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-   -   Please, and info / encouragment would help :( (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f106-high-risk-pregnancy/2615557-please-and-info-encouragment-would-help.html)

QuiverfulMommy January 16th, 2013 07:07 PM

Please, and info / encouragment would help :(
Yesterday we received some pretty bad news at my OBGYN and U/S visit. :(
This is my 6th pregnancy and C section, and I was informed that the baby has implanted on my old scar, the scar is thinning, and I have a placenta previa right now. (it is still early in my pregnany and the placenta can move but the DR said the baby had implanted directly ontop of it and even after moving it would still likely be there). The DR discusssed that possibility of total dehiscence (rupture) and said that because I have a history of accreta (4th pregnancy) it is a very real danger and worry that this will happen again. To complicate things even more I am positive for Kell antibody which required us delivering baby number 5 a month early. I went for a blood titer yesterday with results back friday morning (uggh I hate waiting that long) the DR said if the titer was as bad as w last pregnancy I can expect either a) in utero blood transfsions or b) another early delivery. She said to 'plan' on a delivery sometime between 25-36 weeks depending on how long my scar can hold up. I will DEF not go to 38 weeks she said best case scenario they will do repeat c section at 37 weeks d/t pressure on scar but could go earlier if scar isnt holding up or baby becomes too anemic d/t kell antibody. I know medical termination is an option..but it is not an option for us.

To complicate everything to the 3rd power (as if this wasnt all complicated enough lol ) DH and I are quiverful. we allow God to choose the spacing of our children and dont belive in BC. add to that his and mine VERY catholic family who are calling me on the phone telling me that a tubal ligation is against God and that I should either abstain forever until menopause or only have relations 1x a month (day before AF would begin so as to be quite conservative with the timing and possibility of being pregnant). They dont seem to grasp the idea that this is LIFE THREATENING and I can afford another baby even if by accident and surprize!

I guess what I am looking for is to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation and surviced through it with baby. I wanna hear the good and the bad so i can be well prepared. what happened to u? to baby? did u need a hystorectomy? did u get ur tubes tied? do u have a friend this happened to? any answers or words of encouragent would be really helpful. all I ahve geard really from friends and family is either terminate or have faith. I just need some down home honest answers. TIA. :unsure:

*Whiskey* January 19th, 2013 09:00 AM

Re: Please, and info / encouragment would help :(
I do not have any advice for you though I do feel as though you need to put your health before your family's opinion. While I understand the difficult situation that puts you in (I'm Catholic as well) I believe that being there to raise your family is a better option than not getting sterilized and perhaps tragic consequences.

I will be keeping you in my prayers

Dee Darling 3 January 19th, 2013 09:56 AM

Re: Please, and info / encouragment would help :(
:hug: I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.

I don't have all the same experiences you have had, but I commend your ability to endure the stress of the pregnancies. I have had 3 children with what my OB considers not normal pregnancies and 2 miscarriages. I endured the stress of PTL and pending miscarriages with my third and decided to have a tubal because of it. I also ended up having IUGR with her (due to placental infarctions).

I don't have any easy answers. The road is very stressful (as you well know) and I hope you have very few problems. In terms of what to do for the future, that is something to get advice from your doctor what you could expect should you maintain the quiverful beliefs about pregnancy and how that could impact your life (and your family's lives). Then you and your DH need to discuss what is best for you two and your family.

I can't proclaim to have a full understanding about quiverful lifestyles, but completely understand the Catholic conservative one. I thought my mother would disown me for having my tubes tied, but she supported me for it. Yes, tubals go against the Catholic beliefs (and I couldn't have it down at the Catholic hospital either), but I believe that God gives us the intelligence to use science for the benefit and health of society. Sometimes that is God's plan for us.

Good luck, and I will be praying for you. KUP

bcogoli January 19th, 2013 11:52 AM

Re: Please, and info / encouragment would help :(
Im so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I do agree with Dee, i would consult with your doctor and then make a.decision. I know is hard but try to ignore what everyone else thinks and you and your husband make a decision based on what is best for you. Maybe you can talk to a pastor or priest and get their input and support too.

