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-   -   Worried about an older child? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/1974461-worried-about-older-child.html)

Twinkle May 11th, 2010 12:04 PM

Worried about an older child?
Are you worried about any of your older children and how they might transition to their new role as a big sister/brother? Do you worry how they will be during labor?

Effervescence May 11th, 2010 08:49 PM

Re: Worried about an older child?
I am pretty worried about how Jonah will react to "some new little person" taking up time during his routine. He is VERY VERY VERY routine oriented. I know he won't like that I'll have to work around Evelyn's routine for a while rather than his. I'm hoping we can figure out a way to make his routine still work, and still meet her needs. I'm especially worried about waking up in the morning. Jonah has a melt down if I don't get him up right away, the dog pees in the house if I don't put him out right away, and now we're adding to that a baby who will most likely cry like mad until I nurse her...luckily I'll have a lot of help the first couple of weeks!

Isaeph May 12th, 2010 03:42 PM

Re: Worried about an older child?
I didn't really worry much about ds1 when I was pg with dd. I had prayed SO much that I'd labor while he was asleep that I believed wholeheartedly that it would happen, and it did. We woke him up a few minutes after she was born. And after the first few days he really didn't pay much attention to her until she started getting into his toys. :lol: Now they're best friends and so cute!

I didn't really worry about dd with ds2 either. She did great during the hard part of labor, much to my surprise. I'd hoped she'd be asleep, but I didn't really ask God for it, and it was daytime when he was born. She did take a nap while labor was getting really hard before dh got home from work, so that was a relief. She did great with him after birth and hasn't ever really been jealous. None of the "middle child" stuff with her.

Ds2 I AM worried about. He'll be 11mo younger than ds1 was, and 4mo younger than dd was, and those months I think are going to make a difference. Plus, he gets REALLY upset when either of the big kids sit on my lap, or sometimes even when Daddy hugs me. He MUST be the center of Mommy's attention, or else! :lol: So I AM praying that he'll be asleep. Ds1 has decided he wants to be awake but in the other room for the birth, and dd wants to be RIGHT there for it. :lol: So I guess that's where we're at. I am really worried about how ds2 will react to not being the baby anymore, but I do babywear nearly constantly, so the baby is going to continue to be more of a bump in my lap than anything for the first few months after birth. By the time s/he is 6mo and starting to play a lot, I think ds2 will be old enough to be ok with it.

I don't know if it HAS helped, but I like to think that continued nursing during the pregnancy and after has maintained a special time for the older sibling and helped with the transition. Dd's last day to nurse is tomorrow, but the one time a day she nurses is the one time a day that ds2 LIKES to have her near me because they tandem and he just feels SO special. :lol: Not sure how he'll feel when he's the older one getting the privilege (rather than the right) of nursing. :lol:

Twinkle May 12th, 2010 06:38 PM

Re: Worried about an older child?
With my last homebirth, I was in early labor during the day but the girls were pretty unaware... hard labor started after they were in bed, and Kate was born around 2am. The girls slept through the whole thing.

This time, I am not too worried about my older two girls... Lily will be 6 in July and Julia will be 4 in July. I think they will be okay... if things become too much for them, I know they will separate themselves from whats going on... they can say that they want to leave or go somewhere else...

I am worried about Kate though, she's 2 now. She is pretty clingy to me, and I'm kind of worried how she will react to the birth. Part of me is kinda hoping and praying I deliver at night again... but then part of me wants to have the baby in the early evening, so that afterwards everyone can get some rest. That was one of the downfalls of Kate being born at 2am... by the time we got all cleaned up and settled, it was 5am and then Julia woke up at 6am for the day. It made for a long day....

bre4thewin May 12th, 2010 07:37 PM

Re: Worried about an older child?
Im defiantly worried. My daughter is a mom only kinda gal..dh was away with the army a lot, and im the one to put her to sleep and comfort and everything! I know she will be older when the baby comes, and we have started the weaning process which will help with other people being able to put her to sleep. im worried about her distracting me during labor...during my last i really needed everything to be very quiet so i could concentrate and im worried that i will be worried about her. toying with the idea of my mom taking her to a hotel while the baby is being born...wdyt?

