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Frozen Embryos

Forum: Adoption


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April 23rd, 2014, 09:55 AM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NC
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I got pregnant through IVF and I have some frozen embryos left. Actually, I thought I signed a form telling the fertility center to donate them if I don't use them in 2 years. Apparently, this was forgotten because last year, I was contacted by the center asking me what I want to do with them or I'll have to pay for storage. There were options for me to consider.
  1. Destroy them
  2. Destroy some of them and store the rest
  3. Donate them to science
  4. Continue to store them for later use
  5. Embryo donation
  6. Embryo adoption.
I didn't want to just destroy them. I worked too hard to get them, I'd hate to just throw them away. What a waste (to me, not meaning to put anyone else's personal feelings down)!

I considered giving them to science. If I were to destroy them, why not at least do something good with them.

I didn't want to store them anymore, because I know I won't be using them again. I'm complete with the two boys I have now. My husband is also satisfied and no longer wants any more kids.

Donation and adoption were my favorite choices. I considered donation. I'd give them to a facility who would them transplant them to someone that wants a family. I'd never know anything about it nor have to pay for anything.
Adoption was another option. My fertility center said they'd hold them for free with this option while the embryos were being considered for a family. I also get to be a part of the choosing and the adoption would be considered an open adoption. It's treated as if it were a live birth, but the adoptive family is aware that the transfer might not take and it is not my responsibility.

I know adoption is the hardest. With donation, the adoptive couple knows only a little about our appearance and a brief history and medical history. We, in return, know nothing about where the embryos go and to whom they were transferred to. With adoption, the couple gets a much more detailed history of our lives and our medical history. They have the option to deny our embryos and move on to another family if they don't like what they see or hear. We, as the biological family, also has the right to deny a potential couple who wants to consider using our embryos if we don't like their family history. There also has to be a match in priorities and the amount of communication between us. They are required to write the adoption agency once a year with a picture to update them. That record, we have access to if we want. Any further communication has to be agreed upon when going through the adoption. For example, if I want monthly letters, pictures, phone calls, and a yearly visit, the adoptive parents have to agree to that. I don't want that actually, but you get the point. I am looking for communication of either email or letters with pictures at least a few times a year. No face-to-face until age 16 (though I'm flexible with that, DH is not. I'd consider earlier if the child wishes to meet me before 16). I'd also consider phone communication, but it's not a requirement for the adoption.

I'm nervous. Tomorrow is my interview with the director. She's going to confirm my priorities and communication requirements before setting up matches. This whole thing has become so real to me. I'm excited! I feel completely good about this decision. I only hope that my embryos do make a family happy. I went through so much and I too had to consider adoption but without the option to feel what it's like to carry a pregnancy. I'm offering a couple that opportunity to grow a child and feeling what it's like to have their own family. Adopting a live child is wonderful. Heck, I was adopted as was my husband. This is just another step further into parenthood. I also thought it was god to give the embryos the opportunity to live. If they don't, then I tried. I know I'm doing the right thing. It's just a scary thing to realize that a child with my DH's and my genes is out there somewhere. Open adoption at least allows me a window into that child's life and lines of communication are open in case that child needs a reminder they they have a connection to a family beyond the family that is raising them. That child is not my child, but the connection can be important to them. I know that because I've been there. I had a closed adoption and I had SO many questions that could not be answered. I never doubted who my family was. I didn't want anyone else, but it would have been nice to have an idea of where I came from, who I was, and why I was adopted before I became an adult when that information would have truly helped me.

Sorry this was long. I have a lot on my mind. Tomorrow is a big day. Any matches after that could take a long time to come, but to know it's getting started is a HUGE deal. Wish me luck! I hope I find a good family out there.
Eliza - Wife to husband, Jason. Mother to twin boys, Cameron and Kiefer (6-24-08)

I love my Peanut M&Ms Cameron & Kiefer!!Eliza's Blog

Last edited by TheyGrowLikeWeeds; April 23rd, 2014 at 10:00 AM.
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May 9th, 2014, 09:02 PM
*Whiskey*'s Avatar Blessed
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Kentucky... again
Posts: 1,748
I know it's long past but that is such an amazing thing for you to do!!!
~ * ~ * ~ * Always believe that something good is going to happen * ~ * ~ * ~

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May 12th, 2014, 03:51 PM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NC
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Thank you! Sorry I haven't checked in in a bit, but I"ll offer an update.

The day after the interview, a potential match profile was sent to us. They were a young couple and definitely a perfect match! I was not sure about their location. They live in a city. I grew up in a city, and I didn't find it to be the best place to grow up in. But, a lot of people make it work. But, things may change anyhow and locations can change either way. Besides, Like I said, they are perfect! So, we accepted them.

When I gave the word that we accepted them, they went on vacation and I wouldn't hear back from them until they returned. They were sent my information meanwhile. They wrote back that they loved us too! However, there's no official acceptance because I have a medical condition they wanted to check up on. I'm not too worried, but they may still change their mind.

So I'm just waiting. I should hear something any day now. That part is killing me, but I appreciate how much thought they are putting in to it as this is a HUGE decision for both of us.
Eliza - Wife to husband, Jason. Mother to twin boys, Cameron and Kiefer (6-24-08)

I love my Peanut M&Ms Cameron & Kiefer!!Eliza's Blog
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