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Bonding and FF


Forum: Formula Feeding

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  #1  
November 12th, 2006, 12:26 AM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I keep reading over and over how the bond is somehow different if you FF from if you BF....

I cant help but think this is not true. BF-ing for me was traumatic and not at all anything I enjoyed or could even fake any positive emotions for once I started. It was a huge disappointment. I cant help but think those feelings inhibited me from really bonding with Leo at first. I spent the first 3 weeks BF-ing and just being so unhappy and resentful and PPD stricken. Once I switched to formula, I could relax, he was relaxed (and nourished) and I could really just enjoy him and enjoy being a mom. And I know when he's satisfied and staring into my eyes with his sweet little face, and I just feel so close to him, bonding is surely taking place. It's MY bond with him, not someone else's and to me, it is the greatest feeling in the world to just be able to enjoy his presence and not be so worried about him getting enough to eat. When I BF'd him.... not so much. I was in so much pain from my infection all I could do was cry and scream and just feel so resentful. I'm glad I switched to formula, and if and when I have any more children, I will most likely not even attempt to BF, for fear of having a similar experience. Perhaps that is selfish on my part, but I strongly believe that our bond is actually BETTER having switched to formula, being that I am not so stressed out.

What do you all think of this 'bond' myth?
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  #2  
November 12th, 2006, 03:05 AM
1shortmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel the exact same as you. BF'ing was such a negative experience for me and left me stressed, crying and dreading feedings! No one should have to dread their baby's feedings out of fear of pain, etc. As soon as I switched to formula I was relaxed and happier. I noticed a change in Paige also. I feel that we bonded sooooo much more once we switched to formula and were happy!! As for wether or not I will BF my next child....I'm not sure but I doubt it. My next will likely be bottle fed also. (My older dd was bottlefed as well). I don't think it is selfish of you to want to FF next time. You will be relaxed and happy and your baby will sense that and be relaxed and happy too. It is possible that your negative experience this time will cause you to feel nervous and anxious next time...and the baby will sense that too. JMO.
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  #3  
November 12th, 2006, 06:10 AM
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I think that if you have a good BF experience, it can be an amazing bond and that it will be different - not better, but different. But I also totally agree that those that FF can develop a wonderful bond as well. It's all in spending precious time together.
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  #4  
November 12th, 2006, 05:10 PM
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I tried to BF all three, #1 I gave up early and pumped, #2 I gave up after 2 weeks and Sadie I tried so hard for 3 weeks before pumping for awhile. Sadie has a high palate which made it nearly impossible to transfer milk and I suspect the other two did too. That aside, I STILL never felt any real "joy" about breastfeeding. I didn't like that I was the one who always had to stop eating, drinking, taking a shower, etc to go feed the baby. I also had to hold my bbs out of the way of their noses and that got uncomfortable too. And to be totally honest I just didn't love having someone attached to me like that.

As for bonding - if mine arent' bonded to me then I don't know what bonding is! My 4 year old is so cuddly still and crawls into bed with me every morning for cuddles. My 3 year old tells me he loves me all the time and when I had my back adjusted at the chiropractor and he was with me, he wanted to hold my hand so I wouldn't be scared So I definately think you can bond just fine by bottle feeding.

I love bottle feeding. I love the grunting little piggy noises they make when they see the bottle that I lovingly prepared. I love snuggling close and rubbing my cheek on her head while she feeds. She puts her hand on mine and stops in the middle of her bottle to smile and coo at me. Does she know it is not my boob? no. She just knows she is getting milk and mommy is giving it to her and occasionally daddy even gives her some.

