JustMommies Message Boards

JustMommies Message Boards (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/)
-   Home Birth (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/)
-   -   Tired of being put down (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/1110451-tired-being-put-down.html)

inyourhonor June 14th, 2008 11:00 AM

I don't get why I even bother sharing this pregnancy with anyone other then my husband. Everyone who has found out we're pregnant has pretty much put me down for my choice to have a HBAC.

My first birth was far from idea, I am glad my son game out healthy and is now a happy 2 1/2 year old. Thats all that matters to me. But yes, I am bitter and hurt by his birth. It could have all been avoided had I not been 19 and naive. Now, I'm 22 and have done my research, educated myself more (I was educated, but they were good at scaring a 19 year old first time mom then) and am very happy and calm in my choice to have a home birth.

My biggest supporter is my husband. Who at first was dead set AGAINST having a home birth. If he can open his mind and heart, why can't our families? My MIL tells me I'll have to have a section again since I already had one. My SIL (who honestly means well, but had hard births herself) told me to skip labor and just schedule the section and that I was nuts for even thinking about having a vaginal birth. My mom, she seems ok with it but there are comments that she makes that just are, well, hurtful.

I wondering if I shouldn't even discuss this pregnancy with them. They're taking the joy out of because of how I am choosing to birth! I know even though my mom doesn't seem to agree with it, she will support me. She has already said she'd be there to help care for my son so my husband can help me focus on labor and birthing.

Sorry for venting. Its just getting to me. Since we chose to have a home birth, I have been more calm and relaxed about this pregnancy. Taking it in stride and ease. This is the only downfall to it. :frown:

seahorse_3 June 14th, 2008 12:17 PM


Since we chose to have a home birth, I have been more calm and relaxed about this pregnancy.[/b]

Too true, I know just how you feel. When I decided on a home birth I felt so good about my decision, and I felt so good about labor and birth but I had pretty much nobody on my 'side.' It's a pretty lame thing to begin with when you have to have "sides" in a situation like this.. You either support someone's decision or you don't, but why wouldn't you...? Some things just don't make sense to me. I don't think it would be a bad idea if you just kept your pregnancy between you and your husband, you two (three technically ;)) are all that matter anyway. What you tell or don't tell the rest of your families can't be held against you and don't let them make you feel otherwise.

pat899 June 14th, 2008 07:27 PM

Your choice will educate them only after the fact. Until the birth they will only see it as an impending diaster.

Are you sure you want your mom to watch your little boy during the birth? Maybe you could find someone who is acutally supportive. The negative energy and comments she would bring to your birth could hamper or stalll your progress.

Lonomia June 14th, 2008 08:38 PM

I think that it is fabulous that you want a HBAC. Anytime that you go against the grain of society you are going to get raised eyebrows (and more) but if you have confidence and a passion for what you want then you must do it. My only child was born at home and it was the most wonderful experience. Having your DH as a support makes a HUGE difference. Mine was there at my side giving me more than I ever could have asked for thats for sure.

inyourhonor June 14th, 2008 08:57 PM


Your choice will educate them only after the fact. Until the birth they will only see it as an impending diaster.

Are you sure you want your mom to watch your little boy during the birth? Maybe you could find someone who is acutally supportive. The negative energy and comments she would bring to your birth could hamper or stalll your progress.[/b]
She is my only option to watch my son. We don't live in our home town and I still don't have any friends where we live now. My mom is the only person here who I can trust to take care of him. Pending on the time I am in labor, he may go to her house or hopefully sleep through it. It all depends on if I'm sleeping.

I do think that if anyone is going to come around, it would be my mom. She is not so old fashioned in her thinking I just think she's nervous since my first birth. Which I understand, but her comments at times are just hurtful.

I do want to thank you all. I am very happy in my choice to have a home birth. I was never this relaxed during my first pregnancy and I was pretty calm then. My MIL is in her 60s and my SIL is in her 40s (my husband was a surprise baby, he'll be 28 this year and is 11 years younger then his brother). So I under stand their thinking.

I really do hope that this educates them and helps them understand that the hospitals are there for when you need them. Not for every minor thing. I could never go through another c-section.

