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Do you and S/O ever just not work out sometimes?


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  #1  
September 24th, 2011, 07:17 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southwest USA
Posts: 1,917
Yesterday and today DH and I just haven't been going well together.

We got financial aid yesterday, quite a bit for each of us, and he's decided that he's using most of his financial aid on a truck that doesn't run. It's got rust spots, and he's paying $800 for it. I don't understand why anyone would pay that much for a truck that doesn't run. He's also paying $400 to get the body fixed, because this is a piece of crap truck.
He owns a car, a good car, that runs and only needs some minor cosmetic work. I am not understanding why he needs this truck.

So yesterday, he asked if I would buy him an Xbox, since the one he has is a piece of crap. This is fairly good deal for me, since I would be able to use his old one. I bought him this, with my money. Not a big and I didn't really mind. We got a couple of games, and later, while he was at work, his brother and I played one of the games I got. DH comes home and says, "Are you hungry?" I said, "Yeah, sure." He says, "Then get off the xbox." His brother says, "Why?" And DH replies, "Because I didn't spend $500 on an xbox so that you guys can play on it while I watch."

Since he's spending the majority of his money on this pos truck, I'm left buying the practical things we need, like his dog's Vet Bill and clothes for both of us.

He also got slightly upset when I told him that he wasn't going to be allowed to just sit around and play Xbox when I was in the Army. Apparently, he honestly thought that was going to fly.

I'm not trying to gripe about him... I'm just... Frustrated I guess. We're having an off day. Right now he's at work.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has these days.
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  #2  
September 24th, 2011, 08:27 PM
taatie10's Avatar New Mommy & Pro Auntee
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northern AZ
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No every married couple has times like that.
You just have to push through it and communicate with each other.
I really hope it gets better soon.
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  #3  
September 24th, 2011, 09:05 PM
JSquaredMom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 508
How long have you been married/together? I find that there are weeks that I don't even know why we're together sometimes!! Men and finances don't seem to always make a good pair, for sure.

I've been with my DH for almost 7 years...and I've just learned that at some times, we just aren't going to see eye to eye and you leave it be. Other times, your best bet is to set aside a nonemotional time and talk it out. Letting something bother you because you don't understand why he's doing it isn't going to help you let it go. I'd suggest trying to have a finances discussion with him and see how that goes....or try asking him what his idea of a reasonable budget is and find out why this truck seems to be so important to him?

Communication is hard...but worth the effort.
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  #4  
September 24th, 2011, 10:44 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southwest USA
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It's not really just this truck that is so important, he's a car person and is always wanting some car, just this one he happened to be able to get.

I'm going to talk to him, and ask him what's going on. He's not normally like this, so snappy...
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  #5  
September 24th, 2011, 10:59 PM
SammyJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Maybe I misunderstood what you wrote, but YOU bought HIM the new xbox so he could spend money on his nonworking truck, and then he told you to stop playing?? Again, maybe it seems like I misunderstood here, but that would really rub me the wrong way. I don't want you to think I am criticizing him here or anything, but him making all these crazy financial decisions without you 100 percent in agreement is pretty odd to me.

For the most part DH and I get along great. We are also really good about talking stuff out though. If I get mad and try and hold it in, it only causes more problems. Hopefully you guys will get the chance to talk it out a bit better. I really think big financial decisions like that (financial aid on a truck?? LOL) should be made as a joint effort. I totally agree why you are upset and I think you will be able to work it out once you talk it over better. Good luck!
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  #6  
September 25th, 2011, 02:32 AM
host of wttc
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: derbyshire uk
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your most couples argue at some point we have been together 11 years and some days its lie i don't know him. men are so selffish at times and don't think. no way in a milion years if he had spent all his money would i buy him a new one if i wasn't allowed to use it but then again we share our money so we would of decided together dh would of added in silly suggestions and i would of said no lol
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  #7  
September 25th, 2011, 04:45 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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No of course it's not just you, we all have things we just don't agree on I'm sure. Finances can be such a sticky point. FWIW I think he's being an a---hole about it and don't understand why he would want a truck that doesn't go when you don't have money to throw around. Stick to your guns and remind him that YOU bought the X-box.
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  #8  
September 25th, 2011, 07:48 AM
Shea131's Avatar Peyton Rylee's Mommy!!
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We just had a similar situation, not the same but similar. You are definitely not alone! It will all work out!
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  #9  
September 25th, 2011, 10:48 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SammyJ View Post
Maybe I misunderstood what you wrote, but YOU bought HIM the new xbox so he could spend money on his nonworking truck, and then he told you to stop playing?? Again, maybe it seems like I misunderstood here, but that would really rub me the wrong way. I don't want you to think I am criticizing him here or anything, but him making all these crazy financial decisions without you 100 percent in agreement is pretty odd to me.
That's what set me off, I bought him the Xbox, and he was telling me to get off.

This morning, he skipped part of work to wait and see if the people with truck were going to bring it down this morning or not. I'm hoping he still has a job!

