JustMommies Message Boards

JustMommies Message Boards (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/)
-   Home Birth (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/)
-   -   Other children- fixed (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/765452-other-children-fixed.html)

wifey2kevin October 13th, 2007 03:39 PM

i don't see your post....try again! :-D

ragmama October 14th, 2007 09:53 PM

I couldn't see it either - I hope you'll come back and re-post! :smile:

Twinkle October 15th, 2007 08:31 AM

oh man, I didn't realize it didn't go through, thats a bummer. LOL

Basically I was asking about whether or not your children were present (or in the house) during your homebirth. I'm concerned about having my two little ones there, Lily will be almost 4 and Julia will be 21 months. I do want them there, but I also don't want to feel like I have to take care of them while I labor, KWIM?

A bit of background, when I was in labor with Julia, whenever I was around Lily and taking care of her, my labor would stall and my contractions would go away, its like my body knew that I couldn't concentrate and put effort into being in labor while I made her lunch or played with her, or put her to bed. It was weird, and I'm not sure if anyone else would really understand.

I want my children there because I'd hate for them to leave and then come back and find mommy with a baby, I also don't want visitors right after, and I know that someone bringing my kids back to me, would mean unwanted visitors after the birth.

So I guess I'm just asking whether or not you would plan on having your small toddlers present at the birth, or whatnot.

wifey2kevin October 15th, 2007 10:14 AM

kaylynn will be 17 months old when this baby is born and she will be there. but my mom and dad will be there to watch her. she can come in and out as she wants. if she becomes a distraction during labor, then my dad will entertain her and let me do what i need to do. (i hope that didn't sound mean) i think preparing them for sounds and such that they might hear is a good idea. when my mom had her last baby, the youngest was only 2.....my mom would tell her about where the baby comes out and what kinds of sounds that mommy makes when she is pushing the baby out. charlee(my little sis) was a pro by the time the baby came. we would ask her how mom would sound when she pushed the baby out and she would make a maoning sounds and giggle! lol! anywho, i think they would be ok with the right preparation. hth some.

ShawnaCAN October 15th, 2007 10:52 AM

In the past, we've shipped our kids out to their grandparents when I've gone into labour. I really need DH's support, and if they were home he would have to attend to them instead. I would have a really difficult time concentrating/relaxing if they were around. I would find it very distracting, and I'm also not entirely convinced it would be good for them to see me screaming in pain anyway.

Twinkle October 15th, 2007 11:00 AM

I totally see both sides to this. I would want my DH's support and his full attention as well, at least I think I would. And I know that with the girls being there, then they will demand some sort of attention. I'm just so torn on the idea. Thank you both for sharing your experiences and plans. I know I have a while left to go, but its just something that has been on my mind.

LaLa October 15th, 2007 11:17 AM

Well my situation may be slightly different b/c my son was 7 yrs old. But I also had a 3 yr old step son that we knew it was possible that I might go into labor while he was with us visiting.

We had a cousin "on call" to come & tend to my son (or the boys) while i was in labor. That meant shed either tend to them at home or take them out if need be. When we decided it woudl be my cousin our requirrements were they be able to 1) drive in case things got long, stalled out, or hectic 2) was comfortable explaining things if necessary, and in an age appropriate way 3) keep him entertained & out of the way.

It worked out well. My labor puttered in the daytime, stallign out as I tended to my son & got him ready for bed. I knew it was "labor" but come night time we gave him the option of just going on to bed. He went to bed & Things quickly picked up. We called my cousin anyways, b/c you just never know. Finally - just about the time i started pushing, my doula & cousin went to wake up my son.

I was much like you - wanted him/them there, didnt want to send them off & they come home to me & a baby, but I didnt want to have to worry about explaining things, or being self conscious about it all.

I do remember vividly when he woke up & came downstairs though. I was laborinmg pretty hard, just started pushing, and things were INTENSE. I was so focused I didnt have a CLUE what was going on. BUt I KNEW I wanted my son there when I had the baby. I knew in the back of my mind that SOMEONE was geting him but couldnt really tell who was and wasnt in the room.

