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.Brandi. July 14th, 2010 06:26 PM

Advice Please
On July 3rd, we went to my parents house for my uncle's birthday and the subject of Edward and schooling came up. And I told them that we were planning to homeschool. My mother's immediate response was "How would you have liked it if we alienated you from the world?" My reply "Well, living in a different city from where I went to school pretty much alienated me from other people my own age." My mother's response to that, "And how did that make you feel?" :rollseyes:

So my dad says "Well, Edward is a bright star, he needs to shine and the only way for him to shine is to go to public school." My reply "Actually, Dad, I disagree because he'll be in there with other 'bright stars' and if he's home with me, he'll have the opportunity to shine brighter than he will in school." My dad's response to that, "Well, if you decided to homeschool him later, you can always pull him out and homeschool." So to end the conversation, I simply said I would think about it.

So last Saturday, we went over to my parent's house again and my dad looked at me and said "Did you register Edward for school yet?" And I said "No, because we have decided to homeschool." And my dad's response "I don't think you can." And I said "I've done all the research, to be a homeschooling parent, you don't need any certifications, only a tutor needs to be certified." And then they go on and on about how I have enough stress in my life and that there is NO POSSIBLE way I can homeschool Edward with a toddler and a newborn home with me...my focus will just not be 100%...So I told them about a homeschooling program that I found that is through the school district and supported by the teachers and that we would meet with a teacher once a week for his evaluation (or once a month, I can't remember) and he'll still be able to participate in the school activities such as dances, sports and the like. And my parents both immediately shot that down saying that I'm just incapable of doing this myself. That homeschooling is more expensive and if I need help with the financial part of public school that they're willing to help me. I don't really know what to do now. They expect me to put him in public school to "get his solid foundation" as my dad put it! I think it would make more sense to homeschool him for the foundation and then later if he wanted to go to public school, he can because he'll have MY solid foundation! It seems nothing I come up with (even fact!) will give them any way of seeing how this is really what is best for Edward. They basically told me that I'm not doing what is best for him and I'm not thinking of him in the long run and that I'm only going to turn him into some rebellious hellian!!!! UGH!!! I don't know what to do!

*~Amber~* July 14th, 2010 07:21 PM

Re: Advice Please
We are dealing with the same opposition from DH's parents. We are basically just doing what we feel is best, and saying a big fat screw 'em. DH's dad basically told us we were ruining the kids (and he said it in front of the kids). We feel this is best for us and we are not caring what they think.

BensMom July 14th, 2010 08:45 PM

Re: Advice Please
It's tough, but you have to stand your ground. You're no longer under their rules, and if they continue to butt in, you'll have to flat-out tell them to stop talking about school or stop talking to you altogether. These are YOUR children, not theirs. The only way they're going to come around is to see results. Never EVER complain or question yourself in front of them. That's what this board is for. You'll have bad days and even bad weeks, but you can come here to talk to people who've BTDT and can help you. Don't show weakness, because they'll use it to get under your skin. Brag every chance you get. Talk about friendships every chance you get. Show just how well-rounded his foundation is every chance you get. When he's physically with them, have him bring along an art project or writing sample to personally hand them with the big "look what I did, grandma!!!" look on his face. They might tear you apart, but with that kind of response, they're not going to tear him apart. They may try to convince him that he's really missing out, but if you prepare him for that conversation, it's not going to work out for them and may even backfire on them. When you're doing something fun, say "I'm so glad you're not in PS, because they don't get to do this". When you're doing something not so fun, say, "Well, it could be worse... if you were in PS, you'd also have to do this and this, but I'm not going to make you do it if you prove to me you already know how." (There's a TON of repetition and busy work in PS that isn't necessary in HS.)

Just stand your ground. People don't like confidence, so eventually it'll either make them re-think their position or shut up entirely.