Please keep us updated. Im praying for you.

SierraWinter February 7th, 2013 05:14 PM

Re: Please, and info / encouragment would help :(
Hi I've never been on this board but thought I would poke in and say hi. I'm 36, pregnant with (God willing) our first and, while I've known it would be high risk, I didn't know how high of a risk until this week. My doctors are saying that my life could be at risk in the third trimester, even after delivery, which really is not what I expected to hear. We created this life so I will see this through and have to pray that God will have his hand in the situation. Now the decision is what to do after this pregnancy...i always thought I would have several kids, so we'll see if its really as rough as they say. My personal beliefs are that I don't take any form of birth control that has a potential to terminate a pregnancy after conception. I don't plan on giving up my sex life, I also don't plan on running what we do by our families (even though we are very close to them). Its overwhelming to run things by your family when you and your spouse haven't even made a decision. While my MIL thinks she gets say in everything we do, she doesn't. My commitment is to her son and only to her son. Our family can way too up in our business so we have only told a few about our situation (family that wont stick there nose in our business).

Pray about it, do some research, there are safe alternatives (maybe even a tubal ligation). You have to be reasonable and not put your life in jeopardy. Having their children grow up without a mother because of how your family feels, might not be the best idea. Its a tough situation. I'm not really sure what we'll do either, my DH and I have to have to figure it out. But I feel where you're coming from, its kind of scary and a lot to deal with. Hope you find some peace in all of this.

TaraJo29 February 24th, 2013 05:09 PM

Re: Please, and info / encouragment would help :(
Wow, what a lot to worry about. :( I understand the dilemma since I am Catholic. (My understanding is that your families are Catholic but you are not?) Anyway, we clearly have a similar view of birth control and family. I believe that bc or sterilization is a mortal sin (aside from exceptions where you need a hysterectomy or you will die from cancer - but the sterilization in that case is a byproduct of the act which is meant to save your life). But the CC does not allow bc or tubal ligation under any circumstances... even if it's VERY important for you to avoid pregnancy.

BUT the CC does teach that you CAN use Natural Family Planning (NFP) to avoid pregnancy if you have a "grave reason." Clearly, you have a grave reason to avoid another pregnancy, so you could learn one of the NFP methods and successfully abstain from pregnancy for the rest of your life and even your Catholic families can not (at least should not) give you a hard time about it. Using NFP for a grave medical reason is completely without sin. You would need to be diligent and careful, but it is a very good option for someone in your situation. There is no artificial birth control. There is only abstinence during times of fertility. I would recommend learning the Sympto-Thermal Method (STM of NFP). This method takes into account many factors (your basal body temp, your cervix position/opening, your mucus signs, and I even pay attention to other signs like food cravings and libido which really help). Some NFP methods only use one symptom like mucus signs to determine the fertile phase, but the STM uses many signs that help to cross-check. If you learn through The Couple to Couple League you will also have access to your instructor to ask questions, look at your chart, etc. The STM is actually VERY effective when used as intended (i.e. you don't break the rules). It's also very doable when you get used to it. You could even work with your instructor to make the rules more strict to give yourself even more piece of mind and room for error. The STM of NFP is as effective as the pill!

I actually used to be a "have as many babies as God gives you and whenever He gives them" person. That's how my first 4 babies came to be. But when I became Catholic I realized how much the CC values human life, human dignity, and family/children, just like I had all along, but yet had a reasonable answer for those who really need to avoid pregnancy for a serious reason: Natural Family Planning. No interrupting God's design for marital relations, no butchering your body, no avoiding marital relations for the rest of your life. Instead, your learn the natural phases of fertility and infertility that God has designed for your body and only have relations when you are infertile.

It would take some getting used to but would be so worth it. You could definitely have relations more than once a month!! Your instructor would probably advise you to be overly-cautious at first and then gradually allow more relations as you are more certain of your fertility signs and detecting ovulation. You can search for instructors and classes in your area:

The Couple To Couple League

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