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-   -   Desperate & need advice please! (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f75-large-families/2681937-desperate-and-need-advice-please.html)

aln030482 September 27th, 2013 04:36 PM

Desperate & need advice please!
Hello again everyone! I have an issue that I DESPERATELY need help with....

So I have a history of some c-sections (all which were uneventful I might add), and now that I'm currently expecting our 8th child, the doctors are breathing down my neck to get a tubal ligation that I nor my husband really want.

Here's a little bit of history...
My OB history is in my signature, but here's a little bit more info....
So I left my previous OB around my 13 week of pregnancy because the doctors were very uncaring, & they said I was putting their practice at risk with my c-section history. Before I left the practice though, upon inquiring as to why they feel as they do, they did give me a list of medical reasons as to why I should go along with the tubal ligation....

So here's the new practice..... I chose to go to a bigger hospital with an in-house maternal/ fetal medicine staff readily available. Anyways, I asked MFM about the list of medical reasons as to why I shouldn't have any more children & they debunked about 90% of them stating that recent research has proved that the reasons listed were no longer up to date. They even stated that because I've already had 2 natural births, amongst the medically necessary c-sections' that if I should go into labor on my own, the risk of uterine rupture is quite small & they would strongly consider allowing me to attempt a natural labor... again, as long as an induced labor was NOT needed. The only significant risk, they stated, would be placental issues, but after they conducted an ultrasound, they said that wouldn't be much of an issue either.

Then we have the regular OB staff (located adjacent to MFM).... In addition to criticizing me about my family size & questioning how on earth I manage both mentally & financially, they listed quite a few of the medical reasons for having a tubal ligation that my previous OB had stated. After telling them what MFM had stated, they told me that MFM just didn't want to scare me & they were NOT in full agreement with them. As far as trying to have a natural birth, they completely dismissed the idea even if I "show up at the hosptial 10 cm. dilated"... So with that being said, now that I'm 30 weeks, they've really been pushing the issue of tubal ligation & the last two appointments have been BEYOND horrible, having me leaving in tears, which they show no sympathy.

I just don't know what to do anymore & it just seems that nobody cares or understands what I'm going through....

UrbanMomma September 27th, 2013 05:06 PM

Re: Desperate & need advice please!
I absolutely would NOT put up with being bullied. The doctors work for you, you are paying them for a service. Tell them while you appreciate their advice, you and your husband are not in agreement with their suggestions and you do NOT want it brought up again at any further appointment or during or after labor and delivery.

If it is brought up again then contact the state medical board.

Farmers-wife September 27th, 2013 05:35 PM

Re: Desperate & need advice please!
Yes, yo have to stand up for yourself. No one is going to do it for you. If you can raise kids, you tell these people to stop harassing you. And find a new office.

aln030482 September 27th, 2013 05:38 PM

Re: Desperate & need advice please!
Thank you so much UrbanMomma & Farmers-wife!!!

Why oh why do they criticize mothers of more than the 3 or 4 children? I understand that having a large family isn't for everyone, but c'mon already!!

Do any of you ever experience this when it pertains to expanding your family?

Farmers-wife September 27th, 2013 05:49 PM

Re: Desperate & need advice please!
No. Not anymore. In fact, now people keep asking me when the next one is coming. You really need to grow a tough skin and tell them to knock it off.

Babymakes8 September 27th, 2013 06:31 PM

Re: Desperate & need advice please!
Tell them that IF and WHEN you decide to do anything to permanently prevent pregnancy, it will only be IF and WHEN YOU make the decision for yourself, not when someone else is telling them to do it.

Also remind them if women quit having babies they'd not have a job, would they?

UrbanMomma September 28th, 2013 07:00 AM

Re: Desperate & need advice please!
People give me a hard time sometimes, but like FW said, not so much anymore. I'm not one to hold my tongue though.

clouise September 28th, 2013 01:02 PM

Re: Desperate & need advice please!
Maybe I've spent too much time on this board...but eight just doesn't seem like THAT many.

Honestly, I'd tell them that you and your husband don't believe in birth control. (think the Duggar family) Whether that is the case or not, it seems like they'd have to accept that they are not going to change your religious beliefs, and move on.

Grace October 18th, 2013 08:09 PM

Re: Desperate & need advice please!
So are they mostly concerned about so many c-sections? I had 6 c-sections and no issues, expecting my 7th and just seen my ob the other day. He did ask me if I wanted my tubes tied after this baby, I said no and he said okay. He didn't pressure or anything else, he doesn't seem concerned about it being my 7th either, he does have a mfm if we run into issues. Every woman heals differently, my ob explained that they have seen a woman have 2 sections and be told no more, while someone can have several and be okay. I don't want to have my tubes tied (been there done that, and had them reversed) dh will get the V when we are done... mostly likely we are done now lol.

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