As for BF'ing any other babies, this is my last so it isn't an issue for me. However I was just thinking about all the wasted time, effort, tears and sleep I lost while trying to BF Sadie that maybe I should have just started her on formula from the beginning! I honestly think if I had a 4th (which I won't) that I would just go to formula from the beginning.
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  #5  
November 12th, 2006, 08:20 PM
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I totally agree! I don't think bonding is the issue. I think you bond with your baby no matter what. I would cry when I would feed Rylynn because it hurt some much. It is hard to bond when you dread feeding time. I finally went to pumping did this for about 3 weeks and just got soo tired of it. It took soo much time so I went to the formula and now I am more relaxed and I really enjoy being a mother. I don't know if I will try it next time. i guess I will see when the time comes
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  #6  
November 13th, 2006, 10:04 AM
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You can have a bond whether you BF or FF.
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  #7  
November 13th, 2006, 02:03 PM
sunshinemommie's Avatar Super Mommy
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I have FF and BF. I prefer to FF. I am a better mommy, and not so stressed. I don't think there is a difference in the bonding. I have bonded just fine with all three of my children and never noticed anything different. Don't ever think your selfish for doing what is best for you and your baby.
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  #8  
November 14th, 2006, 04:45 AM
Rebecca^'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I saw this topic and thought I would post - I FF my older two children because I just couldn't handle how hard/painful it was to breastfeed. I gave up about a week into it with both of them. Anyway, I BF now and have been her whole life. 6.5 months. She has never been formula fed. I expected some great miraculous bond with her that was like no other - but I can honestly say I am no more bonded with my BF child than I am with my FF children. I am eternally bonded with all three of them equally. I think the bonding issues actually arise because "some" FF moms use FFing as an opportunity to prob baby with a bottle. I never did this, ever, I don't agree with it. I think it is wrong and lazy on the part of the mother or the father when they do this. I was livid with my DH once when I had an appt and left him with EBM in a bottle for our daughter and I came home to see him on the computer and my daughter propped. Oh gosh, I could have rang his neck. lol. Anyway, I just wanted to say from a mother who is currently still exclusively breastfeeding for the most part that it is possible to have the same exact bond when you bottle feed
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  #9  
November 14th, 2006, 05:43 PM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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ITA with all of you. I had a rougher time with BFing and I was so depressed and stressed out that we didn't bond. I cried and she screamed, that was pretty much it for the 3 weeks I bfed. Switching to formula was the right choice for us, and no matter what anyone says, we would not be anymore bonded than we are now if I was bf'ing. Considering my DD already has separation anxiety and she's only 4 months, I'd say we've bonded
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  #10  
November 21st, 2006, 10:45 AM
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I feel my daughter and I have a truly wonderful bond, and she has been formula fed since 2 1/2 weeks old.
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  #11  
November 21st, 2006, 03:40 PM
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For me, bonding with my baby wasn't even on my list of priorities during the first few weeks trying to BF her. It was the most horrible and painful time in my life. All I could think about was sleep! I tried for three weeks to BF but she wouldn't take the breast. She could hold her head up without support at three weeks old due to the neck muscles she developed pushing her head away from my breast. Even the lactation consultant gave up and told me to pump milk instead! I gave up BF and began FF at around three weeks. I was MUCH more relaxed and so was she. I actually began to enjoy feeding her, instead of dreading being with her. She was calm and I was sane and we finally began to bond.
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  #12  
November 21st, 2006, 07:54 PM
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ITA
I formula fed my 5 yo and I TOTALLY enjoyed him from day one of bringing him home from the hospital. It was such a good experience having a little baby and I honestly enjoyed every second of it. I had attempted a few times to BF him but ultimately decided to formula feed without so much as an ounce of guilt. My 5 yo and I have such a WONDERFUL relationship/bond that I couldn't ask for anything better. This time I planned to BF the entire time I was pregnant. My new baby is now 4 weeks old and BF is NOT at all what I expected. This BF'ing is so hard that I often feel like I'm not able to just 'enjoy' him like I was able to do with my FF 5 yo. I'm so stressed and sore from trying to BF that I sometimes look sadly into my baby's eyes and tell him how much I just want to enjoy him without all the stress and pain of BF. Like someone else said, how can I bond with him if I'm dreading feeding time? I think the notion that there is a stronger bond with BF baby's than FF baby's is FALSE, especially for those who have traumatic BF'ind experiences.
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  #13  
November 21st, 2006, 09:41 PM
1shortmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
ITA
I formula fed my 5 yo and I TOTALLY enjoyed him from day one of bringing him home from the hospital. It was such a good experience having a little baby and I honestly enjoyed every second of it. I had attempted a few times to BF him but ultimately decided to formula feed without so much as an ounce of guilt. My 5 yo and I have such a WONDERFUL relationship/bond that I couldn't ask for anything better. This time I planned to BF the entire time I was pregnant. My new baby is now 4 weeks old and BF is NOT at all what I expected. This BF'ing is so hard that I often feel like I'm not able to just 'enjoy' him like I was able to do with my FF 5 yo. I'm so stressed and sore from trying to BF that I sometimes look sadly into my baby's eyes and tell him how much I just want to enjoy him without all the stress and pain of BF. Like someone else said, how can I bond with him if I'm dreading feeding time? I think the notion that there is a stronger bond with BF baby's than FF baby's is FALSE, especially for those who have traumatic BF'ind experiences.[/b]
This is exactly what I went through. I FF my older daughter (now 5) and I enjoyed every second! With dd#2 (almost 10 months) I tried to BF and ended up crying and dreading feedings. I switched to formula and never looked back! lol I just wanted to enjoy my baby and I found myself dreading her waking up because I knew that meant she would want to eat!
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  #14  
November 23rd, 2006, 05:19 AM
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I FF my son. I think that the bonding has not been an issue for me. He is very much attached to me. I am going to formula feed the baby that I am pregnant with too.
However, I have friends that are breastfeeding and are having great results. It just isn't for me.
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  #15  
November 23rd, 2006, 06:12 PM
Mia&Mattea'sMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I FF and have never breastfeed so I can't say that I know they other side from what I've seen in my family. My daughter who is FF has the same bond with me as my family members who were breastfeed do with their Mom.
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