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-   -   Ever feel a little guilty? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f75-large-families/2547000-ever-feel-little-guilty.html)

anexia July 8th, 2012 10:47 AM

Ever feel a little guilty?
Our friend and neighbor just lost a baby. She had a heart condition and they knew the odds werent good but that doesnt make it any easier. We had all been hoping and praying for a miracle.
The last few days I am very consious of our big family. I look next door and I can't imagine what they must be going through. Then here we are six healthy kids and one more on the way. I worry a little about how overwhelming it must be to have us, in all our noisy unavoidable craziness, right next door at this difficult time.
I know its a little irrational and I know I can't change anything but I can't help feel a little guilty for all we have, especially since I have been less than gracious about this unexpected pregnancy. My friend is so upbeat and positive in such an impossible situation and here I am complaining about my current problems.

CalledBlessed July 8th, 2012 12:26 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
Well I believe that is just a way of God showing you how blessed you are and because you are such a great mother being able to show this woman next door why she wants a child so bad.I have a friend who miscarried a lot before she had her two that she has and when I go to her and talk with her she seemed stronger than I We all have our struggles and the best way to help her is to just be by her side.and the best way not to feel guilty is to take care of the most precious gifts God has given to you.Sometimes I will also become scared to try to have another one because I don't know if I could bear losing a child I feel like I might become crazy but I have to remember that this was never in my hands to begin with and God will carry this thing out either way :) I also know that most people who lose children end up with double when it finally suceeds!

mom2many2010 July 8th, 2012 12:59 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
Actually I do on occasion. I know that when I was pregnant with the last and mad as hell about it, I felt really guilty when a friend of our was struggling with conceiving. Here I was mad about it and all she wanted was to be in my position.

UrbanMomma July 8th, 2012 01:13 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
I do feel guilty sometimes. A friend of mine has one lil boy and wants another baby so badly and can't get pregnant. She's been trying for over a year now. I got pg twice in that time (lost one) and felt so bad.

Kristina July 8th, 2012 02:55 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
Yeah I do sometimes esp when I first got pregnant with Ryder because my sister had just lost her 18 week son Cooper Kaden and she lost him pretty much to the day that I conceived Ryder. Haviing to tell her that I was pregnant was pretty tough but she was super excited for me and was honored that I named him Ryder John-Cooper. she now has a beautiful baby girl who just turned 1.

Babymakes8 July 8th, 2012 03:49 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
I felt guilty during my last pregnancy. I had a friend who was due just 2 weeks after me, and she and her DH were TRYING where my little Squeakers wasn't planned at all. I felt horrible when my friend miscarried, and there I was still pregnant.

My brother and his wife were trying for their third, and miscarried TWICE last summer while I was pregnant.

Yea, it was hard. I felt guilty, ashamed that people who wanted to be pregnant and TRYING for a baby couldn't and my husband just breathed on me.

cybele July 8th, 2012 03:59 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
I felt guilty when my best friend was going through fertility treatments, she had breast cancer and cannot conceive naturally, but she had eggs frozen before the chemo, she had 3 miscarriages, which was getting very hard for her because it wasn't like regular IVF where she could do a second egg collection, she only had what she had, which was 6 eggs (she has two embryos frozen still, she is unsure whether to try again right now, her little boy is only 11 months)

None of the guilt was fuelled by her whatsoever, she never said anything, gave hints of anything, but 3 of mine were 'accidents' and I did feel guilty thinking back on when I found out I was pregnant with the younger 3, especially with Sasha after doing the home pregnancy test, my reaction was "OH S#IT" and I couldn't believe, after seeing what my friend was going through, that I reacted that way.

Indymommy7 July 8th, 2012 04:25 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
Empathetic yes, guilty, no.

I say this because I have had my share of heartache in life as well.

UrbanMomma July 8th, 2012 04:47 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?

Yea, it was hard. I felt guilty, ashamed that people who wanted to be pregnant and TRYING for a baby couldn't and my husband just breathed on me.
I sometimes feel bad that some couples have to TRY so hard, cause I have never tried to get pregnant. I have actually tried NOT to get pregnant and still ended up knocked up.

#5in2005 July 8th, 2012 06:18 PM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
I have felt almost guilty but never guilty, because it's not like because I'm having a baby someone else doesn't. My brother and his wife struggled with fertility for years, and twice we would have had babies at the same time, had she not miscarried, and that was always hard.

Farmers-wife July 9th, 2012 09:51 AM

Re: Ever feel a little guilty?
I always feel bad that it is so easy for us. I try to be sympathetic, I try to be thankful. I can't do anything about it. It is a gift, though, and I try to remember that.

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