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To Spank or Not to Spank

Forum: Attachment Parenting


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August 26th, 2009, 10:36 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 9,231
I was wondering this after reading another post about spanking:

Which of you out there were spanked as kids, but have decided not to spank your children? Why?

Which parents out there were spanked and decided to keep with tradition? Why?

I was spanked as a child, but I've decided not to spank. I was never abused, let me say that first. My dad was a elementary school teacher, and my mom was SAH. Whenever I was spanked--three licks only--it felt very wrong to me. Took me years to discover that feeling was sexual. My husband told me my mom was probably hitting my privates by accident. She always aimed low--I remember--because once aimed too high, and a little too hard, and bruised a kidney. I know she felt awful about it. She told me more than once as a matter of fact.

Another reason is that after a couple of years of working in a preschool, I fine-tuned the ability to get a class of 20+ to behave without even raising my voice. I can control a mass of ankle-biters aged 2-12 without once hitting them. Why spank when you have perfected your BOOMING voice? (Anyone younger than 2 is just too little to understand. Just distract the biters!)

I do have exceptions, though. If my child is about to grab a live wire, or run out into the street, grab a hot pan... I think associating pain with that is a healthy thing.
James Arwen est. April 2, 2005
Alice Marie - January 9, 2008
Winter Rose - February 14, 2012
Liliana Vale - September 25, 2013

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August 26th, 2009, 11:35 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 23,763
I don't really like spanking. I think there are more effective ways to discipline.

I also don't agree with spanking in dangerous situations(running in the street, grabbing a hot pan, etc). Young children don't fully understand dangerous situations, and I think it's my job to keep them safe.

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August 27th, 2009, 04:05 AM
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Finland
Posts: 4,481
I remember being spanked as a child once but I think it was a rare occurance. I remember it not hurting but that I was angry about it.

That being said the decision of to spank or not to spank has been taking out of my hands because spanking as well as any form of physical punishment is illegal in Finland. I think it is a good thing because I do not think that physical punishments are a positive thing.

Hvor er toalettet?
Skal vi danse?
Gratulerer med fødselsdagen
Luftputefartøyet mitt er fullt av ål
Ett språk er aldri nok
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August 27th, 2009, 04:34 AM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11,408
I was spanked as a child, although I do not remember it. Until the last 8 months I was a spanker (not often though, I only used it as a last resort). I didnt know that you could effectively parent without spanking. I am so glad to have found this Forum to help me transition in the the type of disciplinary parent I want to be with a gentle approach. Spanking no longer happens in my home and things are way better because of it.

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August 27th, 2009, 05:29 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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Location: PA
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I was spanked (and abused) as a child by my mother. i would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER consider spanking.

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August 27th, 2009, 09:33 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
I was spanked as a child. I have spanked my children cause I always figured it was how things were done. I never had a bad side effect of spanking...my parents used it as punishment only and never spanked hard enough to leave any marks....BUT....I have changed my ways....and have changed my entire parenting approach...for one thing it just didn't feel RIGHT....and another...it didn't work....

We are still in the struggle of getting everyone to mind me without me raising my voice or getting frustrated...and still getting daddy to go with the no spank theme....but since he's gone most of the time it's hardly an issue.

Anyway....so i've been in both worlds....
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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August 27th, 2009, 11:11 AM
Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Bay Area CA
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I was spanked and physically/emotionally/verbally abused by my stepmom. I would never ever consider spanking for my family.

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August 27th, 2009, 11:30 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
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I was spanked as a child and that turned into harsh physical punishment by my mom. We have a very strained relationship at best but it is getting better.

Up until a couple of months ago we used spanking as a punishment in our home. DD would be given a warning, time out, then spanking if the behavior was not corrected by one of the 1st two steps.

It never felt right to me. So I posted a question about this in the hide out. A very wise memeber of this board metioned that spanking can teach children to associate being hit by someone you love as OKAY I had never thought of this before and it scared me to pieces!!!! I do not want my DD to end up in an abusive relationship and I do not want my son to think it is alright to hit other.

DH and I talked this over and we no longer spank! DD is strong willed and it is a struggle some days but we are using taking away privlages as the punish now if warnings and timeout do not work.

