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ilovemy3wikids November 9th, 2006 11:30 AM

I need a new life!

I feel like the worst mom ever right now. Things have been so crazy here. My dad is living with us ( he has the basement made up as a place to live) and is driving me crazy! He keeps turning the heat way down which makes the kids sick and is totally stealing my homeschooling. He is teaching her anything he wants and is skipping all over with history and such. I am so mad, cause he never asks he just does. I ordered SOTW for next year cause I want her to learn things in order and he's like I'll do what I want cause I pay the rent. I try talking to him about it and he just throws a fit and says he can do it or he'll stop paying the rent and he knows we can't afford this place alone. We are prob moving over the summer but snow is coming and we don't have any money saved up to move now. He comes home from work at 5 am and makes my dd sit and do school with him till 9 :( By the time he is done she doesn't feel like doing math or phonics both I got from Saxon or her reading work. He actually belives science and social studies is more important than math and phonics and reading! I am going out of my mind. It's been 4 days since she has done any work with me. I know she's only 5 but she used to like math and reading and now she says she doesn't have to learn them cause grandpa says it's not important :( We only had him move in with us cause my dh had lost his job at the time. Now he has a new one that is way better but still. I know if we lived here another year we could get ahead alot finacially but mentally I just can't take it! I am going crazy. I feel like he is trying to take controll of MY kids. IT sucks and I am getting so depressed from it. He even tells me I can't have more kids or he will dis own me cause I was an only child and I don't need so many kids. He tells me that I am nothing basically because my cousin has a degree and a huge house and blah blah blah and I don't cause I had my dd at 18. So I am nothing cause I am in a duplex instead of a house cause I had a baby young and choose to be a SAHM. I am just so lost right now :closedeyes: Sorry this is so long :(

MissyPrincessEha November 9th, 2006 11:45 AM

Oh sweetheart! It is okay! I was young too when I had a baby. But babies aren't just accidents...they come to us when they are supposed to. Believe me. They are well planned for! :) And you are so amazing and so important! You are rearing kids that will have so much emotionally and physically. Degree's are not what they are cracked up to be. Yea...you may make more money...but unless you enjoy the rat race and never seeing your young family then it isn't all that.

I come from a poor family with lots of abuse issues in my past. And I felt like crap forever! I was either too much or not enough. And you know what I was perfect! I was and am just who I should be!!!

If you wake up each morning and follow your heart then you will be okay. You are worth more than jewels and gold. You are a wife and a mother! You see the importance of giving your children what they need. And your life satisfies that.

I mean, we are blessed to live where we live. To have what we have. There are people in this world who are homeless, ill, and live in conditions you wouldn't believe! You and your family are blessed through and through!

Heck! We live in an old townhouse that I HATE! But you know it is my home and it keeps us warm and cool, dry and happy. I don't have a lot of stuff. Not what many would consider I need. But why do I need it? My main goal is to school my kids, care for them well, and to finish up school for myself. The people that really love me don't look at my furnishings or my wealth. They look at me! The woman who is enough and just perfect as she is!

He sounds old and bitter. And probably hates his situation and by putting you down he can make it your fault things are the way they are. Try to see him with those eyes. And tell him that YOU are the mom and the teacher. And things will change.

Hugs girl! There is an end to what you are going through. There always is...

LuckyGirlx4 November 9th, 2006 11:46 AM

I'm missing a big piece of this story.
Why are you giving your father so much control over you and your children? I don't understand this at all.

joandsarah77 November 9th, 2006 02:58 PM

I am so sorry hon, what an awful situation. I would be doing whatever I could to change that situation pronto. he may be your father but he is totaly disrespecting you! Sorry that dosn't fly in my book. I would either kick him out or move. I would also lay down the law on him even seeing his grandchildren. Such as if he wants to see them, then there will be no disrespect shown to you, and if there is you will leaave with them emediatly. You said your dh has a new job, so I'de use that money to pay your own rent even if it means not having that extra to save. It's just not worth it.

KarateMom November 9th, 2006 03:47 PM

OMGoodness, my blood pressure just went through the roof!!!!!

WHY on EARTH would he start school with her at 5 a.m.?!?

WHY ON EARTH would he make her do school for 4 HOURS!?!?! IT'S KINDERGARTEN, for crying out loud!!!! FOUR HOURS IS TOO LONG!

I'm afraid that he would be relieved of any teaching responsibilities whatsoever. YOU are her parent, YOU are in charge of what she learns. NOT HIM, despite his pathetic threats and put downs.

HE IS BULLYING YOU. Don't put up with it for one more second, HE DOES NOT HAVE THAT RIGHT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. I don't care if he pays rent.

Oh my, I want to jump through my computer and punch him...and I'm not even a violent person!!!http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e3...ons/blowup.gif

What does your husband have to say about all this?

Jenneve November 11th, 2006 08:21 AM

Oh my! Am I reading this right? He makes her get up at 5am to do school?? That's just way too early for a kid her age to be getting up.
I don't know your personal history with your dad, but he really sounds like a controlling person. I'm so sorry he's doing this to you AND your dd. By taking over and disrespecting you, he's teaching your dd to disrespect you, too. It seems to me that he *knows* he has something to hold over you (paying rent) and by that can have the control. I know it's alot easier said than done, but you (or your dh if you just can't) need to take that control away from him! Whether he stays and pays rent, or goes, or you & your family go, something has to change. He needs to realize that he no longer has that hold over you. You are a grown woman with a family of YOUR OWN. It's not his place to take over your dd's schooling or anything else in YOUR home. He needs to realize that.
Big hugs to you. I know it can't be easy. And I just want to add, that Chelita made a very good statement! Well said!

ilovemy3wikids November 11th, 2006 08:21 PM

Thanks so much everyone. I sat him down today and showed him a place we found that we can afford without him and said that if he wants us to stay that things have to change and he actually respected that and has been nice all day :cheer:

KarateMom November 12th, 2006 06:52 AM


Thanks so much everyone. I sat him down today and showed him a place we found that we can afford without him and said that if he wants us to stay that things have to change and he actually respected that and has been nice all day :cheer:[/b]
AWESOME!!! You have been on my mind so much and I'm so glad that you were able to confront him! How did he take it?

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