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Forum: Adoption


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March 17th, 2010, 11:35 PM
-*Michelle*-'s Avatar Co-Host of the MAM 07 PR!
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Maryland
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Hi my name is Michelle, I am happily married and momma to 3 LO's. I had to have c-sections with all of my children and after my last child I was told I am not able to carry anymore children. This was hard to accept because we had planned at least one more to complete our family. I didn't feel like we were finished.

Anyway, my BIL and his gf are expecting their 3rd child. They don't have custody of their oldest 2 and they live with her family. However she has already told us she doesn't want this baby and is "giving it away" as she put it. My DH and I have discussed it and we are considering adopting the baby. We have discussed it with them but no one else in the family just yet. I am very very nervous about this because while they are unstable , I am concerned that once we are settled and attached to the baby that they will come back and try to take him. I'm also nervous about my youngest who will be 1 in June being so close in age with the baby. I know there are a lot of conditions that come along with this but in my heart I can't let this baby live in their situation when I know that we are stable and can provide for him.

Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks

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March 18th, 2010, 08:57 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Do you think that your BIL will go along with that? Sometimes birthparents prefer not to know the people who have their children and other times they are excited at that possibility.

I believe they have 6 months to change their minds and after that it is extremely difficult to revoke an adoption order, so you shouldn't have to worry too much about the coming back years later thing.

BTW, welcome to the board. I'm a foster and foster to adopt parent. We're hoping to adopt a boy we've had a year and a half and just in the waiting time to see what the judge says about possibly sending him to his bio-grandmother.

I hope everything works out for the best for everyone involved!! Good luck and KUP.

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March 28th, 2010, 03:29 PM
Bug-n-Ed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,521
How long they have to change their minds depends on your state laws regarding adoption. Check into your state laws and see what the time frame is. I've recently been in contact with an expectant mother who is considering placing her twins and she's in Alabama. Because I'm in Utah, I needed to look up the laws in Alabama regarding adoption. In Alabama, once the relinquishment papers are signed, the birth parents have five days from the birth or five days from when the papers were signed -- whichever is the later date, to change their minds and revoke the relinquishment. It can be increased to 14 days if a judge determines it'd be in the best interest of the child to stay with it's birth parents.

In Utah, once the relinquishment is signed, that's it. There is no revoking it, but an adoption can not be finalized for six months.

So, it really varies and you need to look into your state laws.
Mommy to Brandon (12) and Edward (10)
Emma and Ellie (4)

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March 28th, 2010, 04:13 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,175
Up here in our province, birth parents have 10 days from date of signing away guardianship to withdraw their consent. After ten days, its done until the adoption order goes through. Tell them you are there for them if they choose to give you their child, encourage them to seek counselling about it, and wait and see. Worse case scenario, they keep the baby, do a crappy job, and you apply for guardianship then adoption, or however the system works down there. Or encourage them to give the baby up for adoption to another family who can take care of it.

Lucky mother to five!

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March 28th, 2010, 07:04 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Tami, I'm in Alabama. My friend recently gave her twins up for adoption. She had to wait 10 days after their birth before she could sign the papers and the parents had to remain in Alabama for 2 months (I think it was right around there) before moving back to their home state to finalize everything. I'm not sure if that was agency rules or what though. I know my friend said she always felt those babies were their parents' children and not hers. She felt mostly like a surrogate from the moment she met the parents so she never thought about changing her mind.

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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