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August 27th, 2009, 01:32 PM
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I was spanked. It embarrassed me. I don't do it because it doesn't feel or sound right.
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August 27th, 2009, 02:11 PM
MilkyJo's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: UK, Berkshire
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I was spanked and I remember many (though not all) of the occasions. It wasn't sexual, but it was about humiliation. My mum would frequently use the threat of spanking my bottom in public as a last resort to get me to behave.

I do not agree with spanking as a form of discipline in any circumstance. The line between spanking to teach a lesson and spanking out of temper and frustration is too easily crossed, even with the best of intentions.

I should add that I do not have a poor relation with my mother as a result of the spanking, nor do I think it did me any harm, other than a few sad memories. Those memories alone are enough to convince me that while spanking no doubt achieves quick short term results, it's not worth it.
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August 27th, 2009, 03:45 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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I was spanked. I don't remember it ever being all that effective. I think my mom spanked as she did more out of frustration and anger than for disciplining us. I will not spank. There are soooo many other ways to discipline!!

Thanks *Kiliki* for the precious siggy!

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August 29th, 2009, 09:14 AM
Alissa&Isabelle'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was spanked too. I don't think it is effective either.
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August 29th, 2009, 04:55 PM
cln1812's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was spanked as a child and we are not spanking DD.

It did verge on physical abuse (used belt, was very heavy hitting) for me and I lived in absolute dread and terror of my father. He was always angry & yelling and spanking for things that didn't merit such harsh discipline. I was spanked way beyond the age when spanking was appropriate--maybe 11 or 12? To this day, I don't have a relationship with my father other than cordial and I doubt I ever will. I remember many childhood days spent hiding, hoping my dad wouldn't find me. I know it played a role in my low self-esteem and possibly the eating disorder (anorexia) I had while in college.

DH & I discussed spanking before DD was born--he was of the opinion we would spank (he was spanked as a child but I think more in dangerous situations and not very often) while I didn't want to, but now that DD is actually here, I doubt DH will resort to spanking. She has him just wrapped around his finger and he cannot resist giving in to her or seeing her cry. We were discussing discipline again recently (for when DD is a bit older) and DH didn't even bring up spanking as an option, and I'm hoping it is off the board.

I know I definitely will not be like my mom, hating the spanking, but standing back and letting it happen again and again. It just breaks a child's spirit.

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September 3rd, 2009, 01:08 PM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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NEVER been spanked, my parents ALWAYS respected my body in every way and believe you me they didn't spank me EVEN when i grabbed a hot pot.....they talked me off of it. And i did leave it alone in the end....atrocious....i relate spanking to disrespect of our physical entities and that goes from age 1 day to 100 years old. And of COURSE i will never spank either......very bothered by the whole concept.....was not taught this way and i won't teach my kid this way also.......

" \m/ Now I’m riding through the air
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September 7th, 2009, 05:42 PM
JediRach's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wasn't spanked as a kid and I won't spank mine. Guy was spanked and he also agrees that it is not for us. It just made him scared of his parents.

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September 7th, 2009, 08:01 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,397
I was not spanked, DB was. And we will NEVER spank Avery. I don't even believe in hand slaps. I just don't think it is effective in any way.

Avery Raine - 6
Brynlee Skye - 4
Baby #3 - Due January 2016
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September 9th, 2009, 07:01 PM
snlemon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 6,657
I'm a lurker but I'll just chime in here for a second.

I was spanked and also suffered occasional bouts of physical abuse. I can honestly tell you that there was a HUGE difference between the two, even when done by the same person. Spankin was a rare but effective form of punishment for me. We were always spanked when my parents were calm, and we had a talk before the paddling, about why we were getting a paddling. After we were paddled we were held and comforted and the discussion continued. When I was abused, it was violent, done in a temper and was out of control...even as a small child I recognized a difference between the two.

I will approach it with each child...some children need spanking, some children it doesn't work at all. I also think spanking is a very last resort and prefer to discipline in another way if possible. But I don't have any real problem with it.
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September 13th, 2009, 11:56 AM
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I was spanked but made an easy choice not to spank my LOs. I don't get the reasoning behind it..hitting someone you love, makes no sense to me
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September 14th, 2009, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Valerie mom of 4 View Post
I was spanked but made an easy choice not to spank my LOs. I don't get the reasoning behind it..hitting someone you love, makes no sense to me
Well I love my husband but sometimes.... j/k
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