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-   -   Slowly falling apart... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f257-natural-childbirth/2647178-slowly-falling-apart.html)

ashj_1218 April 30th, 2013 03:31 PM

Slowly falling apart...
...my dreams and even my will to have a NCB :(

I don't know if its just fear making me shy away. Or if its the complications that are presenting themselves. But I just am losing the desire and, potentially, ability to have one. I feel guilty, sad, and happy about it all at the same time :shrugs:

I was in the hospital this weekend for unexplained clotting. And it was discovered that I have severe polyhydraminos. So I got several more sonograms and have a MFM scan on hold pending Thursdays results.

They don't know why I was clotting, why I was contracting with little-no progress, or why her fluid levels are skyrocketing right now. It's frustrating. I am on bed rest now and we are just waiting.

But I am terrified for my water to break...given she has tons of it and cord prolapse is a real concern with her still floating. I am terrified to need a sono at MFM because they will be looking for abnormalities causing the fluid. I am terrified of going into labor and being so emotionally exhausted (and physically...I have gained 10lbs, mostly in fluid, in the past two weeks) that I just want meds. And to top it off...I will certainly be induced either if her fluid continues to rise and/or I hit 38 weeks at current levels. Which means ill be opting for an epi with my pitocin.

I sorta am frustrated that my body is not keen on just cooperating in the end of pregnancy. Last time it was a late turning breech that threw a kink in the whole works. This time, massive fluid and unexplained bleeding. Sigh.

I just wish I had more confidence. Buts it's getting worse instead of better. I am so exhausted with all of it. Sorry for the whine :(

GranolaMamaOf3 April 30th, 2013 03:46 PM

Re: Slowly falling apart...
Feel free to whine all you need! I'm so sorry you are being faced with all of this! Try to take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Do what needs to be done in that moment, with no fear or guilt. I'm not very educated on what you are dealing with, but sometimes medical intervention is necessary, and that's okay. :dothug: We're here for you!

UrbanMomma April 30th, 2013 04:34 PM

Re: Slowly falling apart...
I don't know much about any of that stuff either, and I am also sorry you have so much to deal with and agree that sometimes medical interventions are necessary. You can still have a non medicated birth if you are induced. I have done it once, I actually did not think it was any worse contraction wise.

Wishing you the best with everything.

NinjaCakes May 1st, 2013 12:44 AM

Re: Slowly falling apart...
I think you have every right to vent your worries and frustrations. You have a full plate right now! I know the fear and the guilt at being confronted with the possibility for necessary interventions. It really isn't fair to you. You want to do what is best for your baby. I wish it was always as straightforward as that. Good luck.

4 boys May 1st, 2013 12:50 PM

Re: Slowly falling apart...
Don't worry too much about it. I know it's hard not to. But sometimes those medical interventions ARE necessary and if you need them, well, you just need them. A natural birth is generally done if everything else is fine. And if things aren't fine, then you don't have to feel bad about doing what is necessary.

But aside from all that, just see how things go. Things might improve. Maybe you can still have the birth you want (mostly), depending how things are looking at the time. Just don't beat yourself up about it because that isn't worth it.


therevslady May 2nd, 2013 06:14 AM

Re: Slowly falling apart...
I totally agree with these ladies. I am so thankful medical interventions are there when we need them. This is obviously not one of those times when they are "looking for something" to induce you with, this is actually a medical circumstance to be careful of. I think your natural birth experience might come in helpful to help you navigate the choices that you have ahead of yourself so that you can triumphantly hold your baby in your arms, knowing that you made the best choices out of everything you had in front of you. Many prayers for you and blessings for your family.

daneeleigh May 3rd, 2013 01:18 PM

Re: Slowly falling apart...
Ditto to the others. I believe medical interventions are necessary at times and with the stress your under you shouldn't deal with more. NCB can be a stressful event at times and maybe it would be best if you relaxed throughout your labor. Instead of worrying about what interventions are being done you can just let go and know you've done your best to prepare yourself. And I truly believe if I was given pit I'd opt for an epi.

Erin.minus.thyroid May 3rd, 2013 06:26 PM

Re: Slowly falling apart...
Hang in there. I noticed this thread because it reminded me of one I made last year before my DDs birth. I had other issues at the end of my pregnancy threatening my NCB too and I was terrified and sad about it as well. In the end I did get my NCB and it was a wonderful experience. I hope that your baby and your body work how they should so that you can have the birth experience that you desire. I know how difficult it can be to not get that as my first child was a horrible birth experience. With his birth I was very happy for the medical intervention though because truly saved both of our lives. I hope you get the birth you desire but most importantly a safe arrival for that baby no matter how it happens.

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