Thank you all though. It really means a lot. Just having a down hormonal pregnant day.

ragmama June 14th, 2008 10:49 PM

Glad you're feeling a little better now - and couldn't agree more about your birth educating them only after the fact. My MIL is older (early 70s) and was *terrified* of my having my baby at home - she just knew something terrible would happen to us both. She was horrified when she showed up after Amelia was born and learned that she was born in a pool. But even she had to come around when she saw how calm and happy everything was after the fact, and heard what a wonderful experience I had. :smile:

My mom was a little hesitant at first, but she came around to the idea most easily of anyone...and now she loves to brag to anyone who'll listen about how her kid gave birth to a 9 lb, 6 oz baby in her living room! :lol:

I hope your family will come around as well - even if it is only after the fact. I would say, just don't discuss them with it any more than you have to. They know your plans, let it go at that. If they insist on bringing it up, let them know that you will not debate the issue and upset yourself - that THAT is much more harmful to yourself and your baby than birthing at home. Be firm with them, and surround yourself with as many positive people as you can. And rant to us any time. ;)

Best of luck!!

mommyrach June 19th, 2008 04:50 AM

Yes, why is it even when we're grown and adults and have our own families do our families still have a say!

Remember, in the end, the only thing that matters is you and your husband. You guys have your own family now and you do what feels right.
Like ragmama, my MIL is older too and has many opinions that are old fashioned too. It wasn't long ago that women didn't mention "girl things" especially birth. So we may need to be sensitive to some of these ideals at times too.

_Brandy_ June 19th, 2008 09:59 AM

I would tell anyone planning a homebirth to not tell their families or anyone that they are not certain would be supportive.

I had a midwife with my 3rd (at home) and some people knew, but most did not. With my 4th I went unassisted (no midwives to hire anywhere) and I lead everyone to believe (without actually saying it) that I was having a midwife present again, afterwards they heard the rest of the story. Now, this time (I was done at 4 kids) people know and don't say anything.

MissyPrincessEha June 19th, 2008 12:35 PM

This is the sad fact...people are scared of birth....and they are waiting for you to fail. I see this in EVERY birth I attend! It drives me nuts.

In my own births I didn't talk about anything with people who made me feel this way. And I made sure they KNEW that the comments were NOT allowed!

Sometimes we have to just put that foot down man!

Congrat's on your HBAC plans! :)

*Vero* June 19th, 2008 04:33 PM

I was lucky, I didn't have much negativety but I also had a cousin who paved the way for me! I bet she got a lot more negative comments I did.

My mom was much like yours... not really against it but would make hurtful comments... what annoyed me most about my mom is that she would make these comments and then refuse to debate them. If I tried talking to her about what I had researched and why it was not unsafe, she would simply say "whatever, you're the one who is doing this... it's just that if it was me I'd feel safer..." blah blah blah It really hurt me in different levels... she tells me I'm the one who did the research but still felt the need to inject her negative comments, but will not discuss with me and the most hurtful level was that if she felt the need to make those negative comments the she did not believe it was safe... I'd like to think that if one of my daughters was doing something I didn't consider safe I'd like to discuss it with them and listen to what they have to say about it... not just say "whatever"!

Funny thing is that my mom now admits that she did not want to admit to anyone she talked to that I was doing a home birth before the fact. Now, after the fact, she loves to brag about it!! LOL She'll tell anyone that will listen that her daughter had her second baby at home!!

booboobunny June 20th, 2008 09:54 AM

Sorry your having to deal with that ! My hubby was against it until he saw the documentary "the business of being born". And he has been actually doing research on other things about HB. My mom is for it but i can sense her concerns. Honestly i think she doesn't think i will go through with this. So i really have not mentioned it again after i told her the first time. My MIL on the other hand doesn't like the idea she said that "i'm different" lol. I don't understand what so different about it this is what woman did before hospitals came about. I don't plan on telling anyone else until after the baby is born, this way i can avoid all the unnecessary comments and reactions. Though i love talking about it to ppl who are not judgmental and actually curious about HB.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:29 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright © 2003-2012 JustMommies.com, All Rights Reserved.