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Post partum help

Forum: Attachment Parenting


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May 24th, 2013, 09:51 PM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,473
Alright, big news - BF got the job we were really hoping for! It is a great job! Full time, overtime, benefits, holidays off, the works. And he likes it! Plus a two week vacation in the end of July so he will have some quality time with baby. We are so thrilled He'll get three days off when the baby is born. I'm extra happy about that because at his other job he likely would have only gotten one, and his boss probably would have thrown a fit about that much. However after those three days we'll be on our own. He works 7am-4:30pm and takes our car to work, so it'll just be the kitties, baby, and I here.

I've been thinking about possibly asking a family member to consider staying with us for a short time in case I need help during the day. The only person (literally the only) who lives here that we can ever count on is my step-dad. He works all day so if I should need help with some small thing I obviously wouldn't want to call him, especially since we live so far out of the way of everything.

There are very few others I would ever consider asking, and they live out of town. I don't doubt that they would help if they could. I just want to be sure I wouldn't be asking them for nothing. I wouldn't want them to take the time and travel here for no reason. Also, I tend to get a little irritable when people are in my personal space for a while. So moms, did you really need help after you had your babies? How much/for how long?

Thanks so much Claire for my awesome siggy
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May 24th, 2013, 10:33 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,971
Truthfully...I am totally fine for the first 6 weeks. After that...I go thru a period of about 6 weeks where it's hard, really hard. The sleep deprivation has set in, the initial "cloud nine" has started to wear off, a daily pattern has started but is still so new it's hard to adapt, but everyone seems to think post partum is over and I am back to normal.

Truly, i would consider having someone (or a couple someone's) come for a little while after those six weeks. It will allow you plenty of bonding time and your hormones will level out a bit so you might be more accepting of someone in your space. Plus, you may want to start venturing out out of boredom and having someone else can make that easier and possible.

For the record...I think post partum help is wonderful and rarely a "wasted trip." But I was just suggesting how I could maximize it for ME. Everyone is a little different

Congrats to BF (and you) on the great job news!!
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May 25th, 2013, 08:47 AM
CrunchyMommaTo2's Avatar Proud Momma
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Home
Posts: 3,134
^ I agree and since I'm going through it RIGHT now I'm really wishing DH was home more or my mom could come over and give me a break for a few minutes. I was great for the first 6 weeks. Absolutely no issues with sleep deprivation and I handled LO fine all day and night by myself. Now at just past 6 weeks I'm tired. I'm sleepy, I'm tired of hearing LO scream and not knowing what he wants. I just want to pass him off for 15 minutes and go for a walk by myself.
Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than anything but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out after I've been walking and bouncing him around the house for an hour.

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May 25th, 2013, 09:14 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
I wouldn't mind having help from someone I wouldn't mind having around (my dad, my aunt, or my mom) but otherwise I rather do it on my own than to have someone I'm not thrilled with purely for the sake of getting help. Sometimes "help" can do more harm than good--all depends on who is helping. Congrats to your family on the great job for your BF!
Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy!
Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.
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May 25th, 2013, 03:42 PM
IronMamma's Avatar -Child Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 4,286
First of all, grats to him getting that job!

Truthfully, I did not need help nor did I go through any depression. Motherhood just fit so well and Drake was such an incredibly easy baby that if someone wanted to help me there would not be help needed.

If I was you I would not ask for help until the baby is born and see how you are feeling. You may not need it.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

When you know better, you do better. And when you do better, you know HINTA.

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May 25th, 2013, 03:56 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,386
Congratulations on bf getting an awesome job! I agree with everyone else I would wait and see how you were feeling after the baby comes and then see. I had my parents 15 minutes away but there is no way I would have wanted anybody in my house. Even after Kellsey and having two at home. We needed time to settle into a routine.

Thank you so much AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggy!
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May 26th, 2013, 05:56 AM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,756
I totally agree that the first 6 weeks were easier for me to handle than the next 6 weeks. The only other thing I would add is that you never know how your delivery/birth will affect you. With Eleanor, I had gestational hypertension and had to be on magnesium for 24 hours after she was born. I was totally out of it, and I don't think the hospital would have allowed her to room with me if DH wasn't staying with us. Then it took me a few more days to get home and really get back to normal. It might be nice to have somebody willing to help during the first few days only if you have some kind of complication that makes your recovery more difficult.
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May 26th, 2013, 01:27 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northeast Georgia
Posts: 2,144
When my daughter Norah was born, my GMIL would watch my son Nathaniel for a little while every other day because I was tired and he would get really bored of hanging out in the house. GMIL lives right next door to us so she is a great help. But I would pull my hair out if someone were to stay at our house to help, since I feel the need to play hostess when someone visits.

When I had Nathaniel though, I didn't need help at all. He was a relatively easy baby though and most problems could be fixed by just laying in bed with him for a while, letting me rest and him just soak up some snuggle time But every baby is different.

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May 28th, 2013, 02:26 AM
ComfortablyMum's Avatar <3 Mummy 2 Eve <3
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 8,302
Congrats to your BF for getting the job!! that's awesome

As for the help, definitely ask for it if you feel like you will need it! In the nicest way possible, they will tell you 'no' if they really can't there is no harm in asking. I hope somebody does help you, cause I sure needed it!

My partners old job was very seasonal, so he would have months where he would have no work, then it would pick back up again. Thankfully (in a way) the down-period was over the 1st 4 months of Eve's life. I needed that help desperately. For the first 8-9 weeks of Eve's life, the poor wee mite was in constant pain from a cows milk allergy and reflux we didn't cotton on until she was 6 weeks old, then we had to wait for the meds and new formula to kick in.

That is just my experience though.

And if you can, try drop him at work and keep the car! Especially when you and bubba get into a routine. You will go crazy keeping yourself at home, or get bored of the things you can do nearer to home.

Eve Alexandra Mae | 18 Months

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May 28th, 2013, 11:00 AM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,473
Thank you ladies I don't think I've ever heard this before about after the first 6 weeks. It is interesting. By the time the six weeks is over, the person I had planned on asking will be back in school so that settles that. I will just have to try to schedule my surgery and my tooth extraction on Fridays since he only has half days on Saturdays.

I probably should have included the fact that BF doesn't cook, do dishes, pick up, laundry, etc. Those are the things I am worried about needing help with. BUT he isn't too fond of the idea of having someone in our personal space either, so he's going to have to step it up. When I was working a miserable job during the beginning of this pregnancy and throwing up every day I still stayed at work and came home and did all of the above. He can too!

Thanks so much Claire for my awesome siggy
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