When he came in I didnt notice until he was literallY RIGHT in front of me, and trying to get to the other side to see where the baby was coming. I remember time STOPPING, literally almost, and looking up and the only thing on my mind was wanting to let him know that I was ok. I didnt like the thought of him walking in at the most intense time, not seeing the "build up". So i looked up and said "Mommys ok - how are you? Are you ok?" He assured me he was fine, had a big grin as he rubbed his sleepy eyes, and he took a seat by me to watch the baby come out. After that, it was all good. Hed watched lots of videos of babies being born - loud ones, quiet ones, and I was confident that he wouldnt be surprised by the sounds, although it might be concerning that it was HIS mommy. My DH was able to focus just on me, and everyone else tended to my son (excpet the midwife of course) lol. they talked him through it quite well - i can remember them telling him and thinking "thank god!" b/c it was helping me too ("Here comes the head, see her face?") lol.


ShawnaCAN October 15th, 2007 11:42 AM

Ok, I have to say it. Every time I see the title of this thread, I want to respond with.....

"No, we will not be getting our other children fixed."


Twinkle October 15th, 2007 11:58 AM

hahaaha I didn't even realize until today that my original post wasn't even here. And here I've been thinking that you all have been ignoring my thread. LOL

LaLa, my labor with Julia kept puttering out whenever I tended to Lily... it wasn't until she was in bed that I thought that it was really "the real thing".

I will have to think long and hard about having someone on call for the girls. I'm definitely leaning more towards someone coming here to take care of them and if need be taking them out... but who knows, I'll probably go back and forth with this a million more times.

Motherbird October 15th, 2007 12:34 PM

For this last birth, we had all four kids here in the house with us. I had planned ahead of time to have my good friend here to watch them. She brought her 4 yr old too. They all stayed downstairs while I labored upstairs and I hardly even knew they were here. They watched movies and my friend made "baby bread" with them, which they presented to me right after the birth and we all had a nice time celebrating and eating homemade bread.

My husband had them come up as soon as the baby was born. I thought I would have liked them there for the pushing so they could see the actual birth, but now I'm glad they didn't see that part. I was very quiet and relaxed throughout the whole labor, but got quite loud for the last 10 minutes of pushing. Luckily, they didn't hear a thing.

I'm very glad they were here though so we could all be together right away. I recommend it if you can get someone to take care of them so that you and your husband can concentrate on labor.

JerseyJess October 15th, 2007 01:03 PM

Last time my older children just happened to be at a sleepover around the block. My 3yo slept through it all (I labored from 2:45am-6:45am), after he was born we woke her and called for our other children.

This time I'm having my mom and my bestfriend entertain my other kids (ages 3, 7, 10, & 12) but I also recognize that everyone might be asleep again-if that's the case I'd still like to have them there just in case. I think my 7yo daughter is going to want to SEE the birth (she's very curious about it all) and I'm not sure how I feel about that as I'm REALLY modest during labor/birth.

Ever think of hiring a doula (or someone else-maybe your midwives have assistant they know who'd be up to it)to come watch your younger child? I know this sounds odd but I was once hired to do just that. A woman planning a homebirth for her 2nd child called me and asked if I would come care for her son during her labor. I came and met with him and we hit it off. Well, when she went into labor it was 2am but her son woke right up-he wanted to be able to "see" Mommy at all times-so we sat across the room where I quietly read him books (like over 20 in all!) Mom was lounging on the couch listening to hypnosis scripts. She wanted him to witness the birth IF he wanted to. She gave birth standing and after baby's head was born, he got really worried and so I took him into the other room until we heard baby cry. He wasn't "ready" to see his new sister or mom for about an hour after that-so instead I fed him breakfast, played in his bedroom with him, etc...until he was ready to go cuddle with mom. Then we took a few pictures and I left.

Worked out well.

jhmomofmany October 15th, 2007 02:03 PM

We didn't have any idea what we were going to do about the children. Thankfully labor and delivery happened (literally) overnight. :smile:

Alison79 October 15th, 2007 06:24 PM

That was something I really worried about during my pregnancy. We recently relocated and I didn't have anyone local who could watch my children. My Mom was planning to come for the birth, but I knew it was still a possibility that she might miss it. Our plan was that my husband would attend to the kids and I would have my midwife and her assistant to help me if my Mom wasn't there. As it turned out, my labor was from 9pm to 8:30am and my Mom was here so we had all bases covered. I think it would be great if you can find someone to come to the house and be with them. For me, my husband was such a huge support during labor that if he hadn't been there by my side at all times after I hit the later stages it would have been so much more difficult.

