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-   -   I cringe everytime (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2584292-i-cringe-everytime.html)

8miraclez October 13th, 2012 05:26 PM

I cringe everytime
Someone posts that they are spotting/bleeding. Not because it's happening, but because others post stories about how it happened to them and everything is fine. I feel like they are just giving false hope.
While I do know some spotting is normal, I also know it can be a miscarriage. Am I just a pessimist?
It is so hard to hold back and not tell them to not get their hopes up.

shen7 October 13th, 2012 06:18 PM

I think if I remember the stats, about 50% of the time, red blood without cramping means miscarriage. It definitely means m/c is more likely than otherwise, but unless it is a full period-like flow with cramps, it is not certain. I had tons of heavy bleeding with M but never any cramps, there was a subchorionic hematoma or something. I thought it was all over multiple times. Esp the time I passed a plum sized clot and soaked an overnight pad in like 5 seconds. My OB said he had had one previous patient bleed that much and have a healthy baby, but only one. It is rare.

Belita October 13th, 2012 07:27 PM

Same here. And when people talk about being reassured by symptoms since I had symptoms out the wazoo with my loss.

momof8lopez October 13th, 2012 08:18 PM

Re: I cringe everytime
I used to feel that way too, until my last two babys had spotting and horrible cramping. I mean, with this pregnancy, I spotted (quite a bit) HORRIBLE cramping, temp drops, blood draw that showed a 66hr double rate (14-16dpo, the ones after that were in the 30hr double rates).......I chalked it up to a definite m/c.....I had two small SCH's.......But here I am, 32wks+ with the most perfect baby boy. Now when I see those posts, I actually do feel some hope for them, not a lot, but some.

I also am more pesimistic than others when it comes to symptoms less than perfect. Its hard not to be after so many loss's.

stargatemommy October 13th, 2012 09:52 PM

Re: I cringe everytime
However I did spot through the entire first trimester of my pregnancy with Peter, and there is no harm in thinking positively...

8miraclez October 13th, 2012 10:40 PM

Re: I cringe everytime
I've had spotting/bleeding in pregnancies too and everything was fine. That's why it hurt even more when I miscarried, because I was assured it was normal and everything was fine.
I just feel like by not saying "well, it could be a miscarriage" it hurts more if it happens.
I'll just continue to not say anything and only offer stories of how everything turned out fine. I'll also continue to cringe every time.

stargatemommy October 13th, 2012 10:52 PM

I have in the past said that miscarriage could be possible and got nasty pms saying I was insensitive. I usually don't respond anymore.

mspkids October 14th, 2012 04:44 AM

Re: I cringe everytime
I tried to be supportive but like Erica, I never responded to people spotting. Though except for the twin miscarriage, I never spotted until the baby was gone.

Having said that, I still checking for spotting at each bathroom break..Bad habit

Leanne78 October 14th, 2012 08:25 AM

Re: I cringe everytime
I know how you feel because I was definitely like that through my 4 losses. Every single one started with brown spotting. So anytime someone posted about brown spotting, I cringed because everyone told them brown was good and it meant it was old blood. I also cringe when people say a line is a line because I've watched lines fade out too many times and no a line isn't a line. With this pregnancy, I had brown and bright red spotting during weeks 7-10 and there really was nothing wrong which shocked me. So now, I'm a little more optimistic about it, but I still don't like just telling someone it's ok. They need to know it could be nothing, but it could be something and they need to keep an eye on it.

LiamsMother October 14th, 2012 08:52 AM

Re: I cringe everytime
I'm one of those people that talks about my positive outcome despite heavy bleeding. I had no idea that this could be interpreted as giving false hope. When I was going through the heavy bleeding, hearing other womens' stories of the same happening but with a happy ending did give me hope, and that helped me get through that time. All I want is to let people know that heavy bleeding does not always mean doom. That's a piece of information that I appreciated hearing and I'd like to pass that on to others who are possibly going through the same thing. I never intend on harming people's emotions by giving them "false hope".

Belita October 14th, 2012 12:36 PM

Amber, I remember you posting a goodbye thread and look at you now!

