in advance the youngest we can expect to adopt is an 8 year old. We will foster and possibly adopt a foster child, but we definitely want to work with a private agency as well so that we can adopt an infant.

This is a very difficult decision that you need to make, but yes, I truly believe that if you choose adoption, you will be making someone's dreams come true. I know that I myself can't wait to get the call that I have an infant ready to come home to me. I just wish that call was coming sooner.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my new siggy!

Click on my blinkies to tour some of my favorite boards!
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February 19th, 2010, 02:16 PM
Bug-n-Ed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,521
(((((HUGS))))) To even be considering placing your baby for adoption is a wonderful thing. There are many adoption agencies out there that will offer counseling and group support sessions with other birth parents whether you end up choosing to place or choosing to parent.

My husband and I have been waiting for an infant adoption since August of last year. The waiting time for infants on average is about 2-3 yrs. Placing your child for adoption would be adding another "unwanted" child to the world, because infants especially, are very much wanted in many families. If you want to see my husband and mine's adoptive couple profile, just PM me and I'll send you the link. Good luck in your decision.
Mommy to Brandon (12) and Edward (10)
Emma and Ellie (4)

picture does not represent current ages

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March 4th, 2010, 09:46 AM
Bella's Mommy.
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: California
Posts: 27
Just wanted to say good luck with your choice <3
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March 4th, 2010, 08:27 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 25,747
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hugs good luck with your decision
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March 21st, 2010, 04:57 PM
Posts: n/a
*lurker* here and just wanted to offer support! I understand your worries and concerns. No I do not have adoptive children or have put a child up for adoption. I do have a positive experience with adoption. I have 2 younger sisters who we adopted and it has been amazing for me and my family! I absolutely love them, they are my SISTERS and were meant to be. I could not imagine my life without them...I got to be a big sister because their parents (they are not blood siblings either--seperate adoptions) were able to make that tough decision to put them up for adoption. So yes, their birth parents gave us a gift--a gift that I get to enjoy everyday. Never once did we want to give them away...never once did we regret...never once had I thought how my life would be without them--because I adore them dearly and am head over heels over the moon for them both. I find myself a little over protective because I want to make sure they are always okay. We do have a very open relationship and they know they can come to me with any concerns. One of my sisters has a mother who has been in and out of jail..drug addict etc. you name it, she has probably done it. So from a young age, my sister has had to fight to survive. Adoption isn't for everyone...but it has been so wonderful for us.
My husband and I consider adopting ourselves because we believe whether I carry our children or not...they are OUR children and part of our lives. Children are blessing indeed.
So hugs...it is a hard decision...and one not easy to come by. I hope that you can find the answers you are looking for and strength to decide what is best for you and your family.
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April 8th, 2010, 12:07 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1
To answer your question, putting your baby up for adoption would NOT be contributing to a surplus of unwanted children. Yes, you WOULD be making another couple very, very happy. There are far more couples unable to have children that desperately want a family, than there are "unwanted" children in the United States. Well, I should say, than there are children up for adoption.

We adopted our first child 2 years ago this week, and these are the happiest 2 years of my life. But we were ready for children and had been trying to get pregnant for years. We are not trying to go to school, or start careers, or find a life partner. The timing was right for us to have children, so we cherish every moment.

Good luck with your decision!
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April 13th, 2010, 08:18 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
It must be so hard to make that decision. I just wanted to let you know that there are many couples out there that wish and dream for a baby; you would be giving them the ultimate gift of happiness.

I wish you the best.

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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May 3rd, 2010, 08:37 AM
Join Date: May 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 6
I just want to say you will not be contributing to surplus of unwanted children. I have had a miscarriage and just gave birth to a baby boy on April 14 to have him die 11 hours later, I am considering adoption and just want to say you and the many others out there putting their baby's up for adoption give us hope that we can one day become parents and love and give tons of kisses and hugs to a baby one day. I cant wait till I am able to hold a baby in my arms and spend sleepless hours just holding him or her thanking god for this precious baby that was given to me by someone like you . It takes a very strong women to put her baby up for adoption so I with you the best of luck.
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May 4th, 2010, 05:26 PM
SuperMartianRobotMom6's Avatar Proud Mama & Happy Wife
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 3,968
I agree with the consensus, you would not be contributing to the surplus of unwanted children.

Your best bet could be going through a church organization. They'll offer counseling and spiritual giuidence for you and the couple that you choose. Also most churches do very intense criminal background checks on their possible parents.

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May 6th, 2010, 01:10 AM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 3
I just found this forum doing a search and read your thread, I am sorry you are in this position, but there is definetly a family that would adopt your baby. I was adopting a baby boy and had him for 6 months and then he had to go back with his mother, I am heartbroken, I loved this baby as if he were mine and wanted to give him everything, I knew I could give him the love and care that he was not getting from his mother and I am so sad. I am finally ready to start looking at adopting again, at first I wasn't sure if I could deal with another possible heartbreak but I miss him everyday and desperately want a baby. I live in Northern California also!! If you would like to talk more I would love it, even if it is just to talk and need a compassionate ear. Whatever you do it will be a hard decision but don't feel like you are adding to more unwanted children. Good luck.
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October 29th, 2010, 08:59 AM
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1
Hi if you are still thinking abt it please contact me i would love have a baby ive been wantting to adopt but its very long process but if you still thinking abt it i wold love to give your baby a good home and family i would go thru the process wit u of adopting the baby thank you 4 taking the time to read my post god bless.
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October 31st, 2010, 11:22 PM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Japan
Posts: 4,016
HUGS! i think all these ladies have said it all..there are many people like myself who would love to adopt your child and care for he or she! You are not in anyway contributing to unwanted children...if you feel that you can care for him or her..then try...it doesnt ever hurt..there are lots of people who never thought they wanted children and were scared to do it alone..but have made it! What ever you chose..im sure there is somenone that will love your baby! God gave this child to you for a reason..weather it be to make someone who cannont have a child a parent or for you to be a momma..i pray that you make the right choice for yourself! Good luck..and big huge hugs!
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November 3rd, 2010, 03:53 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1
My name is Hayden, (with the help of my parents), I am writing this to ask if you would consider my family to be your intended family for this journey. I am 9 years old, (and am getting quite older now), and there is something missing, and that is a sibling for me to love and teach things to. Oh and for my mommy and stepdad to care, love unconditionally and bring up in a way that would make you proud. I just wish they could find someone that will understand the long hard journey they have been through so far to become parents again with broken hearts. So if you could work with my parents that would be cool. No one is ever financially ready for a child, but to have LOVE its NEVER ENDING, so I PROMISE YOU THIS, my new sibling will be LOVED SO MUCH!!

If its a boy I will teach him how to play basketball and skateboard, since I like them the best out of all sports, and if its a girl I'm not afraid to play with barbies, do dress up, paint her nails and even do her hair. My dog Ravyn wants another playmate too. My mommy and stepdad really want another child to love, but daddy chris says, mommy's belly is broken. Please help our family grow and be abundantly blessed with another child, with your help!
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