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Handling tantrums

Forum: Attachment Parenting


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May 1st, 2009, 03:51 PM
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For the most part Julie is a pretty easy going kid but we have had our share of tantrums as we enter the 2 and 3 year old land.

We have had times with Julie where she tantrums as she is testing her boundaries (she's too smart for her own good) Sometimes we have had to leave her to tantrum in her room by herself until she calms down. We are trying to learn 'nice gentle talking' and when she can't stop yelling we hug her close and tell her that we will come back in when she is ready to use her nice gentle voice.

I don't really know what else we can do when it happens. Any advice?

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May 1st, 2009, 10:09 PM
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I'm only at the 21 month old stage.. I've found the Happiest Toddler on the Block to be invaluable here. (There is a dvd I borrowed from the library too for DH.)

Basically, it's just learning to validate their feelings in a language they speak now.
"You're mad"
"You're frustrated"
"You're hurt"
"You didn't want that"
"You want that"
"You want that"
"You want that"
"You want that"
When they feel validated, then "sorry hon, I need this instead"

Will this work for your age? I don't know. I just know that book and dvd are for kids up to 4 so it might have some ideas that help you guys out.

Good luck hon!


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May 4th, 2009, 08:50 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,914
We do the validating this too. Kaylie will be 4 next month. This is how it works in our house:

"Kaylie, I understand that you are feeling angry, fustrated , whatever. But if you keep kicking and screaming you will need to take 5 until you are calm enough to talk."

Taking 5 is a cooling off period we use...it is not time out b/c she is not in trouble...she either goes in her room and throws her fit or she will just sit on the couch and calm down. It is her choice where she wants to go...but she is not allowed to just follow me around and scream.

Then after she is calmed down we hug and talk about it.

But I make it a point to tell her that fits will not get her what she wants and are not exceptable behavor. Then I list the different ways she could have handled things...not to rub it in but to teach how to handle her emotions so she will know what to do next time she has those feelings.

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May 4th, 2009, 09:51 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: belfast, northern ireland
Posts: 1,563
The last post pretty much sums my approach up too. With us its not any specific time, he can come in whenever he is ready to settle down.
Tantrums in public are worse, but we havent had one in ages (knock wood).
All children do have tantrums sometimes though, and I actually see some fits as a sign of good parenting, the child feels safe enough to express themselves anyway.
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May 4th, 2009, 12:53 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
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Originally Posted by broxi3781 View Post
With us its not any specific time, he can come in whenever he is ready to settle down.
maybe I should clarify...when we say take 5 it is a general term...maybe it is just an American term, IDK. But DD can also come out whenever she is ready.

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May 6th, 2009, 12:29 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 904
Avery is 31 months so we are into tantrums but she is much more into screaming out her feelings. So our "techniques" include alot of discussion. I usually repeat what she's said(screamed) tell her its easier to help if she's not screaming,and then sit on the couch, her bed,our bed, where ever and tell her I'll wait for her to be ready to talk about XYZ. She will runaway screaming and crying and return minutes to seconds later and talk about what has happened. Its usually that she hasn't gotten something she really wanted we look together for something she CAN have or do..............Sometimes we even do/get the original object as a kind of compromise but she does understand compromise and natural consequence which is key IMO.

My favorite "reference" books are Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves. Naomi Aldort. And Raising your Spirited Child. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.They are both easy reads.
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May 16th, 2009, 08:09 PM
HS&Fsmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NC
Posts: 2,611
I am wondering if anyone can give me some advice for Hugo's screaming fits. He's learned to use his LOUD screaming voice when he's angry and he has been doing it at home and in public. He's only 13 mos. old so his ability to sign/speak about his feelings is very limited. We always remove him from the situation and explain why. We also discuss "indoor voice." Is there anything else that you think would help?

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May 17th, 2009, 09:36 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 23,763
I think a lot of the time tantrums are a result of being hungry, thirsty, tired, overstimulated. Once those bases are covered I try to give a tantrum as little attention as possible.

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