4boys October 15th, 2007 07:35 PM

My kids are gonna go to the neighbours' (who are DH's brother and wife). They are their regular babysitters and they live on the same yard as us so DH can just walk them over when it's time to go. I think after the birth he can go get them (depending on what time of day or night it is) and they can come meet their new brother, then I will probably get my parents to come and take them home for "holidays" so that DH and I can be with the new one for a few days and adjust. I am a little concerned that I will make too much noise and I don't want to freak them out. Our house isn't very sound proof and my 3 year old is especially sensitive. So they don't need to witness all of that stuff!

LaLa October 16th, 2007 10:21 AM

Im a plan A, B, AND C type of person, so I liked having all my options open with someone there just for the kids, and a lot of doulas will do just that too :)

But for us - it was nice knowing that not only could *I* request my son there, or have him sent off if I needed the privacy, but he had the option of hightailing it out of there, or coming and peeking in to check on me for his own peace of mind. And if things got too heavy for him - there would be someone for that too.

And - in the unlikely event of a transport, he would be taken care of then as well, and have someone around to explain to him in an age appropriate way what was going on and reassure him that I was going to be ok.


ragmama October 16th, 2007 11:27 AM

I struggled with this decision myself - Rachael will be just a few months shy of four when this baby comes, and I think she'd *probably* be okay if she were home with us - with a little explaining beforehand, of course. On the other hand, she's a very sensitive girl and I can't help feeling like her seeing me in pain (or her perceiving it as worse than it is, maybe) wouldn't be a good thing for her.

And on a more selfish note...my little girl talks NON-STOP. I swear, she never takes a breath from the minute she wakes up till the minute she goes back to sleep. I have so very little patience with the incessant chatter sometimes already, that I just know it would drive me absolutely crazy during labor.

The way our house is laid out, there really isn't anywhere that someone could come and stay with her and still allow me to move through the house without being noticed so much...so we've asked the in-laws to come and get her when things start picking up. Of course, that leads to this:


I also don't want visitors right after, and I know that someone bringing my kids back to me, would mean unwanted visitors after the birth.[/b]
I feel the EXACT same way, and my only issue with our decision is that it means they'll be here to bring Rachael home very shortly after Amelia arrives. So will my mom. *sigh* But, I'm just going to have to deal with those - and I fully intend to be IN bed, and IN my pajamas, so hopefully they'll either take the hint, or DH and/or the midwives will run them off pretty quickly.

It's such a personal decision - so many things to influence it - and I really don't think there's a right or wrong way to go on this one. Whatever works best for you and your kids is the way to go! :smile:

Twinkle October 16th, 2007 01:37 PM

your Rachael sounds very much like Lily... she'll be just a couple months shy of 4 as well and does not stop talking from the time she wakes up until the time she goes to bed. I really don't know how much patience I'd have for it during labor.

christian_momof8 October 23rd, 2007 12:54 AM

All my older kids were at each birth.
Even for my 2nd child I had in the hosp. I had a friend come and hold my 3 yr. 8m. daughter. I also didn't want her to be gone and then magically her brother appeared. She stayed for the birth kissed her baby brother and was ready to go play after that.
With the next 6 births being homebirths they were always right there. With a couple we even had to wake them up because they had told us they didn't want to miss it and I didn't want them too either. It is amazing how children respond when you are open and you tell them exactly what is going on. They were always so quiet. I remember I would be sitting on the couch and having a contraction, I would take a peek at them sometimes and they would be barely whispering to each other or just staring at me. I felt so at ease with them around. Plus there was always someone to run and get me more grape cubes. Yes, I couldn't have made it through without them. I froze grape juice in small bite size ice cube trays and sucked and ate them during labor.
One precious moment I remember is with our last one I was losing energy and was having a hard time pushing. I was in the tub and all the kids were around. My DH asked what they could do? I told them to pray that I have the strength to push our baby out. They had a still shot camera there and one of the older ones saw my then 5 year old, he was sitting on a stool and had his forehead resting on the wall praying. It was a bonding time for everyone.
Whatever makes the birthing mother the most comfortable it what should be!!
Good Luck to all the expectant mommies!!!!!!

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:21 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright © 2003-2012 JustMommies.com, All Rights Reserved.