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Forum: Adoption


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February 19th, 2012, 06:19 PM
Audrey's Aunt Amanda's Avatar Not a mommy yet.
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 474
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My brothers girl friend is coming to live with me, my mom and my brother of course. Both my brother and his girl friend are 18. She's been in foster care since the age of 8. Her foster mother treats her horribly, she uses her for a baby sitter to watch her 2 other foster brother and sister. The foster parents basically use the kids as a paycheck. We have not met the girl friend because she is always having to take care of this kids. But what I'm wondering is how can we make her feel more comfortable and make this very new situation less awkward for us all? She will have her own room. Is their anything as far as purchases we should make? I'm just not sure where I should start! Any advice would be awesome Thank You so much!

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February 22nd, 2012, 06:43 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
I just saw this, so I'm sorry I haven't responded earlier.

It sounds like she had a bad childhood. Did she move a lot? There might be a whole lot of trust issues there. She might act very clingy (especially to you since you are probably the closest in age to her) or she might act very withdrawn. Just be trustworthy is the main thing I can tell you. If you say you will do something, then do it. If you cannot do it for some reason, make sure to sit and explain why it now cannot be done. But try very hard to NOT say you will do anything (even silly little things) that you cannot do when you say it. Also, respect her things. In foster care many of the kids don't have anything that is really "their own" things. They protect the silliest things. Don't throw anything away as it might be the most special thing to her. Give her an area to keep her stuff and make sure that she knows that things in this area are off limits to everyone else. That could be as small as a box, or as big as a room.

Let her make decisions, but don't force her to. Let her choose her comforter, for example, and don't laugh at her choice (it might be very childish).

Of course, this is all assuming she did have a crappy childhood in care. Maybe she had awesome foster parents before. But the fact that she wasn't adopted makes me believe that she will feel "dumped." She needs a family. It is going to be VERY hard on her if your brother and her break up.

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