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How did your dh feel?

Forum: Adoption


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January 20th, 2008, 10:20 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 9,382
I'm just curious what kind of support your dh has been? I ask my dh this morning if he really wants to adopt a girl... I told him I wanted him to be completely honest with my on what his feeling are. He said he would only do it because he knows how much I want a daughter... but personally he has no desire and is happy with our 4 boys. He knows that once we had a daughter he would love her... he just doesn't have that desire to have a daughter like I do.

So please share your experience...
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January 20th, 2008, 10:49 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
My husband and I just had this conversation. He said, "I look at it this way. You are completely sold out to this. I'm bought in." He wants to have more children, but he's not reading and looking and talking to everyone like I am. It disappoints me but I understand. He doesn't really get excited about anything.

I made a point that if he did not want this child, I did not want to do it. I know it's going to be hard and I don't need him saying, "Well, YOU wanted them not me." He assures me that he does want them and does understand the transition will be hard and he's in it for the long haul.

I would just have a really long talk with him. Make sure he understands this isn't just "your" child but she will be both of your child.

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January 20th, 2008, 07:27 PM
lblackst's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: TR, SC
Posts: 874
I think it is a mistake to think that men are the same as women are when it comes to planning anything. His response doesn't equal "I won't love her." My dh was kinda the same way for both of our adoptions and for our birth child. He loves them all. For us women, we want to hear desperately that our dh will love and accept the child. If there aren't other reasons to believe he won't , then keep going with the plans.
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<div align="center"><span style="font-family:Verdana">“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” </div></span>
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January 21st, 2008, 12:00 PM
ericahex's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,241
You know, my guy is the careful planner, very hesitant to get excited. He didn't want to tell his grandparents and extended family for fear of "letting them get excited before we know for sure", despite that the worker who did our home study already said barring some crazy criminal activity, she can't imagine anything that would stop her from recommending us. Honestly I think they just don't get emotionally invested until they're ankle deep in the wonderful love you already know will come.
Mama to Monkey born Feb 24th, 2007, and Toddler born Nov 1st, 2005.
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January 24th, 2008, 02:01 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 18,951
I talked with Dh a couple of weeks ago about this. He's been so up and down about adopting. I know a lot of it is just that he's hurting too and we are trying to heal before starting the process. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said that he thinks we have to give it a try. I heard him talking to his mom about it last night. I know he's up for it, but it can be such a long road and his age has been a big issue even with having biological children. He's so worried about being too old when our kids are in high school and college. I'm sure he's nervous about it too.

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February 12th, 2008, 11:40 AM
sprouthead's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think dh still wants to have another biological child and hasn't really accepted the reality that that isn't going to happen.. he just doesn't get excited about adopting, doesn't really seem interested in it, and when we talk about it he brings up all of the obstacles we'll have to deal with, which are the same that we would have to overcome if we had another biological child, but he interestingly doesn't apply them to that situation..
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February 12th, 2008, 07:04 PM
kayk's Avatar Member
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Location: Marysville,PA
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My DH doesnt seem to get excitted either!!! We have had 3 placments come close to happening anf then they fall through. Each one was diffrent but he just didn't seem into it after all we have done so far. i think he is really wanting to try for our own again by going back to a diffrent OBGYN( who specializes in PCOS). So that opens a whole other can of worms. Men just think and handle things totally diffrent than us. I know that once we have a child placed in our home that doesn't fall through he will love and care for them and be the best daddy ever!
Married 9/10/05
Me 23
DH 30
2 fur babies Hope(dog) Maggie(dog)
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March 22nd, 2008, 06:36 PM
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 88
I think my husband is at the point now where he just wants a child so badly that he doesn't mind which we get. He said he'd love to have a little girl though, but a boy would be great too.

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