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waiting to be chosen

Forum: Adoption


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June 15th, 2011, 05:38 PM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 141
I just wondered if anyone feels as crazy as I do with the whole waiting to be chosen! I mean seriously I am a very even person but this whole waiting thing is making me feel nutso!! We've been waiting over a year now and I know we've been shown like 4 times or so in the last several months. I feel like the fat kid in gym class that no one wants to pick for their kickball team. Anyone else feel this way as you were waiting to be chosen by an emom?
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June 16th, 2011, 06:15 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
I didn't do that type of adoption, but waiting for the phone to ring from DHR is a similar feeling I would guess. But at least we don't know when we are considered and passed over! That would be hard! Hugs to you! Try to remember that when you are chosen, it will be perfect. Everything will mesh at that point. KUP!

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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June 24th, 2011, 07:55 AM
Bug-n-Ed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,521
When we were waiting I literally felt like I was going insane. Constantly wondering if the phone call was the agency telling us an e-mom chose us, wondering if our friends/family were actually passing out our adoption pass along cards or not, just the whole not knowing when it would happen was awful.

I like to plan for things and to have it completely out of my control was really hard. Then one day, my friend asked me if we'd be okay adopting twins as someone she used to watch kids for knew of someone who was considering placing twins for adoption. I told her we were okay with that and to pass along one of our cards. Three weeks went by and we hadn't heard anything. I thought for sure that the e-mom had either changed her mind or decided to place with another family. The next day, I got an email from the e-mom. The day after that we met her, she told us that she would be honored to place her twins with us.

The twins are now almost three months old. From the start of paperwork for this adoption to when we were placed was about two years. It was a long wait with ups and downs. Contact with a couple e-moms outside of the agency who ultimately decided to place with other families or parent, one case where a friend who's a social worker at a hospital was trying to convince an e-mom it was better to place than to have DCFS take the baby. That e-mom unfortunately thought that her bio mom would come to the rescue and help her take care of the baby(the e-mom had just aged out of the foster care system. She was in foster care because her bio mom had abused her). She had our profile in hand and decided not to choose any family to place with. Her baby was put into foster care and my friend told me that the baby would be put with a pre-adoptive family as the e-mom wasn't capable of caring for herself yet alone a baby. We also asked our agency to switch caseworkers after a year of dealing with a caseworker who didn't really know us and didn't seem to want to know us. After the switch, we felt much more comfortable and cared for by our new caseworker.

So, that got a little long, but the point of it all is, yes, waiting can drive you insane, but it'll all be worth it when the child that is meant for your family comes. It may be tomorrow that you get that call, or it may be a couple more years down the road. I'm not sure if you are religious and pray or not, but prayer helped me get through the wait a lot. If you do pray, make sure you follow any direction you feel you get in regards to adoption. That may mean changing agencies, advertising more via parent profiles or pass along cards. As hard as it is, you have to be patient. Find things to do to help occupy your time so you don't go completely crazy. Hang in there!
Mommy to Brandon (12) and Edward (10)
Emma and Ellie (4)

picture does not represent current ages

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July 28th, 2011, 08:32 AM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 12
Don't you worry about that. There's always something for everyone.
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November 22nd, 2011, 01:18 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 18,951
My husband and I are trying to adopt through DHS and have been waiting for about 2 years. Yes I understand how it feels to wait every month for a call and then it doesn't come. It's really hard. We almost adopted brothers last year, but because DHS took so long to send back the authorization so they could officially call us, they had another welfare court date and the foster family said they wanted them and got them. Hang in there. I've heard even with an agency it takes time. I have finally gotten to the point where if it happens it happens and if it doesn't, it wasn't God's will. We have two daughters, but we wanted a son and lost our baby boy at 4 days about 4 years ago. It would possibly be dangerous for me to try again, so we aren't and want to adopt. Just busy yourself with life and in time it will happen.

Thanks Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggy!
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