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Not liking her name

Forum: Adoption


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July 25th, 2007, 03:37 PM
NatShaIsa's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2007
Location: KS
Posts: 111
I'm in the process of adopting my DH's baby girl. Her mother passed away shortly after birth and my DH doesn't want me to be a step mommy so thats why Im adopting her. He wants her to feel like she's in the family. Her mother named her Nevaeh Rae, but I'm not feeling it. My DH kinda likes it.

She's only 2 weeks old, would it be wrong to re-name her? Her mother picked that name and I find my self mispronouncing and mispelling her name wrong quite otfen. My DH doesn't care, he'll agree if I wanted to change it. After spending 5 days with her she doesnt seem to fit her name. My DH likes the name Triana Janae and I like it too. I wanna change her name from Nevaeh Rae to Triana Janae.

What's your opinion about name changing?

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July 25th, 2007, 04:08 PM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Lonestar State
Posts: 50,214
Personally, I wouldn't change it. If she doesn't like it later when she's old enough to understand, then you could. From a mother's point of view, I'd be offended (in death) if someone changed my child's name. It's something very personal. Especially so for me, because my son was named after his grandfather. I'm sure she had some reason for choosing that name, so it would be disrespectful to her to change it so soon. Again, this is just my opinion. It's up to you.
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July 25th, 2007, 06:09 PM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
Wow, that's a tough one, but I agree with Chrystal. It somehow feels disrespectful of her mother to change it completely. What about calling her Rae if it's Nevaeh you're having trouble with? If it were me, I'd let her keep the name her mother gave her and then she can make the decision to change it or not when she's old enough. Good luck with the adoption and with your decision.

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July 25th, 2007, 10:55 PM
GracieNAmelia'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Cali
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I think you should leave her name. Its something that her mother left her from Heaven with is Nevaeh spelled backwards. Think about it Plus I think it would be very disrespectful.

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July 26th, 2007, 01:04 AM
NatShaIsa's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2007
Location: KS
Posts: 111
Thanks for replying. I was talking with my sis and was feeling bad about even thinking about changing her name. My DH talked to me about the name. He told me that he flat out hates it. He revealed to me that his' ex girlfriend's name is Nevaeh and she let their baby died 7 years ago. He's very bothered by.

He then told me that she wasn't suppose to be named Nevaeh Rae and the original name was Triana Rae and they both picked that. The lady's sister was the one who told them that her sis wanted the baby name Nevaeh. She doesn't like my DH and she knew that he hates that name.

I dont understand why would they ask the sis and not the father. I feel like she had no right. My DH refused to sign the birth cerf cause that isn't suppose to be her name. They made him sign it anyways so I could adopt her. My DH told me he already started the name change and that made mad cause he started before telling me. He made it sound like it was up to me, but in fact it wasn't. He knew he was gonna change it reguardless.

I had no knownlegde of this until tonight. he's now saying the lady's sister is gonna try to stop my adoption. I'm not worried cause she has no power. My DH is the father, they did a DNA test. He has the rights, not her. I don't know her very much but I think she's nothing but drama.

Since Nevaeh wasn't the name she originally pick, I dont feel guilty. Right now we call her Rae. Rae is the lady's Mother's name who died from cancer last year. Before the lady was killed she told me if anything ever happens to her, she wanted me to raise her baby. I'm going to raise her and give her the name that Rae's Mother intended to give her. Before she died she refer her baby as Lily. She wanted her name to be a surprise after birth cause people judge. I understand that.

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July 26th, 2007, 11:19 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Carolina Girls... Are the best in the world!
Posts: 637
As an adoptive mother. I think you should do what is best for you and your family. It is a decision that only you and DH can make.

I personally changed my daughter's name when we adopted her. I had everyone in the world telling me what they think we should do. I told them that if I wanted advice, I would write Dear Abby!

Hannah was 6 weeks old when we took custody of her. Like your daughter, she was named after her birth mother. I did not want a constant reminder of her. She was MY daughter now. She had terminated her parental rights so it was up to us. Hannah was not 2 or 3 years old, So there was no confusing her.

Your baby is an infant, act now if you are going to do it.

I think the birthmother would just be happy to know that her baby was being loved and cared for. She would not worry with such trivial things.

I hope all works out for you. Good Luck!
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July 26th, 2007, 10:14 PM
IrishMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,110
Okay after reading your WHOLE story I guess my original response changes.

As an adoptive mother I was going to say that it should stay as the birthmother named her, especially since she is deceased god rest her soul.

But now that you are saying that the SIL stepped in and changed it from what your DH and the birthmother had agreed to anyway, then I say go with your heart.

If the new name Triana is the one that they decided on.

I guess that is where I am at with it, whatever the birthmother wanted is what it should be, that's sacred.


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July 29th, 2007, 03:14 AM
mon mon is offline
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 36
I was adopted when I was a few months old (I am now 36 years old) - my birth mother named me Nicole Lee and my adopted parents changed my name to Monique Elizabeth. I much prefer the name my adopted parents chose for me and I certainly do not have any bad feelings towards them for changing it. My parents were always honest and open about the fact that I was adopted and they told me what my birth mother had named me from an early age. I have always been happy that they changed my name!

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August 3rd, 2007, 12:32 PM
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 411
too much drama, never mind

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