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MommyLala April 4th, 2012 02:16 PM

Need some advice
Hi everyone. I am new to this website, but found it from Google. I have read some similar stories to mine but wanted to hear everyone's advice for my own story.

The guy I'm with, I have known for 2 years, but never knew him from a love relationship, just from a friend relationship. We always got a long great and he seemed really laid-back and cool. So we started hanging out and decided we liked eachother so we started dating. Well we've been dating for 4 months now, and I found out I got pregnant almost 2 months AFTER we started dating....not very smart or responsible. I am excited about the pregnancy, but after about a month of being pregnant I really have decided I can't stand being around him and get aggravated at everything he does or says. I understand a lot of people say that it's just the hormones and it'll go away and I thought that at first too, but my feelings haven't changed, they have just grown stronger and I don't act like this towards anyone else. He always has something negative to say (like "I can just see you going out there and leaving me for this guy" or something like that.....something that doesn't even exist) and he has been doing this since the beginning of our relationship, which I NEVER thought he was like that, and then realized he was, but then thought it was something that would pass, but it has only gotten worse. I used to comfort him and tell him I would never do those kinds of things and I'm not like that, but he still doesn't stop and I have warned him the past few months that it's only going to push me away. And everything I say he basically ignores because he's still acting the same.

And now being pregnant, I don't need to deal with the extra stress. I have a lot to worry about. We were living in his parents house in the basement in his room where he thought we would be fine raising the baby in the small room with us, and he doesn't have a job.....he gets disability each month and it's a very small amount. He has his mom pay the majority of his bills. I just never knew all of these things, before I got pregnant and before we got together, and again that was irresponsible on my part. But I am keeping the baby and am very happy and looking forward to it, but don't want to be with him anymore. I tried to leave a few weeks ago and he blocked me in his neighborhood with his car so I couldn't go past him or else I would hit his car, so I had to call the cops to come help, so I already have a police report for that, and then just this past week we got into another huge argument and he was verbally abusing me (well he does that every argument we get into) and I grabbed my purse and decided to leave and he grabbed my purse and my things from my hand and threw them across the room and then pushed me so I couldn't get my stuff and then I was screaming at the top of my lungs because he was acting crazy and his parents didn't even wake up at all (they have a huge fan that makes so much noise you can't hear anything, apparently) and then I tried to grab my phone and he threw it on the ground and completely smashed it into pieces so I tried to run up the stairs to get away from him and get his parents and he grabbed me by the neck of my sweatshirt and pulled me back down the stairs so I couldn't go up there. And kept saying "You can't call nobody. You have no one hear to help you and there's no witnesses, so I don't have to admit to anything" And I was screaming like hyperventilating crying because I was trapped and had no phone and no way to get out for help. I finally just tried to calm down after about 3 hours of him screaming and verbally abusing me because I knew I couldn't get out and so I went to sleep and then in the morning left for work and then my family all found out about from me talking on the phone to my sister in-law crying hysterically at work, and so they wanted me to get my stuff from his house and I haven't seen him since then. (I also didn't report this whole incident to the cops and have been thinking about doing it every single day since it happened and my family told me to, but I didn't listen).

I told him he needs to go to counseling and get help because he is not in the right state of mind, and he needs to get a job, and he keeps telling me he will, but all of this has still not happened, and I am scared for my life and worried if he is going to try and hurt my family or me. He tells me when he's upset that he wishes I never got pregnant and I should have another abortion since I have had previous ones, and calls me a baby killer, and tells me I'm gonna go "f*ck some guy" and he's gonna beat the sh*t out of them if he finds me with someone else. And he also tells me he wants nothing to do with the baby if I am not with him. But then when he's calmer he tells me he was just saying that out of anger and he just doesn't understand why I don't want to be with him and he has treated me so good and my ex's treated me like crap and I wanted to be with them and he doesn't get it. And I'm scared to even tell him I don't want to be with him because I don't know what he's gonna do. He says some threatening things to be and he is a BIG guy. And he's been to jail before for 2nd degree assault (beating up a guy with brass knuckles with spikes because the guy jumped him with his friends at a party). He has only been in 1 relationship before....on and off with this girl for 5 years and I did read some of the letters she wrote to him and he was crazy and controlling with her too. But him and his mom tell me that he's soooo much better with me and has calmed down. But I don't see that very much! And I'm PREGNANT! The ex wasn't! And he put his hands on me WHILE pregnant! Who's to say he won't do it again or do something to hurt the baby? I just don't know what to do, because I know he has been a good guy in the past and he's hurt because I don't want to be with him anymore, but I can't help that my feelings have changed and he needs to understand that and just because he's angry doesn't make ANY of this ok. The baby can still be happy and have a good life. I try and tell him this and he just gets upset. I just don't know if I should let him be at the hospital when the baby's born, if I should get a restraining order against him, if I should report all of this to the cops, if I should put his name on the birth certificate. I have a bunch of people telling me so many different things, I'm just lost. I just don't want to regret anything, but I don't need to feel scared and stressed. I have been way to stressed this whole pregnancy and now not being around him I am so happy and getting so many things done. But then he ruins my day or my mood when he calls or texts me saying these negative things again.

