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-   -   Maybe I'm nitpicking... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f280-inlaws/1050031-maybe-i-m-nitpicking.html)

hiskid1324 May 4th, 2008 03:02 PM

They are driving me INSANE.

SIL is SUPPOSED to be paying me to look after her kids, but the only time I gt money is when I threaten not to look after them until she pays, and then she gets her mom and dad to pay me instead, and we get a lecture on how SIL has fallen on hard times and how we should give her a break. Um, I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure that $75/week per child is quite a bit of a break compared to the going rate, and regardless, she would HAVE to pay someone else anyway. So yeah. Thanks for the lecture, but no thanks. SIL also fails to bring things we request such as full changes of clothing for the kids (resulting in no changes of clothes for her children if they have an accident) and fails to inform us as to what is going on in the afternoon/evening and so we sit around waiting to find out instead of being able to go do whatever we want. Oh, and let's not forget her latest comment, that now that I'm pregnant my bust (a B ) is going to grow so big that I'll be knocking people over every time I turn around... but her bust is a D, and apparently she doesn't think she does???? Why in the WORLD would *I* therefore be knocking people over???

MIL is failing to enforce rules at my house, which is a major problem, because SIL's kids are here for care all the time. If they're going to be here, the rules are going to HAVE to be followed. They're a part of the household, not visitors. So when my nephew fails to remove his shoes, MIL just stands at the door instead of getting him and bringing him back to the door to take his shoes off. She doesn't stop them from doing things that are completely off limits (for a reason) outdoors here, and she treats them like they are 2 and 3 instead of 4 and 6 but we insist that they act their age which means they must do quite a bit for themselves here. Unfortunately MIL picks the kids up regularly, and DH won't let me keep her on the door step, no matter how much I'd like to.

FIL.... oh, he's great. He keeps saying how I'm HIS child. Last night he made some stupid comment about how "his children" (DH and I) sat in our vehicle outside even though he had asked us to come in, and how we were not obeying him. Uhhmmmm we're ADULTS, and DON'T HAVE TO OBEY! I *really* blew up at him over that comment, and I think he's now afraid to talk to me... it's the first time their family has seen just how mad I can get, because I've been biting my tongue every time anything came up. I'd sent them an email about some things I really felt needed to be addressed, for the good of the KIDS, not just my whims or whatever, and he supposedly wanted to talk about the email, but instead went into this lecture on how email isn't the way to address any issue with a person, and then how kids go through phases of figuring out the difference between truth and a lie (but that PHASE is not one in which if they are asked a question about something that is OBVIOUSLY one way, and they purposely answer wrongly ie "did you just wet your pants" "no" "then why are your pants wet" "because I was making a joke"). So because FIL is the one who has taught by example that lying "can be funny" (he "teases" by saying stuff like "your plate is yellow" even if it is pink, and then gets all upset when the child gets mad at him for saying it is the wrong colour over and over again). Anyway, because we will continue to punish here for lying, and FIL for some reason doesn't understand that to purposely state something that isn't so is a lie, I suggested that maybe he deserved to have the same punishment that our nephew has selected for lying (making his words clean by use of soap on his tongue... interesting solution, but it's worked most of the time). And he was like "that was a disrespectful comment". Okay, but really, isn't it only fair that if you're going to exhibit the same behaviour as your grandson you get the same punishments?? Or should I not punish the misbehaviours here?? So then he goes on this tangent about how younger people are supposed to respect their elders, and how I was disrespectful, and how our not obeying by coming in when he said to was disrespectful, and I WENT OFF ON HIM. Now I'm not sure I ever even want to see their faces again... :-S

This is so complicated now... I'm really starting to wish I'd held my tongue yet again... *sigh*

Jax May 4th, 2008 03:20 PM

Do you live with your inlaws or something? (just curious as it seems from your post that MIL is around an awful lot).

Either way, it is TOTALLY unfair that they not pay you or provide you with the things the kids need. And the kids should DEFINITELY be following house rules. No question asked.

Around here 75 bucks is kind of expensive for home care. But I know that varies a lot from place to place... and I don't really SEE a reason for a "family discount".. especially when it's someone you don't really like, ykwim? :ph34r:

If it were me, I just wouldn't watch her children. Plain and simple. Seems like waaaay too much potential to do damage to the family, and in the end, that's not worth it. Never mix business with family.

As for the boobage comment.. welcome to being pregnant. You will hear tons of inappropriate comments from people who think they are funny or helpful.. when they're really just way out of line. Try your best to just ignore it.

SamuelsMommy May 4th, 2008 03:29 PM

Hi and welcome! That's awful that they aren't paying you on time! Your rules, your house! I would totally enforce your rules and tell them that they aren't welcome if they can't follow them for the good of the kids! It's confusing, at best, for the rules to only apply sometimes and for only certain people. Adults should never get a pass for bad behavior just because they're an adult. They should behave better! Good luck! If things don't get better I'd be telling them to find daycare elsewhere!

hiskid1324 May 4th, 2008 08:07 PM

From the looking around I've done, the going rate for day care (not private care) is no less than $100 typically around here, and SIL was paying $85-$90/week per kid for the person she'd managed to convince to let her bring her kids... and the person apparently was having the same issue with SIL as I was. Had I known, I wouldn't have agreed to let the kids come in the first place. Anyway, basically it means that she's getting $25/week of a break here, so the whole "I don't have the money" thing doesn't work for me. Oh, plus we are doing kindergarten and grade one, so it's not just they come and do nothing/play all day, they're getting private one-on-one education as well. DH is in full agreement that the money must be paid, and argues tooth and nail to get the money out of her too... the thing is, the situation the kids are in in their other care is not a good one, so we're sort-of trying to help SIL out and give the kids a more stable and happy environment at the same time.

We don't live with the inlaws... I flat out refused to do that. Unfortunately because of the way the prices for houses and things are around here, we're pretty much guaranteed to be living within a twenty minute drive even when we get our own house. Right now we're in an apartment that is ten mins from their house. MIL picks the kids up and drops them off regularly...

SamuelsMommy May 5th, 2008 04:44 PM

You've got a good heart to try to help those kids. Doing business with family is a slippery slope usually. I think that's a very good price especially if you are homeschooling on top of it!

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