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IronMamma April 27th, 2013 08:35 PM

Kids and marriage
Do you believe in staying married just for the kids?

Amaranth Dhanya April 28th, 2013 07:21 AM

Re: Kids and marriage
I think it seems like a good idea but either way those kids will be traumatized. Either by a marriage thats bad or by seperation and quite honestly I think they can make a better recovery from a seperation than seeing a bad marriage.

IronMamma April 28th, 2013 03:32 PM

Re: Kids and marriage
I agree. It's better to come from a broken home then live in one.

Jessimaaka April 28th, 2013 05:28 PM

Re: Kids and marriage
I agree. But at the same time I've never been in that position, so its really hard to say what I would do. DH's parents stayed together longer than they should have....but I hope to never be in a similar position!

IronMamma April 28th, 2013 07:45 PM

Re: Kids and marriage
I also hope I am not in that position.

Amaranth Dhanya April 29th, 2013 10:41 AM

Re: Kids and marriage
My mom stuck it out til I graduated high school and even tho my sisters were younger she waited til I was that old. Not for me but because by then we were all older and could hopefully understand why she left dad.

She was miserable most of her marriage and we all knew it. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife by the time she finally left. It was a relief for all of us.

I thought about leaving Dan when he'd really be having bad days and was so mean to me and the kids. I thought about what would be best and, in my situation, staying was better because it wasnt his fault...it wasnt him acting rotten. If he hadnt have been sick none of it would have happened. I had to look at what leaving would do to the kids and I realized that denying them that last couple months with their father would do a whole lot more damage than hanging in here and me reminding them that it was the illness not him,etc.

I knew a lady who stuck it out til her kids were grown and gone before leaving her abusive and drunk husband. She was crazy! She regretted staying and her relationship with her kids suffered and she blamed sticking it out.

So Ive seen many sides of this type of thing. Really boils down to what you think is best for your kids in the long run. If Dan had been like that w/o being sick, I would have left no ifs, ands, nor buts about it.

Blue-Jay May 5th, 2013 11:00 AM

Re: Kids and marriage
I think it's a bad idea to stay miserable "for the sake of the kids." I knew a lady once whose daughter's therapist said, "unhappy parents can't raise happy kids." I DO believe you should work hard and fight for your life to save your marriage, but if, in the end, it's only making everyone unhappy, you have to do something to save yourself and teach your kids a lesson about how to overcome hardships and seek out joy.

IronMamma May 6th, 2013 12:29 PM

Re: Kids and marriage
"unhappy parents can't raise happy kids."

I like that, and I find that absolutely true.

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