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-   -   How do you deal..... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f75-large-families/2668168-how-do-you-deal.html)

Christina642 July 26th, 2013 02:52 PM

How do you deal.....
How do you deal with the comments about being done having kids? I am prego with #5 and I thought I was going to be done but then when I found out it was another boy I cried so bad. I really wanted a girl so now I'm not sure I'm done having kids. Everyone in my Family keeps telling me "Your getting fixed this time right? Your done now right?" Honestly I can't say that I am done. I had that done feeling till I found out I was having another boy. I'm not saying I will have more kids but I'm kinda tired of the comments. Honestly I feel as if I'm the one raising my kids and I'm the one paying for what they need then why can't I have as many as I want.

mom2many2010 July 26th, 2013 03:36 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
You can just say yes, and shut them up, what you do later really doesn't matter. I was done at 7 and have 8, or you can just say I don't know and change the conversation.

UrbanMomma July 26th, 2013 03:58 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
I'd ask them why they feel your uterus is their business.....serious as can be, and wait for the answer. That will shut most people up.

Christina642 July 26th, 2013 07:14 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
I usually say yes and leave it at that. But it still irks me that they even care.

Farmers-wife July 26th, 2013 08:08 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
No, you need to go on the offensive. Um is right. Uterus is good, but vagina is better. They don't care. They don't understand. And, I could be wrong, but I think they take every baby we each gladly have as an indictment about their choices to stop. So, I tend to be ore outspoken and stand up for us. I would never say yes. I have said "not this year". And never ever say getting fixed. There is noting in the world broken! I have a friend who would always say "I'd like to have 2 more".

LABs July 26th, 2013 09:08 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
Its strange. No one could understand why we were having #5. When it turned out to be #5 & #6, people changed. No one asks me if I'm done anymore! I get constantly asked when I'm having the seventh! Once you hit the divide between 5 and 6 it seems that the comments switch. I'm constantly shocking people by saying this is it! Its almost like 6 is a bad number to stop at. Looking back at all the families I know, none of them stopped at 6! If they went past 5, they had at least 7. 8 is the most common or I know several that went past into double digits. So be prepared if you go for #6 that its not a number you "should" stop at. I don't want any more, so we can stick together in outcast 6-ness!

Jenilope July 27th, 2013 07:54 AM

Re: How do you deal.....
I agree, the implication that there is something "wrong" with wanting many children in today's society drives me up the dang want. I want to ask them why they ONLY had 2! I'm having my 4th girl and SO many people have made rude comments about how we must have been trying for a boy, I got mad and just asked the last one which of my girls I should trade in and where I can get this boy they all think I NEED.

I think FW is on to something that our decision to continue having children makes people with 1-2 feel uncomfortable. But I'm also pretty tired of people asking these questions that are deeply personal and don't affect them at all.

UrbanMomma July 27th, 2013 08:11 AM

Re: How do you deal.....
I too hate when people say getting fixed, obviously nothing is broken.

I like to tell people I have a 15 passenger van and I haven't filled all the seats yet when I am feeling a bit less crude.

I am due in a few days with #11 and people find it amusing to ask if I am going for a dozen. Sure, and then some.

Christina642 July 27th, 2013 01:55 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
I used the line. "Why is my uterus any of your business" line last night. I have to say the look on her face was priceless. She was speechless and just walked away. I think I'm going to start using that line more often lol.

LUSHaye July 27th, 2013 02:24 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
You know, I used to want only one. And then it seemed like every year I wanted more. Right now, I want five or six. Minimum.
I like big families. I think they're fun. SO says I can have as many as I want. I feel, though, that once the number in my litter starts going up, there will be some comments from one or two family members. But like everyone else has said, it's not their issue and if I am the one providing everything they need, who cares.

MIL2lissy8 July 28th, 2013 02:20 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
well said ladies!!!!

LABs July 28th, 2013 03:01 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
When announcing a pg, announce the intention to have another. I did that with my fourth. Just got it out in the open right away. Then when they acted surprised at the fifth I was there to remind them. Then my plan was shot when we got twins confirmed. There is only so much you can plan for!

Iluvmybabies* July 28th, 2013 11:54 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
With being 28wks with baby girl #5 I get "done" comments alllllllllll the time people ask everytime if we're trying for a boy it pisses me off lots because I am very sensitive to gender comments
We will have one more after this princess but not to try for a boy I just have always wanted 6 or more and I'm pretty sure hubby is done at 6, I just nodd and walk away when I get any comment about my family size!!!

callista83 July 29th, 2013 11:45 AM

Re: How do you deal.....
Great topic. I'm only pregant with #4 but I am sick of those comments too. Then when I mentioned to my husband about always wanting lots of kids and perhaps not being done, he says "You only want 5 kids because all your friends at playgroup have large families" Really? He even says he would be open to a larger family although lack of money and space is a big issue, but really? I might be more comfortable with running a larger family because of seeing my friends but I don't make decisions about number of kids based on what my friends have.

Oh and Laura... it's funny that you say that. One of my friends has 6 kids. But in general of all the large families I know or have heard of, rarely do I hear 6 kids. It's always up to 5 and then 7 or more LOL.

Starchaser July 31st, 2013 12:35 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
I agree with all of your ladies comments. It none of anyone business. But I always just say, "Why, you gonna start paying my bills?" That usually is enough to ward of any more comments,lol!

#5in2005 July 31st, 2013 10:08 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
don't even get me started on the boy comments....

When I was pregnant with my 5th I told people that 8 was our number, so really I was only halfway.

mamato4andc July 31st, 2013 10:21 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
It's really starting to make me mad, especially when it's someone that does it with a bad attitude and/or I don't even know. My new responses are:
1)"Well we have a 12 passenger van so......" and 2) "Seeing as I'm only 29 and have had a baby every 2 years, looks like this one (#5) will be the middle child."
And the ridiculous comment of "Are you or hubby getting fixed?" I always respond, "We're not broken."
People shut up REALLY quick!

Counting our Blessings August 1st, 2013 12:33 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
My hubby tells people we are hoping for triplets next time :smile:

HalfDozen August 4th, 2013 09:14 AM

Re: How do you deal.....
I get the comments from non-family members, particularly now that we have a boy. I have always told everyone that the gender was never important to us, and it wasn't. A healthy baby is all I have ever wanted. Several people have asked my mom if we're done, and she tells them that she couldn't begin to guess that. I guess time will tell!

EMS2005 August 28th, 2013 03:47 PM

Re: How do you deal.....
I got it after my second. One boy and one girl was perfect and *obviously* I was done. After my third a couple of people were like, *surely* you're done *now*!! We are, but it has nothing to do with feeling like I have "enough" kids. Hope y'all don't mind me gleaning tips here.

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