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-   -   DDC (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/1194458-ddc.html)

Sebastians_mom August 16th, 2008 12:48 AM

Initially I told myself when I got pregnant again I would NOT join a ddc, I didn't think I would be able to listen to women complaining about morning sickness, getting fat and what not, when all I can think about is my baby dying.

But once I got pregnant I really wanted the same experience I had with my old DDC which I enjoyed so much, I thought I was strong enough and thought it would be fine.

Now I've been there 2 weeks I guess I feel maybe I am far to sensitive at this point and I'll probably make people dislike me because of it. I think it's important people be able to have and share their own opinions and be respected for them, but some hit a nerve that bring back memories of my son and some times I find myself saying not so pleasant things to my husband about what people are complaining about. Am I doomed to spend this entire pregnancy holding back these feelings? If so is it even worth being in a DDC at all?

Are there any ladies here who chose not to be part of a DDC at all?

*Pamela* August 16th, 2008 04:23 AM

I'm so sorry about baby Sebastian. I thought I would have a hard time joining a ddc but joined the dec ddc right away. Then found out my dd would be Nov. I went over for an introduction but the club was already formed and I had a hard time fitting in (only my opinion) I then pretty much stayed away and only came here. You won't find any complaining about pregnancy here. I love every bit of this baby kicking me, even all night. I now post more in my ddc and feel more at ease with them. The ladies there are a great group and everyone gets along great!

I can really understand about wanting to say something to those who complain. In my eyes, you take it a day at a time and rejoice in the blessing that you are pregnant for each day because you don't know if it will end. I think they are just oblivious to that possibility. I know I was at one time and now I regret and feel bad for complaining. I didn't belong to this forum, but another that I no longer go to.

On JustMommies, I feel that the ladies here are so different, they are more caring and supportive. I haven't had a reason yet to reply to that I would be non supportive. I think for the ladies that complain, they just don't know and I think we have to be accepting of that. They don't have a reason to be worried and since I wouldn't wish a loss on my worst enemy, I have to be happy knowing that they can be oblivous to a loss and complain. I'd rather they complain than suffer a loss and worry like we do when pregnant again. I hope that makes sense.

I think you should do what makes you feel comfortable. No matter though, we would love to have you here! Sorry I missed you introduction and wanted to say congrats and welcome.

*becky* August 16th, 2008 07:42 AM

I agree with what Pamela said, its just an ignorance/naive issue.

There are a couple members on our DDC that I have chosen to ignore. It just saves me some heartache when reading posts.

I chose to join the DDC after I got my positive blood test. I post on both this board and the DDC board. That way I opinions and posts from both sides of things.

I haven't noticed you being unfriendly to anyone in posts at all. (((Hugs)))

woohoo502 August 16th, 2008 07:43 AM

i did join my DDC right away. There is nothing wrong with deciding not to though. There are definitely some women on this board who decided not to for certain reasons. You have to do what is best for you and your pregnancy. This board is great, and full of women who understand your fears.

akafrogs August 16th, 2008 09:03 AM

I've started lurking. And I've replied to a few posts, but I haven't joined. I'm not letting myself until I get my second beta back. Then I will do an introduction. I just don't want to have to undo it, ya know.

angelmomjen August 16th, 2008 09:23 AM

I joined another DDC on another website straight from the start, and I never fit in there, never connected. I had so many worries, and scared and no one there would respond to those worries and scares, just left my questions hanging there. I gues they did not want to worry and think about the negative things, and every other day I was questioning something else to worry about, but hey I can see where they were comming from but I cant help my fears, thats what having to bury a child will do to you. So since I felt lost there and no connections I searched around found this one, and was in love with woman who were understanding,informative and supportive. I never joined the ddc here, I lurked there from time to time, to see what other woman feel that I am at the moment, but never felt like that was for me either. PAL is all I have needed!!

Some people dont have natural common sense compassion, its not their fault its just not there, so thats why they say and ask things that well...seems harsh to us. Woman who have lost children are on another plane in this world....a whole diffrent kind of understanding.

victorialv August 16th, 2008 01:06 PM

Welp, I decided to wait for awhile before joining a DDC. And, honestly, even now I am not on there much. If it is making you uncomfortable, then I would choose to hang back for awhile.

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