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Forum: Adoption


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February 24th, 2011, 02:49 PM
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Yes, yet another JM member coming to this board with questions. LOL

For various health reasons my DH and I have decided that we would like to adopt our next child. We have begun to research all the different types and methods of adoption. After much discussion we have decided that the best option for our family is a domestic adoption of a child ranging in age from newborn to 3 years old. We don't care what the gender of the child is but we have also decided that, with two children already, we are not in the place to adopt a highrisk child. So now I have come here with some questions that hopefully some of you can answer for me.

We have discovered that we can go about adopting several ways: through an agency, an adoption attorney, and the foster care system. We are not interested in fostering to adopt but we have a close friend who is a foster parent. She has put us in contact with the case worker (in fact the only case worker in our county) that works with placement. We have been told that adopting through her is cheaper and easier than through an agency. Of course who knows what the wait time will be...KWIM? We were told that the Adoption Attorney's can match us very quickly (like 3-6 months) but it is pretty expensive. One quote we received placed the cost close to $50K. They explained that we would have to pay for advertising and of course the fees to retain the attorney. It seems like with the agencies the birth mother picks you and after you make your profolio you could wait for years to be choosen.

I'm really hoping that someone here can share their experience with me. How did you go about adoption? What are your experiences with Agencys, Adoption Attorneys, and/or the foster care system? Is there a way for the Adopting parent to choose the child or is it usually the birth mother that chooses you?

Last edited by ZeliaMarie; February 24th, 2011 at 03:52 PM.
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February 25th, 2011, 01:56 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Hey girl! I'm a foster parent and a foster to adopt parent, so my experiences are mainly through the foster system.

If you go through the foster system, you can straight adopt. The wait can be very long if you have specifics that you will/will not take. Most children who are available for adoption through the states (no current family ties) are usually older (5 years old or older) or have medical issues. If you foster to adopt, you can get a perfectly healthy baby (not a guarantee) and then adopt later, but that child can also be placed with family or reunited with the birth family. There are a LOT of unknowns in the foster system, and it isn't for everyone. The cost for adoption through the state is completely free. That is a great thing about adopting through foster care. Also, you can choose the child. You'd be looking at the child's profiles (and your caseworker would be looking for a child who meets the wants you've talked about).

Private domestic adoption is usually quicker and more guaranteed that you'll get a baby with little to no health issues. The wait time varies. The costs are very high normally. But there are some grants you can apply for, sometimes companies will help with the costs (if you work for them) and you can do fundraisers and such. There are a number of people on here (or have been on here) where the adoption of their children kind of "fell into their laps." People start hearing that you and your DH are looking to adopt and their friends' kids' cousin needs to find a home for their child and suddenly you are matched that way. That can be a lot cheaper, but not guaranteed either.

I know it is a lot of information. Adoption is SO worth it! I'm so happy you guys are looking into it. I can't wait to hear your story!!

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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February 25th, 2011, 04:27 PM
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Thanks for the information. I talked to a few people today and my head is spinning. There is just so much information out there. Even though we had said that we were leaning more towards domestic adoption we are now also looking into South Korea and Russia. Our assistant pastor gave us some great resources and we have been able to speak with some families in our area who have gone through international adoptions.

Has anyone worked with America World Adoption and/or New Beginnings? We have contacted each organization to request more information. The application fee for New Beginnings is only $50 and it sounds like a great program...

If you don't want to share your experience here please feel free to PM me.

There is just so much to learn about adopting. I've already spent many late nights online researching. But, even though it is a little overwhelming, it's also very exciting.

Last edited by ZeliaMarie; February 25th, 2011 at 08:52 PM.
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February 27th, 2011, 11:58 AM
angel3y35's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,810
I don't have much advice I can give you since we're just now getting into the process. We decided to use a facilitator. They had no application fee and a flat fee of $17,000. We still have to pay for a home study. They vary by state and agency but ours is going to be $1000.00 plus $100 for fingerprint / background check. We also have to get an attorney $4000-$5000. Plus the birth mother expenses (we set the limit on how much we are willing to spend). All total it will end up being around $25,000. With our preferences and background (jobs, small town, nice neighborhood, etc...) we were told we would probably have a match within 6 months of them receiving our profile, though there are no promises. Honestly with private adoption pretty much everything depends on how "picky" you are about the child you want.

Oh, we also made sure we chose a agency that did not charge different prices for different races. Some do and we didn't want any part of that. A child is a miracle no matter the race or gender!

Thanks to :shortcake: for my siggy

Our adoption miracle born 12/31/13

06/2004 - Lap for endo and cysts
08/2006 - Lap for endo and cysts
02/2010 - Lap for endo, cysts, and hydrosalpinx repair
02/2011 - Lap for endo, cysts, and RSO
12/2011 - TAH and LSO
5/2012 - Lap for adhesions
4/2013 - Lap for adhesions
Stage IV endometriosis, sever adenomyosis, PCOS, IC
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February 27th, 2011, 09:29 PM
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Thank you ladies for your help and advise. We have decided to move forward with an agency that works closely with Poland. We know the wait time will be about 2 years (1 year for all the paper work then another for matching...travel to country..and bringing the child home). We are OK with the wait. There are many reasons why we have decided to go with international over domestic but one is because at the time of the match, the child is already free and cleared for adoption...meaning we don't have to worry about birthmother expenses or a birthmother changing her mind. We know this also means we will not get a newborn...in fact the child will probably be around 1 1/2 to 2 years of age. But that is also fine with us. My DS will be 2 1/2 by that time. While it will be stressful, I think it would be a blessing to have 2 toddlers and a preschooler.

Our next step is to send in our application for approval.....then let the paper chase begin...we will see what happens..
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February 28th, 2011, 09:36 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Yay for making decisions!! That sounds awesome and I look forward to following your journey!

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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