BobbityBoo May 13th, 2010 10:13 AM

Re: Worried about an older child?

Originally Posted by bre4thewin (Post 20164438)
toying with the idea of my mom taking her to a hotel while the baby is being born...wdyt?

That's kind of my plan. As long as this baby stays in until my mom gets here on the 21st (my edd is the 25th) she will kind of hang out with the kids in the other room but if they want to leave or I need them to leave then she will go to the park or if it's at night to her hotel. If the baby comes early then I will have my MIL take the kids. That is if it's during the day and they need to be taken out. If it's at night then we will just let it be. I don't want my MIL to be there for the birth... she is just too antsy for me... plus that wouldn't be good for the kids anyway if she's antsy during the labor.

After the birth, I am kind of nervous about my DS who is 2.5yo. But he is in a "daddy" phase. So I am hoping that helps him through the transition. My DD is 8, so she is nothing but excited. It won't be a problem for her until this baby gets old enough to bug her! :D If DS is having some issues then we will deal with it then. But so far he is really quite cute about the baby. He always lifts my shift and gives Baby Kate a kiss goodnight or includes her when talking about the family. I am not convinced he really understands how she is going to change his world but so far so good!

HappyHippy May 13th, 2010 10:42 AM

Re: Worried about an older child?
I was a little worried about Hunter, but now that his brother is here, I realized I didn't need to be worried. The first few days he wasn't too sure about the baby, he didn't want to touch him or anything. He basically ignored the baby. But then when Liev was about 2 weeks old Hunter came up to me and said "I hold it" and he wanted to hold the baby. Every couple of days he'll ask to hold the baby, and Hunter is his normal self.

flitabout May 13th, 2010 11:43 AM

Re: Worried about an older child?
Honestly I hadn't but a whole lot of thought into it. My 7 year old is happy to be getting a brother, and my 4 year old just wants to watch. But the 2 year old would just be mad because it's her daddy and everybody else can kiss her butt! She does worry me a bit she got mad at the computer screen, which was a picture of Daddy kissing her at like 9 months old. She actually hit the screen!

laisydaisymama May 15th, 2010 07:41 AM

Re: Worried about an older child?
I'm not worried about my boys at all, they are 6 and 7. Claire......Claire is going to be about 21 months, maybe 22 and very much a mama's girl. I am mostly concerned with how she is going to react to me nursing. I have preterm issues and am not able to nurse during pregnancy, so we weaned at 17 months old, around 15 weeks pregnant. She isn't old enough to explain it to ahead of time, and she still wants it. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with starting nursing again 5 months after stopping, so odds are it's just going to be "mama's milk is for the baby" and she's not going to like that.

GranolaMamaOf3 May 15th, 2010 08:24 PM

Re: Worried about an older child?
I worry most about how BE will handle me being in labor...He will only be 17/18months old, and he is very attached, and does NOT like me out of his sight! (He gets VERY upset!) He is also very protective, and even slightly possessive of me...We take him with us to our Birth Class, and when it's time for relaxation (me laying on the floor) he either gets worried, or tries to get me to play with him...the instructor (a friend of mine) tried to take him in the other room (where he had been playing happily with her kids before they went to bed) so DH could focus on me, but that did NOT go over well, and he ended up back in with us...Hopefully being in our own home, it will be different, and he will just go about his day as normal, playing and such...but even then "normal" is having mommy's undivided attention whenever he wants it! Hmmm...not sure what to think...or how to plan!

I'm hoping my mom and sisters will be here, and they will be able to help. But if they don't make it in time (driving in from several states away, and didn't make it last time, due to me going early), I will have my BFF on call to take him if need be. I just don't like the idea of him being "sent away", and then coming home to a new baby! I don't want him to feel replaced!

Anyway...I'm not overly concerned about him reacting to the new baby once s/he is here...he has a doll right now, and is very loving with it. I think he will be the "protective big brother" ;)

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