I don't think it's wrong to give hope to people, I know the hope meant a lot to me when I was miscarrying and didn't know it yet. I just cringe when it's all hope and support and not saying that there could be something wrong.

chickadee October 14th, 2012 01:13 PM

Re: I cringe everytime
I think I know what thread you're referring to, and I'm sure my post is one of the ones you're referencing as giving false hope. I understand how you feel, but I don't think of it as giving false hope. As someone who has had multiple losses and still has not yet held a baby in their arms, that's not something I'd ever want to do. You're right that spotting/bleeding can be a sign of a miscarriage, but it's also true that it's not always the case. Maybe as much as 50% of the time it's not the case (at least, that's the statistic my OB gives me - I'm not sure I think it's quite that high). I've had three losses and one viable pregnancy (this current one), and I've had more on/off bleeding and FAR more persistant uterine cramping with this pregnancy than with any of my losses. I was terrified my entire first trimester with this pregnancy, in part because of my losses (and how hard I had to fight to get pregnant to begin with) but also because I was cramping constantly and had bleeding episodes for several weeks before I learned the cause was an SCH. It was VERY helpful and reassuring for me to learn that not all early pregnancy bleeding means a miscarriage. Granted, I was a ball of nerves before this pregnancy even began, and it only got worse when I lost the twin early on, but I think I would have been pretty close to non-functioning through those first 13-14 weeks without the knowledge that seeing blood didn't automatically mean I was losing the baby.

I would never suggest to anyone that their bleeding/spotting/cramping means nothing, because it has sometimes meant miscarriage (or an otherwise non-viable pregnancy) for me in the past. Depending on the description someone gives in their post, though, I may respond and let them know that bleeding isn't always a sign of a miscarriage - that there are other issues that cause bleeding, and pregnancies may still be viable even with bleeding. Depending on what is posted I may also share information about losses and how those presented for me. Basically, I'll offer whatever info I have at my disposal if I think it could help someone understand what *could* be happening in their case, because when I was going through both my losses and the early part of this pregnancy I wanted as much information as possible to help me make sense of what was occuring. Everyone is seeking different things when they post on a forum like this, I suppose; I just try to offer what was most helpful for me.

martilynne October 14th, 2012 04:08 PM

Re: I cringe everytime
This is my 5th pregnancy and 2nd viable baby. My 2 miscarriages I had absolutely no spotting whatsoever. I had some brown spotting when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with Lilly but it stopped a couple days later. I don't know if my body knew there was something wrong with her or what...No spotting with Jax and then I had red blood at 8 weeks for a day this pregnancy. I had my viability u/s the next day and there was no sign of anything that could've caused the blood.

I think since I didn't have spotting with my miscarriages and I did have spotting in 2 pregnancies that I didn't miscarry I'm not sure what to think. I do try to be positive and usually just post that they will be in my thoughts and prayers (and they are). I do try to post because I have made those spotting posts before and appreciated the support so I try to do the same for others.

melissalaw October 15th, 2012 06:51 AM

Re: I cringe everytime
I completely understand. I feel the same way. Early pregnancy is so hard but I don't think it is wrong to give others hope by telling them your stories of having bleeding during pregnancy that resulted in a baby. I know for me the posts about bleeding always made me really nervous because I thought about that happening to me. I would usually stay away from the post about losses and bleeding early in my pregnancy because it would just make me too nervous.

L-SBB October 15th, 2012 10:09 AM

Re: I cringe everytime
in my own experience, i never EVER beat the odds, i always if anything beat the good odds to have a tiny % bad odds experience. For me bleeding has always ended in a loss, even where OB wasn't concerned...and symptoms have had virtually no impact on outcome (i get horrendously sick and still lose, lose, lose).

But that said, I remember with my first loss being so desperate for any glimmer of hope, any comfort - however slight the chance - that it wasn't going to end in a loss. So it doesn't bother me when others provide their good outcome stories - that's their truth, their reality...they beat the odds while I don't. And I can't say it won't happen for the poster who raises the question...although most have ended up in TTCAL with me, I can point to examples of ladies who were bleeding at same time I was and are now holding their babies.

Where I do respond to them, I don't mention my experience but I recommend they immediately tell their doctor what's happening and wish them luck...while for many it may already be too late, there's always a few who defy the odds & get their happy ending.

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