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-   -   Family drama and the birthroom (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f111-labor-and-childbirth/2572293-family-drama-and-birthroom.html)

BrainQueen September 11th, 2012 08:52 PM

Family drama and the birthroom
Hi ladies!

I'm due February 17, and I'd really like to hear your feedback on how you handle family drama and who should/shouldn't be there for the birth.

Some background:

My family is a cesspool of drama (My grandparents and my mom can't be in the same city together without killing each other. My dad has nothing to do with me, etc.), but my in-laws are really great. All my family members have been very supportive of me despite all the internal strife, and they are all thrilled about our baby, so that's at least good. My husband's mom wants to come down for the birth or just after, but she is 950 miles away from us. I live 800 miles from my nearest relatives, and I'm the first one in my group of friends to have a child. This is my first, and my husband has no experience with children. He also doesn't do well in hospitals or around doctors.

I'm very worried about being alone during the birth, but since my family is so far away, and they cannot be in the same room with each other, I really don't know what to do. I'm not sure if any of the people I'd want there with me can travel quickly enough to get there for the birth anyway.

Just feeling very frustrated right now...

Who did you have with you during your birth? Was it helpful to have a female friend or relative with childbirth experience with you? For those of you who lived a long way from family or friends, how did you decide upon who should be with you?

tryinfor5 September 13th, 2012 08:28 AM

Re: Family drama and the birthroom
I didn't have any family close when I gave birth to my first either, and no friends that I felt comfortable being there with me. Luckily my mom did come in prior to the birth and I had DS on his due date (I wouldn't count on that ever again lol). DH also doesn't handle hospitals well and honestly, just the general messiness of labor was hard on him.

My suggestion: If you have a close friend who you can have be there with you I would... but make sure they are on the same playing field as you with your birth wishes. OR hire a doula... that would be a woman who is trained in helping moms labor and they are there for mom and dad. You would want to interview several until you found one that you clicked with for sure.

What I am doing this time around is having my sister in law in with me. She has not had kids so no experience there (I cannot afford a doula as they are crazy expensive in my area - although my understanding is finding a doula in training is a viable route and they do not charge). We are meeting up several times before birth and she is reading some of the books that I suggested. I want a natural birth, so she and I being on the same page is key to her being helpful for me. She also wants a natural birth when she has a baby so this will be a good "training" for her own lol....

I def. feel more comfortable knowing there will be a woman there to help me through. If my husband were better in those situations ( he did well last time, but I ended up with an epidural so there wasn't much for him to do) I would depend more on him for support.
Not sure if that helps at all.. but thats my 2 cents ;)

verybusymomto4 September 16th, 2012 12:43 PM

Re: Family drama and the birthroom
It has always been me and hubby, no one else, i dont his mothers crap in there, dont feel comfortable with her there in the first place and my parents though i love them, i dont want them in there either. It is time for me and hubby no one else. This time with #4 our 3 girls want to be in the room with us so it will be them and us, thats it.
Your hubby will change his mind when you go into labor, it will be something he will not want to miss out on and he will never get that same moment ever again. He will end up regretting it if he misses it. I hate hospitals also but there is a time to suck it up and do something that you dont like. And sorry, but thats what your hubby needs to do, get over it and be there for you and the baby. You and baby come first,not him.

juriaguria September 30th, 2012 12:59 AM

Re: Family drama and the birthroom
Having my mom there was everything. My husband was there too, but after a while (probably around 9 centimeters or maybe even during transition), I needed him to leave me alone. My mom and my nurse (who happened to be my classmate during nursing school) were the only two people I really wanted near me until it was time to push.

If it's at all possible, I think you would really benefit from your mom being there. If not, a supportive female friend who isn't afraid of being in the delivery room. Hope something works out for you! And I think you may be pleasantly surprised, my husband isn't a "hospital" person either but he really pulled through. He was great during the delivery of our son.

emr0312 October 27th, 2012 08:43 PM

Re: Family drama and the birthroom
the chocie should be made between you and you only. you're the one who has to go through labor and delivery! Family and friends should be able to understand if you don't want them in there. As far as having your husband in the room with you or not, that's between the two of you to discuss. If I could do it all over again, I would have it be just my husband and I, or just my sister.

paula96 October 28th, 2012 06:21 AM

Re: Family drama and the birthroom
We were just me and hubby. I thought DH wont be able to handle doctors and birth part also, but he proved to be great. Believe me, when the time comes, strength comes too from within. So, don't worry - just plan for you and your hubby. Rest of the family can join after the baby is here.

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