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Some questions....please

Forum: Adoption


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February 17th, 2008, 10:25 PM
Mjp121212's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,065
My dh and I have been discussing adoption. I need advice. We were told I was infertile and couldn't conceive naturally due to scarring, but by God's grace I got pg with out son after 4 1/2 years of trying. Up until then we had been talking about foreign adoption...china actually since some friends of mine had recently adopted a little girl from China. But now I'm wonering if it is better to do foreign adoption or from the US. I heard from someone that the birth mom in the US has up to 2 years to change her mind and then she could lie about paternity and a lot of other really scary stories. and I just could bare that. Is that true? Is it more expensive in the US or another country? and are there any types of grants or financial aid or anything? I know his company provides 2500, then there's a tax deduction too. Would anyone suggest open adoption? Or perhaps contacting your OB/GYN and talking to him about it? I have a cousin who actually did that and her ob/gyn contacted her with the birth mom and she adopted siblings. Sorry if there are too many questions there.

Thanks to Maitri for my wonderful siggy!
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February 18th, 2008, 01:50 PM
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 18
I actually believe it's different for each state, because that's what I have been told. Here, in Wyoming, it's only a 6 month waiting then finalization comes. At that point the BM doesn't get the option of changing her mind and taking the child back. As far as the paternity stories I am not real sure on that. Sorry, I can't help much. On the loans I do know that there are grants available and also loans geared towards adoptions. I don't know the process, just that they are available. I'd contact an attorney to get your details or even an agency maybe.
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February 18th, 2008, 06:52 PM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
Lots of questions...Hopefully I can help. We are in the process for international adoption right now.

Whether you do international adoption or domestic adoption is a personal choice. Some of the pros with international adoption are that you don't have a birth mother who can change her mind, once approved you have an almost guarantee of a child, the timeline for domestic adoption is uncertain, and you are not forced into open adoption. Some benefits of domestic adoption is that the children are generally healthier, you have the option of open adoption, the children are usually younger, etc. The reason we didn't do domestic is that 1/2 of all domestic fail meaning that the BM changes her mind. Depending on the state, the BM can have 2 weeks to 6 months to change her mind. I think that the costs are about the same, however, the investment in providing cultural literacy for a international child is huge.

I would consider a semi-open adoption. I feel that your child deserves to know where and who they came from. Also, knowing a medical history is important.

I have never heard of a OB/GYN setting up an adoption and it actually sounds highly unethical to me. I would contact an adoption attorney for domestic and an agency for International.

Either way, do lots of research and you will come up with the best answer for your family.

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February 18th, 2008, 08:49 PM
Posts: n/a
When I was adopted (1988) and my brother (1994) was adopted, the birth mother had one week. During that time, we stayed at a foster home. When I was 7 days old, she signed over custody, saying she no longer had legal rights as my mother. Though she could have taken my parents to court for my up until finalization (for me 3 months), she had signed me away and it is very unlikely she could have gotten me back.

Now this is a CLOSED adoption, I know nothing about OPEN adoptions except that I am very happy I don't have one.
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February 18th, 2008, 09:01 PM
Mjp121212's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,065
Thank you all very much. The friends I have who adopted from China adopted a very young little girl. I believe she was only 6-9m when they were informed they had been "chosen" for her. Then of course the process to legalize everything took quite a while. I know they had had her for a while by the time she was 2, but she talking a bit when they got her and they had to learn a bit of chinese in order to understand her. they also take her yearly to a reunion of sorts in KY I think that is sponsered by the agency that helped them. Sadly, that is all I know about it. thank you all very much for your answers, I really appreciate it greatly!

Thanks to Maitri for my wonderful siggy!
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February 22nd, 2008, 09:44 PM
Whatapickle's Avatar Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 47
We adopted DD through the China Program eight months ago. At this point, unless you are ready to wait 3-4 years for a non-special needs infant I would not go through the China Program. It is estimated that it will take CCAA another 5-7 years to get through the backlog it is currently working through. HOWEVER, the Special Needs program is A LOT faster but you have to be open to an older child (DD was 25 months at adoption) and various special needs (DD had a cleft lip and palate). At this point it takes about 6-10 months to bring home your child once you've identified one on the list.

As for domestic adoption, there are various programs you can go through. With any of the programs once the birth mother's right are severed and the "wait period" has passed she cannot "claim the child". One way to protect yourself from the vulnerability of a failed adoption once the child is placed with your family is to use a reputable agency that provides counseling for the birth family as well as the adoptive family.

One reason that we chose international adoption over domestic adoption is that we had just come from failed infertility treatments and pregnancy loss. The hardest part for us was having our profile shown and they rejected or having a birth mother select us and then change her mind after meeting us. The "failure" rate is high at that stage, but low once the child is placed with the family *especially* if the birth mother has received proper counseling.

Each state differs as to how long the "wait period" is for the birth mother to change her mind. The average is 7-10 days with no questions asked. Most agencies will place the child in temporary foster care. After this time the baby is placed with the adoptive family and the paperwork is filed to being the adoption process. The average for time for this is 6 months and during this time the birth mother can stop the process with an legitimate reason. The rate is pretty low at this point again especially if the birth mother has a good support network and has received good counseling.

Another option is to go through your state's foster care system. You can be matched with infants through sibling groups. The costs for this can be none to a few hundred. Adoption through an attorney or adoption agency could be up to $30,000. For international adoption the cost can be $15,000 up to $30,000 depending on the program you decide to go through.

There are grants and interest free loans available, but you have look for them. Many adoption agencies do have grants and loans for special needs kids. Dave Thomas, Wendy's founder, has a foundation that provides grants as does Steven Curtis Chapman. The IRS also allows for a tax credit that you can use when you file your taxes. If you do domestic adoption you can apply for the credit as you incur expenses, but with international adoption you cannot claim the credit until after the adoption is final.

You are welcome to PM me if you any additional questions.
<div align="center"><span style="font-family:Georgia">Rhonda - 35
DH - 37
DD - 2.5
^i^ - 2003</span>

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