Miguels mommy July 14th, 2010 10:44 PM

Re: Advice Please
We got that from both sides of the family. I did register him as a home-schooler at five and told them if it doesn't work out then he hasn't missed anything because he doesn't have to register until 6. Honestly the cost of homeschooling is far less then my friends seem to pay for their public school kids. However I pay up front they get nickled and dimed to death. School lunch alone costs over $300. My sister spends $1000 a year per kid not including lunch. My parents gave me less of a hard time after his test scores came in. With DH's family nothing was said after Miguel was able to visit in the middle of the school year and he was still able to do his work. There not all extremely happy with my choice but they have excepted it and really that's all I can as.

mommyof2princesses July 15th, 2010 07:04 AM

Re: Advice Please
I am so sorry your parents are being so hard on you. If my parents' reaction was as strong, I would have been more certain in my decision to homeschool. I was always a rebel:D. Your parents raised you and they know they did a great job, they will come around. My parents weren't sure about it because of the whole social thing. It took only weeks before they were on board! They saw the attitude change in my oldest daughter and how well both girls were doing.

Do what YOU feel is best for you children. Hopefully your parents can continue a healthy relationship with your family.

Good luck!

Motherbird July 15th, 2010 01:03 PM

Re: Advice Please
They say all this because they're worried and afraid and probably dont' have much experience with the concept of homeschooling. But he is your child, not theirs. I would absolutely not let them sway you. In fact, avoid the conversation all together. Tell them you're not going to discuss it if they aren't able to be supportive.

I think many of us have faced similar opposition. But eventually most grandparents come around because they see that the child is doing well and learning. If they can see that he has a one or two good friends and is participating in a club or sport or something, even better. They may never fully support the idea, but hopefully they will eventually stop thinking that you are ruining his life.

mommytutu July 15th, 2010 05:00 PM

Re: Advice Please
We got the same thing from my family and I just had to put my foot down. I told them to mind their own business and BUTT OUT! It sorta worked. At the very least the figured out if the push me too far then I will not make it a pleasant experience for them. :P

I'm sorry you are dealing with such negative responses. Do what YOU feel is best for YOUR kids and don't pay any mind to what other people have to say. :)

in_mommy July 17th, 2010 11:42 AM

Re: Advice Please
That is the same thing I got from my parents. They were totally opposed me pulling Whit from school and even offered to pay for her to go as well. They continued to make comments from time to time, but since they have dropped it. I am sure they know we are going to continue to HS now that we have moved away from them, but it really doesn't matter what they think or feel about it, they are entitled to their opinion, and it is just that their opinion. I am not going to do what they want just because they are my parents. I am going to do what is best for my kids. If down the road I feel they would be better off in PS, then that will be our decision not their influence. I know it is hard to not listen to them because they are your parents and your supposed to listen to them, but your the parent now and you have to do what is best for your child.

JustAKrazymom July 18th, 2010 09:50 AM

Re: Advice Please
We got that at first too. My MIL went behind my back and offered to pay for private school for the 3 youngest. She thought I was forcing my husband into homeschooling so she waited til I wasn't home..she didn't know he had made the final decision to HS. She has never ONCE acknowledged their schoolwork yet we hear all the time about my nieces... makes me sick. BUT I refuse to let her tell us what to do..same with my mother..our schooling choices are not up for discussion. We went thru this from birth though.. first with the unmedicated birth, then cloth diapers and breastfeeding..we've alway done things a little different so they've always felt they can opening disagree. I've kept the kids away , and out and out left their homes because of things they've said. Both have finally gotten the message. You don't have to agree but you do have to keep your mouth shut!

Sandra314 July 18th, 2010 12:48 PM

Re: Advice Please
When we began our hoemschooling journey, I had only two supporters.. my husband and my older sister "D: who has been homeschooling her six children for over 20 years.

My mother questioned our decision many times because she believed the public school system was more equipped to teach a child with Autism and other medical conditions. I responded "who knows more about my child than me."

