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-   -   No clue where to post this I need advice quick... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f28-mommy-lounge/297134-no-clue-where-to-post-i-need-advice-quick.html)

Amanda C September 1st, 2006 08:35 PM

Dh has always, always believed in a good spanking. His dad always gave them to him growing up.

Today he and our son who will be SIX in a few weeks, got into because my son ran over a tire in the yard while riding his four wheeler. I don't know the precise details but it's evident from the welps on my son that dh did more than just spank him. DH hasn't apologized or said it was wrong. He says he only spatted him with his hand but ladies there are welps from his butt down his thigh. This happened at 4 o clock and it's now 10 o clock and they are clearly visible, bright red and raised.

What do I do?? I don't think what he did is right and tomorrow my son is going to my mom's so I'm going to have to explain to her what happened because she will definitely see it.

It's not that I don't believe in spanking but this is overboard, IMO. If anyone at school sees it we will surely be in trouble.

How do I get through to dh??? This is the first time he's ever done this.

I'm so mad and hurt....

BensMom September 1st, 2006 08:48 PM

Unfortunately, I'm able to see both sides of the coin because it's how I was treated as a child. While I definitely don't think that much force was warranted, I also know that it's exactly how it's been done in my family for several generations (as far back as anyone in my family can remember anyway). As kids, we were always reminded of the verse in the Old Testament (leviticus maybe? can't recall off the top of my head) that unruly children were to be taken outside the city and stoned to death. I very firmly believe that verse was referring to rebelliant teenagers with outrageous attitudes and not to children who are still learning the rules, though! I won't be treating my son the way I was treated, that's for sure. Children should be taught to understand before being so harshly punished for something.

Explain to him that your son is just not old enough to comprehend that much... and that the punishment not only needs to fit the crime, but that it should never EVER be given in anger. It sounds to me ... with redness lingering this long ... that your dh didn't take the time to cool off before spanking your son. He needs some help with anger management, and I simply can't tell you where to get it. You might try asking about anger management advice over in the controlling & abusing relationships board, though. They'll probably direct you to some help/advice for dealing with your hubby.

*Valerie* September 2nd, 2006 09:12 AM

This is a tough one. I would definitely have a long talk with your DH and let him know that while he feels it was okay, you do not and that you are BOTH raising this child so your opinions matter. Maybe you can convince your DH to try other means of discipline first. I am not against spanking, but I also feel that leaving marks is uncalled for. I agree with BensMom that maybe he needs to work on anger management!

Sassy5d September 4th, 2006 04:17 PM

I know this is late sorry I was out of town all weekend...

My daughter is 7 and I know each child is different but I do think most kids at 6 know the basic difference between right and wrong and unless it was a total accident like the tire wasn't there and then it just appeared and he ran it over... chances can be that he was doing it for fun..(I don't know, and I don't know what type of 4wheeler it is.. if it's a real one, and your husband thinks if he hits something with it that he deserves beaten then perhaps he's not old enough to ride one yet)

That being said... I feel bad for your child.. if he's never really been spanked before.. getting an unexpecting spanking of that nature at his age probably freaked him out.. Do make sure you have an alone time talk with your son about the incident..( I always make a habit out of when my dd gets a lil butt spankin to talk it over.. getting spanked around here is rare and is in most cases from doing something that she's been told not to do and could REALLY hurt herself)

I'd talk to your husband.. Leaving huge marks on a small child, him being much much larger.. is not a good thing...

owHiiT_x September 4th, 2006 05:26 PM

i def. understand while youir upset!

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