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-   -   When does the worry go away? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2334816-when-does-worry-go-away.html)

RubyRocks May 24th, 2011 10:20 AM

When does the worry go away?
I've been trying to keep up with the Nov. DDC & stay active, but more & more lately I feel like it's too soon to really get into all of this & that I'm rushing things. I'm 13 weeks today & although my pregnancy this time around has been very different then the last one that ended at 19 weeks {I've actually had symptoms!}, I'm still freaking out, daily.

I know the baby is healthy, I know everything is fine, but NOT knowing IF it will stay that way the entire 40 weeks is what is bothering me. I feel afraid to get excited. I feel afraid to plan ahead. I'm even afraid that now that the morning sickness has subsided I have no real way of knowing IF things are still going smoothly because I feel normal. crazy I know lol.

Pregnancy is supposed to be fun, & I'm afraid constantly.

I know you girls will understand what I'm feeling here & I guess I just needed to vent. I've tried talking to my husband about this but he's just as sensitive as I am about it all so I don't like dragging him down with me.

I just want to be excited, is that too much to ask?!?! :confused:

JessP May 24th, 2011 10:26 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?
What you are feeling is totally normal. Are you feeling movement yet? If not perhaps some heartbeat checks will help you get through the weeks until you are feeling movement alot. Also a home doppler has been a life saver for many ladies here. I didn't really start to get excited until I had my anatomy scan at 18 weeks and could see her heart working. Before that I was a mess. It took another week or so to really feel better and although I have moments sometimes still, they are more fleeting. And I am feeling more and more movement every day and stronger ones each week. So that helps. Its hard. My DH told me, he really wanted to me to relax and try to enjoy this pregnancy, its our last. I found shopping helped. Once I got past my initial fear and worry about having to return things shopping has been a good way to stay excited. I have not bought a carseat yet. We have one picked out, I know where to go however I have huge issues with the carseat. I had to return the one we bought after our first loss and it was like lossing him all over again. I am struggling with that purchase. Oh I am rambling. You can hang here with us :) we are fun.

RubyRocks May 24th, 2011 10:54 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?
Jessi thanks for responding - your "rambling" made me feel normal lol! ;)

I felt a bit of movement last week, but nothing much this week. Normal I know for only being 13 weeks, but still. I'm waiting for the daily stuff! I wanted to get a doppler but again, the fear overtook me. Why spend $ on something I might not need in a few weeks? It seems like anything with any kind of permanence I am avoiding 100%.

I totally understand your car seat issue, my daughters new pediatrician is in the same building I got our last u/s with our angel boy when we found out his heart wasn't beating, & it took EVERYTHING in me to walk into that building for the first time after that. I think if I would have known the dr was in that particular building, I would have chosen another doctor lol.

mom2moose May 24th, 2011 11:10 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?
I doubt it ever really goes away until you're holding that baby in your arms! I was a nervous wreck with my first one, and that was BEFORE my loss. Then I had a loss at 10 weeks. My first trimester with this pregnancy was ROUGH!! I was a hot mess most days. It was hard for me to be excited because I was too busy being scared, ya know?? I bought NOTHING for this new baby until I hit 16 weeks. (I was worried I would jinx it.) I'm doing much better now, expecially as I have a busy boy in there and he moves constantly!! I would suggest a doppler maybe, if you want that extra reassurance. Or do what Jess did, and whenever the nerves got the best of her, she went into her OB for a heartbeat check.

We're here for you, and we know how tough it is/can be. Anytime you feel like your nerves are overtaking you, post here and we'll try to help you! Good luck to you!! :)

JessP May 24th, 2011 11:13 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?
I would call the dr for a heartbeat check. Even once a week will help. That is what I did and it made a world of difference. Glad my rambling could help :). I found that I couldn't go more than a couple days but it did help. Usully Mon/Thurs or Tues/Fri I would go in. My nurse was great! I also couldn't bring myself to spend the money on something that would A freak me out if I couldn't find it or just give me bad news.

ZoeChloeMommy May 24th, 2011 11:19 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?
I pondered the idea of buying my Doppler because I had one my last pregnancy, that I got too late. I use this thing multiple times a day, if I could tape it on me and keep it there permanently, I would! I have to say, it keeps me sane(well a little sane ;))

ashj_1218 May 24th, 2011 11:23 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?
It is totally NORMAL! Even though it is frustrating and makes you feel kinda crazy (and sad). I was ridiculous the first trimester and it did not ease up for me until I started to feel him regularly. Even now, if he is not moving a decent amount, I get a little nervous as to what is going on in there. I don't know that it "goes away" so much as lessens and changes. There are new "worries" (after the worry of a miscarriage comes the movement worry and the stillborn worry and then the health worry, etc, etc).

I did buy a doppler and honestly, I loved it. But you are so close to not needing it anymore (I basically have not used it since around 16 weeks), you can make it those last couple weeks. I am with the ladies who say to call or go to the doctor when you need reassurance. They should completely understand and be great :) And then your little one should be moving around some more and give you a little more peace of mind.

Although, I would expect you would also hit a rough worry patch around the time you lost your angel baby. It seems par-for-the-course that people get freaked out around their loss times. We are here if you need us. And totally understand crazy. I can't tell you how many posts I started with "OMG, I know this is gonna sound nuts...." We are used to it.

missy123 May 24th, 2011 12:33 PM

Re: When does the worry go away?
I am due just a few days before you and get scared all the time. I have a doppler that Rebecca ever so kindly let me borrow and I am so grateful for it. I check for the heartbeat at least twice a day. I think without it I would be finding a reason to go to the ER. I bought 2 packs of huggies diapers on Sunday (they were on sale and I had coupons) and I keep looking at them thinking "who will need these". My hubby is usually so supportive but the other day even he said "you can stop being Mrs. Doomsday any time now".

I understand... and if all this makes us crazy then we can be crazy together :)

RubyRocks May 25th, 2011 08:09 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?

Originally Posted by missy123 (Post 23975832)
My hubby is usually so supportive but the other day even he said "you can stop being Mrs. Doomsday any time now".

I understand... and if all this makes us crazy then we can be crazy together :)

OMGosh my hubby tells me all the time to stop "looking for things" to freak out about lol. :p

Thank you everyone for your kind words & encouragement - you have no idea how much it helps knowing I'm not the only one sort of losing my mind right now! :heart:

Will's Mommy May 26th, 2011 08:30 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?
Im about to be in your same boat, well, who am I kidding the worrying has already begun and I am only 3 wks 4 days pregnant! I am just hoping that all the ladies here will be much needed support. :dothug:

AZsnowflake May 26th, 2011 09:27 AM

Re: When does the worry go away?
I feel much better in PAL then I do in the Nov DDC also. I don't think the worry every fully goes away but does get better with time :/

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