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-   -   How do I convince DH (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/1409789-how-do-i-convince-dh.html)

noworries January 26th, 2009 11:49 AM

that a homebirth is perfectly safe?
We are currently TTC #2 and I would love a homebirth but DH just isn't going for it. I have provided him with studies showing that homebirths are just as safe, if not safer, than hospital births (he is a facts kind of guy) but he still hasn't been convinced. He's just afraid something could go wrong and we are about 25 minutes from the nearest hospital.
With our first daughter I had a natural childbirth in a hospital and it was a great experience for being in a hospital but I would love to have a home water birth this time around. I also had a completely routine, complication free pregnancy last time so I think I would be perfect to have a home birth.

Isaeph January 26th, 2009 06:11 PM

Maybe a consult with a midwife would help? My best friend saw a really awesome one around your area last year.

inyourhonor January 26th, 2009 06:56 PM

I also agree on consulting a midwife. My husband was not on board till he met our midwife. Have him go with a list of questions he wants to have answered and let him talk.

My husband was nervous because our first was an unplanned c-section so we were planning an HBAC. His concerns were genuine and I understood them. I think during our pregnancy in time, he understood why my trust in the hospital was lost. Especially after a scare when I was 35 weeks. He said we would not deliver there, then I knew he was on board.

Also maybe have him watch the business of being born?

noworries January 27th, 2009 01:35 PM

Thanks ladies. I was thinking about the consult with the midwife too. There is a wife and husband team of midwifes here that do homebirths and they have a lot of the same beliefs/ideas that I do so I think it would be great to have them. The husband is also an EMT so I am hoping that will make my DH feel better about it.

Xx3Xy0 January 28th, 2009 02:54 AM

If the facts aren't doing it... try the stuff in the 'Convincing DH thread' and if that doesn't work, you can always try my sister or my tactic...

My sister basically told her husband "when its your uterus, you can decide where you deliver, but since this baby is in my body... I get do decide and you can support me or get over it"

I basically told dh... "When we get pg (we were still ttc at the time...actually we were pg just didn't know it yet) one of two things WILL happen with this baby. You will either do ALL the homework and know what I will tolerate and what I won't tolerate, what interventions I will accept and which ones I wont...and why. You will then grow a spine and become the alpha male protector wolf and defend my decisions to the death........ or we'll be having this baby at home"

Both of our husbands agreed to a homebirth, but you should have seen the look on my husbands face. He was FIRMLY against homebirth before that conversation... I guess he realised how serious I was about not birthing in a hospital again.

Basically, I would show your husband all the statistics and studies and then have a real heart to heart with him. Tell him that your body was made to do this and child birth is a natural, physiological process, not a condition that needs to be monitored and treated by a surgeon (which is what an OB/GYN is... they are trained to find and treat pathology, which is not what a normal pregnancy is). Find a midwife and enlist their help as the pp suggested. The biggest thing is (in my opinion) is to be blatently honest about your feelings on the matter. You've already had one natural childbirth, so its not like you're trying to convince your dh to let you HBAC (which can be very scary for husbands, especially if the previous c/s was traumatic or emergent). Then be patient with him, they've had as much indoctrination as the rest of the world that the only safe place to have a baby is the hospital.

Also, I'd recomend getting the dvd "Pregnant In America" and having him watch it. Its made BY a dad-to-be and has more experts and information that you could EVER want. I watched it yesterday and it absolutely confirmed my decision to birth at home (granted, I'm in Germany so if something happened that I *had* to deliever at the hospital, I would be slightly less upset about it than if we delivered in the states). You might also try to get him to read the book 'Pushed'.

noworries January 28th, 2009 10:23 AM


You've already had one natural childbirth, so its not like you're trying to convince your dh to let you HBAC (which can be very scary for husbands, especially if the previous c/s was traumatic or emergent).[/b]
I just wanted to clarify that when I said "natural", I didn't just mean vaginal, I meant no pain meds.

noworries January 28th, 2009 10:50 AM

I didn't see the "convincing DH sticky" before but I just checked it out and it has some great stuff. Thanks.

ShaunaB January 28th, 2009 05:04 PM

Hi Carrie! I think it really took Stefan finally knowing someone personally who had a recent successful homebirth for him to finally come around to the idea. It was especially helpful for him to quiz the husband about his fears/concerns.

The midwife team you mentioned sound great. Perhaps through them you can be introduced to other couples who have already had a homebirth, and then your DH will get the chance to hear real live success stories.

Sk8ermaiden January 29th, 2009 09:22 AM

I quoted facts at mine for years. :lol: Good thing too, because I had already warmed him up when we "surprise!" got pregnant. Then, what really pushed him over the edge was that he really, really likes our midwife. He is an engineer, and I think she reminds him of one. Experienced, organized, professional. Wonderful stats.

Even though I know it's important for me to really connect with the midwife (and I do), I saw it as even more important that HE be comfortable with her, because I will need him, and he will be useless to me if he's worried about her competency.

And then he's coming home and asking me the statistics, "Which country is is that has the best birth outcomes that mostly uses midwives?" "What was that you said about the mortality and morbidity rates?" Because he got in an argument with someone at work and wants to have his facts in line when it comes up again. I was like :jawdrop: Who knew?

Martina January 29th, 2009 01:17 PM

well my DH wasnt convinced until after my first home birth (very typical of him LOL), I kind of told him before the birth that yeah yeah yeah we will go to hospital meanwhile planning homebirth with my midwife. He even asked his mother to talk to me on the phone to tell me I am silly to have home birth LOL.
The only thing that bugs me he says he was always supportive of home birth!! Yeah! right!! that is why I pretty much gave up on convincing and pretended I would go to hospital LOL, he knew though close to birth that hospital wasnt going to happen, having the pool and new hose around the house was kind of give away!! LOL

noworries January 30th, 2009 11:19 AM

DH has agreed to have a consultation with the midwives. I am really hoping that after he is able to ask them all of his questions he will feel more comfortable with it.

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