I knew more about my son's autism, his sensory intergration disorder and other medcial concerns how they had played into his learning disabilities. Who better to tailor his education to his needs than have him fit in a "cube" to fit to the public education's standards. Standardized testing does not take in conderation the special needs student. They learn differently, see things differently and no test on paper can measure that.

My advice is stick to your decision to homeschool no matter what. You are your children's mother and no one knows your children better than you. Your parents raised you, they are not raising your children.

When I tried in vain to show my mother why I thought it was beneficial to homeschool my sons, she never understood. It took my sons to show her. They showed her when they shared with her what they were learning with our nature studies, when they showed her crafts they made and when she saw the brightness in their faces tellling her how much they loved homeschooling.

Now my mother and sisters are avid readers of our homeschooling blog. My three sisters believe that we made the best decision for our family. Sometimes my Mom still thinks this is a temporary thing but I laugh and tell her mom "after seven years of homeschooling, It is here to stay..."

I wish you the best and hope in time your parents will see in your children what you see in them....

KeriMomof2 July 19th, 2010 11:27 AM

Re: Advice Please
ugghhh:rolleyes: Gotta love the people who think they know better the you "mom" .....I am sure "family" means well but honestly its not any of their business.
When I first chose to home-school i had a few questions,comments and well meaning remarks like you have had...
What I did was Not let that sway my much thought out and research decision.
For some especially older people they are set in their ways...There is No making them understand...
My advice is to tell them that this is YOUR child not theirs..and as you appreciate their concern ,That you will be doing what you and your hubby ect wants END of discussion!
and if they really want to help they can try supporting you ..because their negativity is only hurting their grand son and you...

I know this may be hard to do..especially if you still feel like a grown child when your around your parents (no offense meant)
but at some point even if it feels disrespectful you have to stand up for your self as a Parent of your own child ..kwim

This is what I had to do because my MOM thought she was 2nd momma and she could make "parenting" choices for my child.....i quickly let her know her place and ever since we all have been happy :)
I hope this helps...

Good Luck with everything and keep us updated!

JenniferinFL July 26th, 2010 02:03 AM

Re: Advice Please
I just thought I would add something..
Hubby and I are expecting our first child and we have no doubt we will be homeschooling.

My mom decided to homeschool all 5 of us. I'm the oldest of 5 siblings and went all the way through high school in home school.

None of us are poorly adjusted socially. We're all different in terms of how well we did in school, we all have different things we're good at. What I loved about home school was being done by noon.. lol
Not only that, but the curriculum covered the basics and then whatever you were most interested in. We baked, we canned vegetables, we grew our own garden, we learned sewing and crochet.
I finished high school at 15. My average on the year end FCATS were always 97%-99%.

I started college at the local community college as soon as I turned 16. I had a straight 4.0 in college. Well, right up until Microbiology! Then I dropped to a 3.89..

There will always be people in your child's life that will try to imply that they are getting less of an education at home then what is possible in public school.

Back when we first got married, my husband didn't like the idea of homeschooling. He had always considered homeschooled kids to be poorly adjusted dorks. But, thanks to social networking sites like Facebook, he's reconnected with a lot of people he knew growing up and has changed his mind on homeschooling. The ones who were homeschooled have hobbies and interests outside the norm, they aren't afraid of pursuing what they love even if it's not popular.
On the contrary, most of the people he knows from public school have a very narrow interest focus. Of course, there are exceptions, just not many from his public school experience.

I think the best thing about homeschooling, is that you learn to teach yourself. If you've been homeschooled, you tend to be an independent learner. In college, I studied for my classes and knew the material before the lecture. I also love learning just for the fun of learning, even if it's information I'll never use.

We're already beginning to stock up on supplies. Something I always wanted was a real microscope, not one of those kid ones that you can't see anything with. We're saving for one of those. I took 15 years of piano lessons while growing up and we plan on replacing my piano so our child can start piano lessons as soon as he's ready.

Sorry if I've rambled, but, homeschooling is a subject that is very close to me.

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