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I need help, I'm at my wits end...

Forum: Attachment Parenting


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August 31st, 2009, 10:09 AM
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I am having a very difficult time with Kailey lately. She doesn't listen to anything I say. She is rude and back talks. She is THREE YEARS OLD. I don't understand where she is getting this behavior from.

I have to tell her 5 times to do something and she still won't do it until I raise my voice. Time outs are not working with her. She constantly makes excuses every time I'm talking to her and telling her how/why to or not to do something. "Well, well..." "but but but" and she won't stop and listen to me while I'm talking to her. I don't "do" that, I don't like that. I'm mommy and when I'm talking/disciplining, you listen. Period. I know she's not going to "get that" at her age, but it's a learning process and there has been 0 progression with anything.

I will put her in time out if she doesn't listen, but it doesn't phase her. She will throw an enormous tantrum, kick, scream, cry, scream scream SCREAM and I hate it. I'll make her sit in time-out in another room if she screams (which 98% of the time she screams) but that doesn't work. She just still screams/cries at the top of her lungs and it makes me sooo angry.

My child does not listen to me. I feel like I have no respect from her as her mother. I'm not perfect and I know I need to do things differently. I've never been very good with kids. I'm excellent with baby's but children are my downfall, it's very hard for me to relate/discipline etc.. children.

I don't have a connection with Kailey anymore. I don't know what happened, or how it happened. We have gone through a LOT of stuff this year since having Nola (Josh, Kailey, Nola and I are happy with each other, I'm talking about a lot of outside "stuff"/drama/bad luck happening like you wouldn't believe). This is why I haven't been on really the past 5mths. I know her attitude is acting out from not feeling in control, but I don't know how to get her back on track.

We have almost been here (in our house) for about 1month now. Our house is just now finally in order. Is it a mix of all these upheavals in her life this year, her diet (I fight with her EVERY day at every meal on her food), everything with her is a fight, a headache and it's wedging her and I apart I feel like I have no control over my daughter.
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August 31st, 2009, 11:03 AM
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Sorry you're going through that. I have days like that too with my 3yr old, maybe it's the age?
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August 31st, 2009, 11:34 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26,401
We're also starting to get into this with our 3 year old daughter. The tantrums are the same, she will SCREAM like you wouldn't believe. This morning it was because she said she didn't want her banana, so DH tried to eat it and she went into an all out tantrum about it. We're trying to just be patient with it. If she doesn't listen, we've started doing time-outs. Similiar to yours, she gets one downstairs if she cooperates and she goes upstairs on her own, if she starts screaming. I find myself removing her and all of us from situations a lot lately, because she isn't listening. We grocery shop on the weekends and she ended up being taken out of both stores we went to.

I guess I really dont' have any advice, I just assume this is a stage and will pass. Yours may be complicated by all of the changes and making it worse, but with consistent discipline, she should be back on track in a few months when she is out of this stage. Hang in there!

Andrea, mom to 3 beautiful girls - Abigail (8) Annabelle (6) and Alexis (3)

Expecting baby #4 in April - It's a BOY!

Two Little Monkies on Etsy
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August 31st, 2009, 11:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 2,516
my daughter is 3 1/2 yrs old and she just started screaming like a wild animal and also slamming her door like a teenager. I dot pay attention to the slamming door thing cause she will usually stop and move onto something else. the screaming usually i ask her why she is being so mean to me...she doesnt like being called mean....she has a time out chair too. ive found that if i let myself get as loud and mad as her she will just get worse. So, sometimes i will reverse phsycology on her and make her think that she has hurt my feelings and that im crying. That one usually works every time.
The eating thing will change. my girl was eating cheetos and pb&j for ever and would not touch anything else, now she eats tons. I thought i was gonna have a malnutritioned child. i just stock up on all the things she loves
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August 31st, 2009, 12:59 PM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11,408
I am so sorry you are going thru this Jackie. 3 is such a hard age. Everyone says the 2's are bad but never warn about 3.

I highly recommend the book,
Amazon.com: The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears: Foreword by Tim Seldin (Pantley) (9780071471596): Elizabeth Pantley: Books There are a lot of great idea's in the book for three year olds.

A lot of times there are so many problems with 3 year olds b/c they are just coming into their independence and learning how to communicate. They have some control and when they don't get all the control, they do not know how to handle it.

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August 31st, 2009, 01:56 PM
Posts: n/a
I like Elizabeth Pantley so I'm gonna check that out. Thanks everyone!
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August 31st, 2009, 07:49 PM
MommaNator's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,773

Thanks Julie_aka_Mommy!

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September 1st, 2009, 01:42 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 904
Kids Parents and Power Struggles..By Mary Kurcinka

This book is really really really wonderful, It gives alot of insightful common sense ideas and tools for diffusing exactly the thing you are currently experiencing.

I'm sorry you have been having a hard time, I've been wondering about you.

I would definitely take abrand new approach with her and talk with her about how things are not working the way they are now. I personally don't think 3 year olds are too young to understand when things are not working out that they can help make a difference.

I don't mind getting flamed for adding that Time-out really only makes a child that is hurting feel worse and it is likely that the behaviors you are seeing are a result of something not feeling right for Kailey already KWIM?

I'm pretty sure that you were looking at the principles of Unconditional Parenting a few months back, one major "lesson" that I learned from unconditional parenting is to be sure to really spend some kind of one on one time with each of your children every day. I don't have 2 kids (for another week or so) but it does make alot of sense that time with just you and her will make a big difference. Naomi Aldort has an awesome site.

Finally....how GORGEOUS ARE YOUR GIRLS!!!!!!!! Little Nola is just Adorable!! And I hope you stick around too, I've missed you.
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September 3rd, 2009, 01:21 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Dreamland...........
Posts: 2,644
Have no words of wisdom there since it's too soon for us yet, but man do i want to give you a and tell you that i hope this is just a phase that passes soon. You have NO IDEA how i fear that Stephie will be like that at that age or maybe later also. I fear it like death and i have NO CLUE what to do if that happens.......

" \m/ Now Iím riding through the air
going to where no one dares
on the way Iíll cross the line forevermore \m/ "

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