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healing through in-arms crying

Forum: Attachment Parenting


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October 15th, 2013, 09:40 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057

Thoughts? When I was first exposed to these ideas I was confused because it seemed to fly in the face of AP dogma. Like the article about African babies not crying. But especially as M grew older and experienced more complex emotions, I found a huge insight from this approach to crying, and especially to tantrums and frustrated crying. What do you think? Is this AP? Is it focused on the needs of the child? Does it feel true that crying can be healing sometimes for us as adults, and if so, what is different about kids? Does it depend on age/development and if so, when would you feel comfortable with your child having a "healing cry"?

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October 16th, 2013, 05:42 AM
CrunchyMommaTo2's Avatar Proud Momma
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Home
Posts: 3,134
I do think sometimes crying can be healing, in the presence of loved ones. Sometimes I cry to get my frustrations out and if dh is holding me I feel like I can just let go and I feel so much better after. Age plays a big role here for sure as does the circumstances surrounding the cry. L has on occasion become so overtired he just needs to cry to get the rest of his energy out and then he goes right to sleep. No matter what I do he will not stop crying. I don't just leave him though, I carry him, walk around bouncing, telling him it is okay to be upset and mommy is here, sing a song, and his cries turn to a whimper and then he falls asleep. Does it break my heart? Absolutely, but I am there for him, and tell him so.

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October 16th, 2013, 09:45 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,084
I can see what they are saying! It also makes me feel like less of a screw up when baby is crying and can't be soothed

I have never felt strongly that I need to be the one comforting Arthur, if his dad is holding him while he's crying I'm comfortable with that, but I also don't see anything wrong with shhhing and otherwise soothing a crying baby. Maybe it's more about being intune with your child and reading the situation.

I do like having a good healing cry! It feels so good to just let that out!

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October 16th, 2013, 02:45 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Sometimes when my kids cry I just hold them and tell them, "It's okay, you can cry." and then they cry for a bit and then they are fine. I don't think there is a way for kids never to cry, only a way for us to meet their needs or, if their needs can't be met (or it's not a need) just be THERE for them, so they know you care.

I also think we don't want to always been in a whirlwind of panic trying to stop them from crying. We can calmly meet all their needs, and when that doesn't work, just be there for them. This shows them that being upset is nothing to panic over. That we fix what we can and it's okay to be sad about what we can't fix but it's not the end of the world. (You know, without saying that because that'd be a bit insensitive to say) but just want to show you understand they are sad and that they have the right to be sad and that you will be there for them while they are sad and that you aren't going to fall apart so they have someone to be strong and keep them safe while they are sad.
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