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separation anxiety etc

Forum: Attachment Parenting


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September 9th, 2009, 05:18 PM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: west sussex, england
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Just lately Maica has got to the point where she wont go anywhere without me, not even places shes been before like out for icecream with my ILs etc. Its really difficult Theres been a couple of times this week where i've had to leave her with DH and they've gone okay but only if i sneak out, which i feel really mean for doing, but if i say goodbye she'll start to cry. It feels so wrong to sneak out though, i feel like she should know whats happening, but i don't know how to go about saying goodbye without tears (if i sneak out she hears the door and says 'mama gone' and carries on playing)

at the same time when i do have to go out without her, i feel like i'm missing something i can't stand the feeling of not having her with me. The other day the girl i was out with took way longer than i said i'd be and i just wanted to be home with maica. People keep saying I should leave maica more often but it just doesn't feel right to do it. She will become more independant by herself right? i don't need to force separation to make it happen.

I guess i have a whole bunch of worries about when she needs to start preschool (its at least a year away or more, but still) and whether she'll be independant enough from me to go without tears etc...the system is so different to england here and they seem to be pretty brutal when starting school etc and not catering for sensitive little people... i want these thigns to be a gentle transition but the people here are just not gentle


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September 9th, 2009, 05:38 PM
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I personnally don't think its necassary to inforce a situation on a child. If she has a secure attachment at preschool age, and you prepare her for the experience she will do great.

DH and I left our dd with babysitters maybe 6 times in 3 years. She is a kid that needs time to feel secure in a new environment and is sensitive to noise. She started school tuesday and never even hesitated after her kissese and hugs from both of us to take off and explore on her own.She LOVES it already.

I would definitely suggest NOT sneaking away eventually that is only going to increase her anxiety. Talk to her tell her that you will be back and when kiss her hug her and then go. You only leave her with Dad right? The IL thing, make that a VERY exciting thing totally go overboard with excitement. You don't really want to be away from her? Don't go. You are going to have ALOT of time without her as she gets older. There's no reason to force her to have experiences you are BOTH uncomfortable with.

Finally your new siggy pics are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

Last edited by kimber; September 9th, 2009 at 05:44 PM. Reason: wasn't done
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September 10th, 2009, 02:33 PM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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thank you, its so nice to have some reassurance from someone who knows where i'm coming from.. the people here are just.. ugh!

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