Thanks ladies, it really helps knowing that every couple has moments like this.
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  #10  
September 25th, 2011, 12:52 PM
Aillidh's Avatar Nár lagaí Dia do lámh!
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Somewhere in NY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SammyJ View Post
Maybe I misunderstood what you wrote, but YOU bought HIM the new xbox so he could spend money on his nonworking truck, and then he told you to stop playing?? Again, maybe it seems like I misunderstood here, but that would really rub me the wrong way. I don't want you to think I am criticizing him here or anything, but him making all these crazy financial decisions without you 100 percent in agreement is pretty odd to me.

For the most part DH and I get along great. We are also really good about talking stuff out though. If I get mad and try and hold it in, it only causes more problems. Hopefully you guys will get the chance to talk it out a bit better. I really think big financial decisions like that (financial aid on a truck?? LOL) should be made as a joint effort. I totally agree why you are upset and I think you will be able to work it out once you talk it over better. Good luck!
I agree with this...I think it might be helpful if you worked out a budget and a small sum of money for everything that can be used towards "fun things" such as the X-Box and the car that doesn't run. I'm not sure what your income is but maybe like 50-100 dollars a month just to "blow" on things you don't need but you just want.

What does he get out of the car that doesn't run? Is he fixing it up to make it drive-able?

Everybody gets into financial arguments which is why it's best to have a budget. What if you tried to divvy up the monies onto gift cards, such as a card for food or gas, another card for needed clothing, etc. and then put cash into your own pockets for "fun things". If you did that when you first got the check it would be so much smoother, no arguments since it would already be worked out. It just doesn't seem fair that you have to be stuck buying him an x-box and then him being mad because you'replaying with it, when he spent his money on a truck that doesn't work? I dunno, my DH doesn't have the same feel over money as I do but he'd never make such a huge purchase without thoroughly discussing it with me first. Seeing as you're together and the funds are pretty mutual in that respect, I think you have a say in what you spend your money on.

I can completely understand why you're upset and I'm sorry if I offended you with my post, I wish you the best of luck!
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  #11  
September 25th, 2011, 03:14 PM
mom2pne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Janesville, WI
Posts: 2,301
My dh never works out and I try to find the time to.
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  #12  
September 25th, 2011, 04:23 PM
M-n-MsMama0510's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,892
^^surely didnt read the OP

SO & I are having more off days then I like lately it sucks but personally... I dont think u should have even bought the xbox. If you had one and that money could have been put in savings TOGETHER instead of on a truck OR xbox. Clothes is understandable but either way it sucks and im sorry its rough right now.
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  #13  
September 25th, 2011, 08:39 PM
(not so patiently) WTTC
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Southern CA
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we have a non working POS in the driveway at the moment, so I know how you feel! It's a good thing for my DH though...he comes home and works on it to help him when he has bad days.

We totally have our "off" days though. They are a bummer, but as long as you communicate and don't bottle things in, things always find a way to work themselves out!
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  #14  
September 26th, 2011, 07:27 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SammyJ View Post
Maybe I misunderstood what you wrote, but YOU bought HIM the new xbox so he could spend money on his nonworking truck, and then he told you to stop playing?? Again, maybe it seems like I misunderstood here, but that would really rub me the wrong way. I don't want you to think I am criticizing him here or anything, but him making all these crazy financial decisions without you 100 percent in agreement is pretty odd to me.
Yeah, that. I try really hard not to make jumps in the way I perceive things on the internet because it's just a snippet of someone's life and by no means does anyone but you know the whole story. Having said that, I feel like his priorities are seriously out of whack and I think if the two of you are going to be trying for children in the near future (which I assume you are based on the fact that you're posting here ) it would do a lot of good for you both to work on communication with regards to your finances. Really, it isn't fair that he gets to drain away money on a non-essential while you foot the bill for not only every necessity you're behind on but clothes and an x-box for him, too and once you add children into the mix there will be even more necessities that can't be neglected like that.

That isn't to say that he can't use any of the money for hobbies or fun things for himself. If you can both work it, you are both absolutely entitled to put money into things that may not be essential but that make you happy. That being said, you BOTH should have that right, not just him while you cover the essentials. IMO he could have put some of that work into his truck and let some of it wait for later so that you could have some "fun money" too.

:hugs:
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  #15  
September 26th, 2011, 08:02 AM
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I sure hope thing start getting better with you guys..

Dh and i have those problem aswell so your not the only one hun it happens and we just have to get through it..
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  #16  
September 26th, 2011, 10:59 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southwest USA
Posts: 1,917
I've decided to have him sit down and talk with me about finances. He knows we need to save, he's just not looking at the bigger picture. Which I understand- when I first started working and had lots of money in my account, I did the same thing, ate out all the time, bought lots of little things...
I just need to point out the bigger things we could get, and the benefits of saving to him, and remind him to stay on track. I'm feeling a lot more optimistic. =)

Thanks so much ladies!!
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  #17  
September 26th, 2011, 02:37 PM
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All couples have their issues but as long as you can communicate and work through it together, you will be just fine!
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  #18  
September 26th, 2011, 09:31 PM
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Since the school semester had kicked up again we definitely have more 'off' times than usual, but we make it a point to work out our problems together. Sometimes it really seems to help us to take a little break from it and get back together to talk when it's not so heated anymore.

Good luck!!
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