Log In Sign Up

Getting Kids to Talk

Forum: Attachment Parenting


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By NinjaCakes
  • 1 Post By breathing for two

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Attachment Parenting LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
April 15th, 2013, 09:10 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Are there ever times where you think your child has something to talk about but they seem like they don't want to talk? With my daughter, I've learned there are times that she wants to talk and times she doesn't. She NEVER wants to talk immediately after any kind of event/activity, even if it's about something positive. I've started to just leave her alone and wait until later at night or the next day. What is amazing is that if I give her that space, she not only talks to me, but she talks to me a lot and is completely open to anything I have to say as well. I think my husband and one of my friends think I am "letting her be mean" because I don't make her talk when she doesn't feel like it, but I see it more as being respectful to her. I know sometimes I'm not in the mood to talk and it bugs me when people try to make me.

I also read recently about this thing called "Roses and Thorns". Instead of asking the child how their day was, the parent asks if the child's day had any roses or thorns. Some people use high points and low points or something similar. I might try that if I ever need to, but I still think with my daughter it will mean giving her space first before talking.

Do you have any tips for you how you get your kids to talk?
Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy!
Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.
Reply With Quote
April 15th, 2013, 01:21 PM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,473
Each child is such a unique individual that I think it's hard to say there is a 'right way.' Some kids have a need or desire satisfied by being prodded to talk, and some will only pull away if they feel forced. Then there are the ones who will say anything to anyone and need no encouragement at all

I've dealt with kids who really, really needed to talk but for one reason or another (usually their parents punishing them for expressing their feelings in the past) did not feel safe or comfortable doing so. With those kids I gently let them know it is always an option for them to talk if they want to, and leave it at that. I don't get upset with them if they don't want to so they know they won't be punished no matter what they do. I may ask occasionally about something small to remind them that I do care, but I don't ever try to force it.

I agree that it is a matter of respect. They need to be taught that they have a right to talk about their feelings or withhold them if they want to, like everyone else. Nobody should be taught to accept that someone can force their feelings out of them (or anything else). More importantly, they do need to know that talking about their feelings (with the right person) is healthy and necessary. It is a hard lesson to teach and often people do not learn it until they've already adapted a very unhealthy system of dealing with their emotions. I wish this was something they would focus on in schools more.
alittlelost likes this.

Thanks so much Claire for my awesome siggy
Reply With Quote
April 15th, 2013, 02:14 PM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,755
I agree with a lot of what's already been said. I'm still at the point where I'm encouraging my kids to simply speak, but it's definitely an encourage but don't force situation.
IronMamma likes this.

Reply With Quote
April 18th, 2013, 08:11 PM
IronMamma's Avatar -Child Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 4,286
Originally Posted by breathing for two View Post
I'm still at the point where I'm encouraging my kids to simply speak, but it's definitely an encourage but don't force situation.

Drake is still too little really, but I agree with this.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

When you know better, you do better. And when you do better, you know HINTA.

Reply With Quote

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:52 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0