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Do you expect others to inconvenience themselves

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November 8th, 2005, 12:26 PM
Jacquie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 8,973
I don't know how much of a debate this will actually be, I am expecting that it will end up with everyone opposing me since this is a mommies forum , but I really do want to know what you think.

My sister has 2 kids, an 8 year-old boy and a 6 year-old girl, and they live an hour away from us. DH's sister has 2 kids, also an 8 and 6 year-old (both girls), and they live 10 hours away from us. Ever since these children were born, DH and I have been expected to do all the travelling since it was easier for us because we don't have kids. When the kids were little, I understood. I was a little irritated sometimes, but never said anything because I recognize the fact that I don't know what it's like, and maybe it really is as difficult as they say. Now though? Give me a break. You're telling me that you can't get your self-sufficient, walking 8 & 6 year-olds into the car to visit your family at Christmas?!! We make the 8 hour drive to DH's parent's house for Christmas, and his sister and BIL can't even make the 2 hour trip to meet us? My sister would like to postpone a Christmas celebration with us until we can make it to her house - well, how thoughtful of her.

Sorry about the rant, I'm just wondering how many of you do/have done this to family and friends? I also wonder if it really is as difficult as some people make it out to be - I'm wondering this because we're trying to get pregnant, and I really think I have those childless blinders on that say "how hard can it be?" For the record, I'm really looking forward to tossing the "it's too hard for us to travel with kids" argument back at them if I can ever get pregnant j/k
TTC #1:
5/28/05: miscarriage
08/30/05: miscarriage
01/15/05: misdiagnosed with PCOS
08/29/06: first appt at fertility clinic (was already pregnant with dd and didn't know it)
05/16/07: DD was born

TTC #2:
11/13/09: let's try again!
03/10/10: tests with new OB - everything totally normal for DH and I, no indication of pcos; officially diagnosed with "Unexplained Infertility"
04/21/10 - 10/13/10: 7 unsuccessful rounds of clomid with OB
11/13/10 - 14/23/11: 3 unsuccessful IUI's with clomid at fertility clinic
07/27/11: ER for IVF - retrieved 27; 17 were mature enough to fertilize; all 17 fertilized; 11 made it to day 3 embryos; 6 made it to day 6 blasts. Transferred 1, froze 5.
08/08/11: positive hpt!
08/13/11 - 08/20/11: positive blood test (186), but cramping and bleeding. 2 days later, blood at 275; 2 days later, blood at 21. Inevitable miscarriage.
10/13/11: start suprefact for first FET
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November 8th, 2005, 12:30 PM
Posts: n/a
No; it's not nice to inconvenience others at all. We are the ones that chose to have children--we should have known it wouldn't always be very convenient to have them around!! And if we didn't, CRASH COURSE! hehe.

(I see you're TTC, so you'll find that out! LOL)
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November 22nd, 2005, 04:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 1,156
On the record, my sister lives 10 hours away, and has no children. The rest of our family is in the same general vicinity as we are, and we have 2 children (2 & 2 months). We don't expect her to come see us all the time. We try to go down & visit her every 6 months or so. She comes up every 6 months (or more depending on activities -- weddings, funerals, baptisms, etc). So we see each other every 3 months or so.

So in response, no I don't think people should demand things be planned around them just because they have kids. They have to be flexible as well.

Thank you SpinkD for my new Siggie!

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November 23rd, 2005, 08:30 AM
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 444
My sisters are both on their 3rd marriages and had their children with their second husbands (their kids are all teenagers now). I remember over the years how we had to do things around them since the kids had to split time between each parent after they divorced. Now that I have two children of my own I either show up at all the festivities each year or I don't, but I don't expect anyone to work around me just because I have two kids. I couldn't stand how my sisters used to do that. I will admit that when our daughter was a tiny baby we would go out early on Christmas eve to my dad's house just because we didn't want to be out late after her bedtime or out in the cold, but that was just for the first couple of years of her life and everyone else just went later for the party and didn't care what we did as we didn't inconvenience anyone. They were usually just sad if they missed us before we went home early.
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November 23rd, 2005, 08:31 AM
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 444
Oh and I forgot to add somethings....it's just one time a year that families can plan for several months how they want to do things. I have a hard time beleiving someone can't plan Christmas a couple months ahead of time instead of waiting til that time to tell everyone to work around them. It's just one time of year ya know.
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December 20th, 2005, 08:59 AM
justjaQ's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sterling Heights, MI
Posts: 19,640
My in-laws live 8-10 hours away, and they would not have met our 2-year-old yet, had I not brought him out there. This summer, I made the trip with just me and the little guy. It wasn't a big problem, but I DO have a VERY well-behaved young man.
They won't meet our next arrival until I take the kids out next summer. We can better afford it, and that's it.
msjaQ- 28, pantheist AP detroit mama to:
timothy michael, august 31, 2003, 12:02pm, 8 lb. 4 oz., 21"- 38 wks.
melissa may, april 7, 2006, 1:31pm, 7 lb. 10.5 oz., 19.5"- 36.5 wks
nicholas michael, january 31, 2010, 5:12pm, 5 lb. 11 oz., 18.25"- 37.1 wks
damon michael, january 21, 2012, 1:31am, 6 lb. 14 oz., 20", 38 wks
rainbow baby left me at 6-1/2 weeks on 09.08.12~ never forgotten, sweet child

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December 20th, 2005, 09:35 AM
baccalynnwv's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 5,232
No, other shouldn't inconvenience themselves...like it has been said, we are the ones that choose to take on the responsiblitiy of having children... having said that..

it is sooo nice when someone comes up to me in the parking of Wal-Mart and says, "I see you have two kids there in the car, I'll park your buggy for you." or "You go ahead inside, let me get the door, I know what it's like to have an arm full of kids." lol....

Now that my babies are babies, I might not take them to family gatherings because of how cold it is or how dangerous the roads might be, but I wouldn't EXPECT my family to come to me either.

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<div align="center">Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6</div>
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December 20th, 2005, 06:41 PM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horseheads NY
Posts: 1,997
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I am one of the ones that lives farthest away i travel with Emily to see my family they all live basically in the same area i moved away so instead of all them coming here i go there not a big deal.

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December 21st, 2005, 05:55 AM
kellybee's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 281
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Oh, wow, with my husband's family, it's the exact opposite. We are always the ones expected to go to them, no matter what age our daughter was. Of course, they're mostly a bunch of selfish jerks, so I guess that could explain it!!

I'm not saying we ever had a problem with going to them, but they always expected us to drop everything for them and do whatever silly thing it was they wanted us to do. One year on mother's day, his younger sister called and demanded that DH go help her move. We got into a huge argument over it because I felt that it was rude for him to leave his wife and daughter on mother's day for something that certainly could have been planned in advance (she's flaky like that). This year, we're having a bit of a disagreement again. We're going to his mother's (3 hours away) the day after Christmas and spending the night. His other sister is coming in to his mother's house from Colorado for a week (she has no kids and will be off work, obviously) on January 6. She emailed him and told him she "expects" to see him there while she's there. He says we should take time off work and school and go down. WTH? If it's so important, she could drive up here and see him. It goes on and on like this. The last couple of times she was here in town visiting friends she never even came to see him, but we're expected to do what we're told at their convenience. It drives me crazy!!!

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December 31st, 2005, 03:43 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,204
Our family pretty much all live in the same area so kids or no kids we are the ones who usually make the trip for visits!!!

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