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Forum: Adoption


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November 14th, 2006, 12:16 AM
mrsracatoe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Texas
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I was on another website looking up some information on adoption and came across a forum for adoption. I read one lady's post. She and her dh adopted a child at birth and they said that they will never tell the child that she is adopted. Do you think that it is right to tell a child that she is adopted? Do you think that it is bad for an adoptive family to not ever tell the child? What do you think about this issue??

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November 14th, 2006, 06:09 AM
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i think probably that child will find out one day and be very hurt that he/she had been lied to. i dont see what is wrong with adoption. why someone wouldnt want to tell their child. kwim?

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November 14th, 2006, 09:16 AM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
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Wow, I would never advise an adoptive parent to be anything but honest with their children about adoption. Obviously, in our case, not telling our girls would be impossible given that they are Chinese and we're not, but I would tell any child, even if they were adopted as a newborn and looked just like me.

We are very open and honest about adoption in our family and my girls are proud of where they are from and how they joined our family. It is especially important for us to talk about it with Jacey, since she was almost 6 when we adopted her and remembers so much about China and her past. I don't think adoption should be hidden away as something a child should be ashamed of, instead it should be celebrated as the wonderful, positive experience that it is. Just my .02.

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November 15th, 2006, 11:50 AM
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I couldn't imagine not telling the child. Things like that have a way of coming out and I wouldn't want my child made at me or resenting me for not telling them sooner.
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November 15th, 2006, 06:14 PM
Saigon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Dyess AFB, Texas
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I , as a birthmother, was very afraid of the adoptive parents doing this. Which was one of the reasons, (as petty as it sounds) that I chose a family that promised to tell him. (it doesn't hurt that they are bigger boned, dark hair, dark eyes and have darker complexions than the bio father and I do) The birth father and I are both very Irish. We have very fair skin, green or blue eyes and I have reddish blonde hair and he had sandy blond hair. Our son takes after us very much with the same fair skin, blond hair blue eyes. Yet I still worry that they haven't really told him....
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November 16th, 2006, 07:06 AM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Lonestar State
Posts: 50,214
I think parents mistakenly think they're "helping" by not telling...as if they think the child won't feel loved because he/she was abandoned in the first place. Adoption isn't abandonment. It's purposely putting a child into a better situation than the one he/she was previously in. To me, adoption says "love" more than birth does. Anyone can accidentally get pregnant, but you can't accidentally fill out piles of paperwork and hand-pick a child without a great deal of intent and love. If I were adopted, I'd want to know.
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November 20th, 2006, 11:32 AM
tim_horton's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmonton / Ottawa
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This is so wrong I don't even think it should be legal. Parents should be legally obligated to inform their adopted children by the time they are 18. People have a right to know who their parents are.
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November 21st, 2006, 04:12 PM
*Vero*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My sister's best friend just found out she was adopted at the age of 23!!

Her whole life her whole family knew and always kept it from her!! She felt so betrayed and went through a really rough time!!
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