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-   -   Significant Other and Appointments (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/1875741-significant-other-and-appointments.html)

Effervescence February 15th, 2010 10:53 PM

Significant Other and Appointments
DH doesn't go to my midwife appointments. He went to the second one, when we got to hear the heartbeat the first time, and he went to the ultrasound of course, but other than that he can't really take the time off work. That sounds terrible, but he is really swamped during the weekdays. She makes later appointments, but the weather here has been terrible- I don't want to drive that far in the snow and ice, in the dark. And the weather always seems to get worse at night too. Take today. I went to the appointment, and then a couple hours later we got dumped on. There's no way we could have made it if we waited for DH to get off work.

Well, the midwife is always disappointed that he doesn't come. She's always asking me why he doesn't come etc. He would have to take an entire day off work, for a half hour appointment- literally just go in the door, take my BP, listen for the heartbeat, and a "see ya next month." He goes to the community events there, though, so she sees him and has gotten to know him, and he is getting familiar with the surroundings.

I guess I am just surprised that she's kind of making a big deal about him not coming to the appointments. She's really pressing the issue, and what am I supposed to say over and over again, just that he has work. Without him working, we can't pay for her! Or he'd have to work on the weekends and miss time with his son.

Does any one else's husband not go to all the visits? How does your midwife feel about it?

Kelllilee February 15th, 2010 11:29 PM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
DH went to all the appointments but a couple with my last pregnancy. But with my middle child he was out of town or working long hours and I think he maybe went to ONE appointment. My midwife never said anything about it... but she wasn't the type to really care about that (not a big fan of hers)

Maybe she's just worried that he won't be supportive or know how to be supportive during the birth because he's not physically "showing" her his support by coming to appointments. Maybe next time she mentions it ask her why she feels it's important for him to be there.

sodagirl February 16th, 2010 12:05 AM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
My Dh has come to a couple appointments. My best friend and her kids came to one and some I've been alone. It doesn't seem to be a big deal one way or another with my midwives. Honestly I like being alone sometimes. I think I would tell her you aren't worried about and and don't feel unsupported - and ask her what she's worried about.

Twinkle February 16th, 2010 05:32 AM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
My DH is a police officer and his schedule is completely unpredictable, not to mention he works a rotating schedule, so his hours and days off change every 4 days. My midwives know this. He comes to appointments when we can, but realistically, he just can't come to all due to work. It doesn't matter to me at all, he was at my u/s and at my first m/w appt.... but other than that, he doesn't take off of work to come, and I don't expect him to.

HappyHippy February 16th, 2010 08:48 AM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
DH comes to all mine. They are hour long appointments and we talk about the birth a lot, so it's good that he comes.

jhmomofmany February 16th, 2010 01:04 PM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
My DH missed almost all the appointments during my pregnancy with Mary b/c he was almost always out of town.

He missed the first appointment, but my last appointment was scheduled for a Saturday and so is the next one.... so he will be able to be home for those. My mw knows we can't afford for him to take time from work, and I doubt it would concern her at all. By now, his support of homebirth and his performance during delivery has been well established. ;)

Pyrodjm February 18th, 2010 03:25 AM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
One of my husband's days off usually falls on a weekday so we schedule our appointments then. She comes to our home and I love that DD and DH get to see her. He was with me for all of my appointments fr my first pregnancy also.

oriel13 February 18th, 2010 07:32 AM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
My DH has never come to an appointment this time and also never met my midwife. She always tells me that he's welcome but she knows he is military and the chances of him getting time off to come with me are slim to none. He's having to use a vacation day just to come to the 20 week u/s (the only thing he'll be accompanying me for this pregnancy). Initially I was bummed out but it doesn't bother me now.

I agree, I'd ask her why it's so important that he be there if it's not bothering you that he's not.

Effervescence February 18th, 2010 03:23 PM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
I guess what really confuses me is that she had said before that it's no big deal if he doesn't come. She said it herself that most of the appointments are just a quick check-in, and not really much for the dad to do. She said she wants to do a Saturday appointment in April with the whole family (Jonah too- I haven't been bringing him either because he's had a lot of his own appointments. I don't want to disrupt his day any more. MIL watches him during his nap, and that is when I schedule appointments for) I don't know- it just seems odd that she told me one thing in the beginning and now she's pushing for something different, that isn't very convenient for us. KWIM? And like I said, he is showing his support by coming to the birth circle, which I think is a BIG way to show his support because most of the dads stay home for that, and he comes to the birth center with me whenever she has a speaker and a discussion group. I'll talk to her about it. Maybe she feels like in the group setting she can't really get to know him?

Twhylite21 February 18th, 2010 08:36 PM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
Dae has only been to one appt with me (besides the 20 week u/s) and that was this past Monday. He has the week off and I purposely scheduled it because I wanted him to meet the midwives before the birth. He works a lot and can't take a lot of time off so they are fine with him not coming to appts. They did think it was important to meet him at least once before the birth though, which both DH and I agreed with since I wanted him to be more comfortable with them in the house, etc.

soImarriedAnerd February 18th, 2010 11:41 PM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
My dh made all but one and that was ONLY because my m/w was open till 9pm on wed nights! So we went when work was over.

CameraLinds February 19th, 2010 04:20 AM

Re: Significant Other and Appointments
he made it to all my prenatal not my 6w pp visit. (hope he'll be able to be there for them all next time)

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