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DonovinsMommy August 25th, 2009 10:39 PM

what would you do?
I know that I have posted a while back about my crazy situation with my inlaws! Well we are still going to court for visitation. Let me recap--My MIL has always been a little batty however, she lost it in August 08" and when my dh went to help out the situation told my DH that he wasn't her son anymore and to get out of her house. He looked at her and said "I hope you mean it this time because you will never say it to me again" well months of crappy things being said to us, without us responding- we had to file bankruptcy to get out of a co-owned house- move to a new place and spend thousands of dollars on lawyer fees because they are sueing us for money and visitation of the baby, dh wants nothing to do with them. He states that they will never treat our son like that.

But I happend to mention to my DH today that if only she would get help then maybe his parents could be in Donovins life. He blankly looked at me and said-never, I want nothing to do with them!!

Now my question is--do I just give up hope and support his decision or do I keep trying to get him to want to see his parents?

Mind you I have the personality of always trying to fix everything. My mom says some things can't be fixed...but is this really one of them?

Ima August 26th, 2009 02:24 AM

Re: what would you do?
hmmm. tricky one. some time you need time to sort through things. since this is your DHs problem, your priority is to support him. he is the one who ultimately needs to make the decision. speaking as a person with a family history of mental issues, you cant really force someone to get help. in other words, if she isnt looking for it now, do you honestly think by you telling her she will just cotton on and think its a great idea? chances are it will be more vicious than ever.

build some boundaries to them and their issues or it will infiltrate your marriage and your son's sense of security. this is a great time to work on your issue of feeling like you have to fix things. some things cant be fixed. some things need time. nothing is forever - even a fight. but you have to protect yourself and your family and for that you need boundaries..........

SamuelsMommy August 26th, 2009 10:15 AM

Re: what would you do?
I think it's his family and his decision so you need to support him. If the time comes when he wants to try to patch things up, then be supportive of that too. I think for now I would let him lead where they are concerned and not bring it up more than you need to. When it is discussed, just remind him that you will support him 100% in whatever he decides. If he asks for your opinion and help then let him know what you are thinking. Hugs!! What a messy situation. I can't imagine that her visitation request will be granted but keep us updated.

DonovinsMommy August 26th, 2009 11:43 AM

Re: what would you do?
Thanks ladies. I guess I knew what you guys would say but just needed some reassurance that I was doing the best thing by just supporting him.

It is a terrible situation--and she doesn't want any help because she doesn't believe she has a problem. And the extended family which consist of 7 other people tell us that they don't bother telling her she is wrong because it would just start a family war with them too because they know that they can't reason with her. We have a lot of evidence against her and her husband for enabling her so I hope that my child will not have to be left alone with them.

Thanks again ladies!

LauraG September 1st, 2009 12:10 PM

Re: what would you do?
The other ladies had great advice. i would just continue to support your dh in whatever decision he wants to make since they are his family. I cant believe they are asking for visitation! I am sorry you have to deal with any of this.

_Sabrina_ September 26th, 2009 09:08 PM

Re: what would you do?
You are too nice. I would never give a chance.

Caelen November 30th, 2009 12:28 PM

Re: what would you do?
This is just my opinion but I think given the situation your husband needs you to support him. Obviously what she said hurt him and although I haven't read your other posts about it, it sounds like its been building up to this for a while and the volcano has exploded. No stopping it now. There is always the possibility that in the future she will get help and realize that things just got ridiculous. Then it will be her responsibility to contact her son and try to mend the fence.

I say this because I have issues with my mom. Luckily (I know this sounds harsh, but I moved for a reason) she lives almost 900 miles away and I don't actually have to see her. She's done everything from steal money from me, to let her step kids steal from myself and my husband, take money as support from us then turn it around on us and say we owe her money, did drugs, reported my vehicle (that she gave to me 6 years prior to my move) stolen when I moved.. you get the idea. Anyway, I made the decision upon the occurence of the last incident to not talk to her anymore. Its impacted everyone a lot and she has started to see that she messed up.. big time.. and has started contacting me again. All through this my husband has had the stance of "I want us to get along with your Mom, but I will support your decision." I can't tell you what strength that's given me in certain instances.

Our situations aren't really that similar, but your support will mean a lot to him. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope that they don't win any of their law suits because it just seems ridiculous to me for them to sue you guys.

Just wanted to add.. on the off chance that they DO get any type of visitation (fingers crossed that they don't!) - fight for supervised visitation until you can get rid of it all together.

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