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My one real struggle

Forum: Attachment Parenting


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September 11th, 2009, 11:12 AM
Kaylala's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,485
I have pretty much always done AP i breastfeed co-sleep wore my baby and i practice gentel discipline. but thats where i am having the problem Keaira listens so well when i am calm and can just ask her nicely to do what she needs to do, but if i am under alot of stress or i am busy and shes not listening or shes just really under my feet i lose my temper and sometimes i start yelling(i dont spank or hit her hands or anything just yell) and then it turns into this huge crying thing and i relize it was my fault so i calm down and then calm her down and ask her to do what ever it is then she does it. i have had an anger problem my whole life and i have a quick mouth I have settled down 95% since i have had Keaira but i still feel horible when i yell at her.

so the point of this all is how do you ladies keep your temper and what do you do when you do lose it
Momma to Keaira and Bethany, Wife to Michael <3
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September 11th, 2009, 02:47 PM
Mountain~Mama's Avatar ThePastHasNoPowerOverMe
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 24,476
if you find the the key to keeping your temper PLEASE let me know.
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September 11th, 2009, 05:34 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 904
Tell her you need to go find your patience and walk away...close yourself in the bathroom or sit on a chair or better yet create a spot that is only for quiet time and go there. If she follows you act serene and IGNORE her , breathe deeply in front of her 100 times if you need to, you will calm down and she will leran that you can and thus learn how to herself.

Some good lines:
"I need to go find my patience."
"If I don't get a minute I may be a yeller"
"O.K, thats enough, I'm losing my peace I'm going to sit quietly and find it"
"Relax time for Mom"

I really know what I'm talking about here, I could write the book on innapropriate parent modeling, and had a really hard time finding what worked for my DD and I. Since finding peaceful and connected parenting without power struggles and punishment DD and I have both really blossomed and I have to add that our connection is deeper than ever.

I found a TON of great ideas in the book Kids Parents and PowerStruggles by Mary sheedy Kurcinka

Its a hard hard age but they are learning so so much. Forgive yourself and remeber that your dd is a very resilient little person. It is crazy how well they respond to gentle techniques and how they really can pack on the SCARY when they know you have nothing left.
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September 11th, 2009, 05:36 PM
Mama To 3 Amazing Boys
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Just the other side of sane!
Posts: 7,153
^ Ditto that!!! I don't get a whole lot of sleep because Preston does have very good nights.....so, due to stress and lack of sleep, I have found myself losing patience and yelling too. It did a lot of bad things, Edward was completely potty trained and I've noticed the day that I yell a lot, he pees his pants....I've made a lot of efforts to be aware of my anger levels....and I've noticed since I've stopped yelling as much that he hasn't had any accidents whatsoever!!!
Wife to Chris (9.17.04)-Mama to Edward (7.15.05)-Preston (5.28.08)-Mason (11.4.10)-
Baby #4 and Baby#5: Born into Heaven - Joyce (3.22.17)
Proud Christian, Jesus Loving,Extended Breastfeeding, Co-sleeping, Babywearing, Cloth Diapering, Non-Vaxing, Homeschooling Mama!

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September 11th, 2009, 10:20 PM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Dreamland...........
Posts: 2,644
Originally Posted by Twelvetwentyone View Post
if you find the the key to keeping your temper PLEASE let me know.

" \m/ Now Iím riding through the air
going to where no one dares
on the way Iíll cross the line forevermore \m/ "

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September 12th, 2009, 12:51 AM
Xx5Xy1+'s Avatar What's your superpower?
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Wiesbaden, Germany
Posts: 1,428
I agree with the quiet time for mama suggestion, I do something similar for my girls. My number one pet peve is whining. I cannot stand the sound of a whining person regardless of the age. When my little ones start whining my patience immediately goes out the window. So I tell the little ones if they can't stop whining they will have to leave the room. "If you can't stop whining you'll have to go to your room until you can find your happy" (they're 3 and 4). Many times thats enough to get the whining under control, if not, then they go play quietly in their room for a while (obviously doesn't fully apply when they are sick as they have been this past week).

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Hoping to add a new member to our family through adoption in August 2011
I am a sleep deprived, pro-life, homebirth supporting, babywearing, extended breast feeding, cloth diapering, non-vaxing, attachment parenting, conservative thinking, Constitution defending, gun owning, Torah learning, US Army Veteran who is married to her hero... A US Army Soldier! If this offends you, then stop reading my signature!
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September 12th, 2009, 07:03 PM
Posts: n/a
After I've calmed down, I apologize to my dd, &/or dogs (usually the beagle) and explain why I was wrong to handle it like that. However, I love those other suggestions. I find sleep is my best tool to keep my temper under control and avoid coffee or other caffeine drinks. (I'm a tea drinker, decaf.)

No human is perfect. The best way to show your child that is by how to handle life and the aftermath when you've not handled it well. If we are perfect parents, we aren't teaching our children how to deal with ALL our emotions with a positive end.

Last edited by (.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.); September 12th, 2009 at 07:05 PM.
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September 12th, 2009, 07:09 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26,401
I have the same problem, taking a mommy time-out does not work with my DD though. I tried that in the past and she just follows me and gets even more upset. I just do my best to control my anger and try not to feel guilty when I have a moment that I do yell or lose my temper.
Andrea, mom to 3 beautiful girls - Abigail (8) Annabelle (6) and Alexis (3)

Expecting baby #4 in April - It's a BOY!

Two Little Monkies on Etsy
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September 13th, 2009, 11:04 AM
Posts: n/a
I usually lock myself in the bathroom for 2 minutes, take a couple deep breaths and then I'm ready to handle the situation
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