Sorry that this was so long, I just have so much on my mind right now and this is a big decision. Thank you for taking the time to read this and listen to me vent!

:confused: :frown:

slpliz April 4th, 2012 07:38 PM

Re: Need some advice
This is just my opinion but I would get an order of protection for you and your baby from this guy. He sounds like a violent loose cannon and you need to think about your baby and yourself and not this guy. I would report him to the police, get the restraining order and not let him anywhere near the baby. But that is just me.

MommyLala April 5th, 2012 10:20 AM

Re: Need some advice
That's what I have been thinking about doing. I had a Dr's appointment today for a check up with my OB-GYN and I told her everything that was going on and asked her if she could refer me to some counselors she knows, so I am going to go to counseling and talk to them about it too, which I'm sure they'll tell me the same thing (to get a restraining order against him), and I know that is probably the right thing to do, and I don't know why I feel guilty doing that. I shouldn't at all. But I think about his parents because they are such nice people and his family is too, and I don't want them to NOT be able to see the baby, but if HE is going to act like this, I do not want my baby to be around that at all!

NewGurl April 6th, 2012 01:37 AM

Re: Need some advice
you feel guilty because your being emotionally abused. And your not weak or stupid or crazy and its not your fault. Your afraid because you should be because people like that will only get worse and their apologize are only because they know they have gone to far and are losing there grip on you. If anything you should be proud you are getting out so soon.

I dated a "man" if you want to call him that for 2 years who was so simaler is scary. I was only in high school he was in his 20s yet still living at home. It got to the point where he would be waiting on me outside the school and i was afraid to talk to people he once caught me at a McDonald with a female classmate and started yelling so much that i was crying and begging for forgiveness and when i look back on it i always wonder how it got so far. it didnt even make sense why would i ask for forgiveness for getting a cheeseburger with a friend.

but the awnser is simple its becuse it is what they do they manipulate and craft and worm their way into control and it is scary so please please get out. And dont go back it is the biggest mistake to let their words sit in your head and make you think youv done something wrong by getting away. you havent and you need to soon i didn't run until i was choke slammed into a wall in front of his own little sister. people like that will only get more controlling and more violent.

honeybeexx May 14th, 2012 10:46 PM

Re: Need some advice
Hi, hun. I'm so sorry you're going through this! I myself was married to a man right out of high school that used to beat me up and treat me awful. He sounds just like the guy you're with, to a T. He escalated to holding a gun to my head and beating me up while I was pregnant, and I lost my baby due to his abuse and all the stress. I'll never forgive myself for loving him more than my child, because I chose to stay with him and lost my baby from the stress. I divorced him and met my husband who I love dearly, who'd never lay a hand on me.

That's the type of guy YOU deserve. Where is your family? Get help from them and move in with them if you can. Get help from the police if you're afraid to leave, or get your stuff out of his place. Get a restraining order. Don't let him be around you while you're pregnant, or around your baby. He could beat you up so bad you could lose your child. Are you ready to accept that?

Sounds to me like you don't want to be with him anyway. Contact your family, and the law, for help so you can leave. You seem like a sweet person, and you deserve so much more. Love yourself and your baby enough to get away from this abuser! It will only get worse. I promise you!

Good luck, and you can talk to me if you ever need to! <3

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