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Forum: Adoption


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July 9th, 2006, 06:08 AM
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 10
I was talking to some friends of mine about adoption. They are considering it, as they have been unable to conceive for years...

They told me that their adoption agent that they talked to told them that Interracial babies/children are automatically considered special needs.

Why would this be?
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July 9th, 2006, 06:22 AM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,119
Not all agencies consider biracial or african american children to be special needs, but it is true that MOST do.

They are considered as special needs/special program adoptions because there are more people wanting to adopt full caucasian children... So unfortunatley it boils down to need and demand...

It's sad... very sad... When the adoption of a caucasian infant can cost up to 100K... yet a biracial or african american adoption generally never goes above 15k...

ETA: Biracial is usually considered to be african american/caucasian as agencies will charge the same for a caucasian as they will for many japanese/hispanic mixed children... All depends on the agency... But for everyone that I've known of... never have any charged the exact same price for a caucasian adoption situation as they would for an african american situation... no matter how identical everything else was.
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July 9th, 2006, 04:19 PM
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 411
Wow I could never imagine that. How sad. But there is enough "demand" that no baby is left without a home, right?

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July 9th, 2006, 07:13 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I really had no idea. I think in general the cost to adopt is ridiculous & unnecessary. It should not cost so much more to adopt than to have your own.
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
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July 9th, 2006, 09:37 PM
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 9
I was hopeless. Everytime I saw someone pregnant, I cried. Everytime someone said something stupid about my baby I cried. I got so tired of hearing stuff like "You can always have another one, It was for the best, You can always adopt, There must have been something wrong," or "It was just not meant to be." Stuff like that would send me in tears. I also cried when I found poems about m/c & baby angels.

No one understood what I was feeling. The only one that I had to talk to that really understood was Melissa (2mommies). She was a real angel to me. We met on another board. She & I were both due on the same day & we both lost our babies the same day. So we just together & talked, then some more.

My dh did not know what to do with me. He just looked pitiful! So I cried some more. I felt like I had let him down too!

It is hard, but in time the more I talked about my feelings, the better I got. But I still cry some now.
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July 10th, 2006, 05:51 AM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 197
Our agency does not call the children "special needs" but they are called waiting children. These are children who are harder to place. It's really sad but there are alot of couples who feel like adoption gives them the opportunity to adopt the "perfect"child with no healthy issues who may look like them. But the reality is that you can't garentee the future. This has alway really bothered. As a woman who has lost two children to miscarriage in seven years and only been pregnant those two times I really don't think that even if these children were born too these families the could PICK what their child looks like or their childs health. I am and adoptive mom to two wonderful children both african and my DH and I are caucasian. they now are my purpose in life and I can't imagin life without them perfection and imperfections they are mine.

Kill_me_now: I feel your pain. Even with my children I still at times envy those women who seem to just pop babies out like no tomorrow. Or those times when all people talk about is being pregant and how easy it is or how wonderful it is. MY sister in law is pregant with their first baby and when the anounced it to the family they said: "it was an accident" That comment really hurt seeing as though they know how hard it's been for us. But I also know it wasn't said to hurt me. I think that for some women (like me) we grow up as little girls thinking of the day we will start our family and how easy it "should" be. Not realizing it sometimes doens't work out like we think it should. In my case I can say that there was a much better plan for my life then I would have imagined.
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