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-   -   Bad mommy? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2666398-bad-mommy.html)

Sunrise July 18th, 2013 06:59 AM

Bad mommy?
Am I a bad mommy bc I still don't feel like sharing my pregnancy news? We've told our immediate families now but I really don't feel ready to share with "everyone" irl. I guess I may still be afraid to m/c. And I know it's not "as" common at this stage- but I know it still happens. And if it did happen, I'd wish I'd told more people I was pregnant so I could grieve. But right now beanie is my (and SOs) little secret. Protected. Maybe sheltered. And sometimes I feel bad that maybe I'm wrong for thinking this way. I have no desire to share my news yet.

Did/ does anyone have these feelings?

EverydayJoy July 18th, 2013 08:27 AM

Re: Bad mommy?
I don't think you're a bad mommy at all. You're just protecting yourself. Maybe too, you're not ready yet to celebrate with your friends and extended family or hear them be so excited about it. The fear of miscarrying is still too strong yet for you to get all excited.
I was the same way---I told all my immediate family and two close friends, but I didn't want to announce it to anyone else. My husband made the decision for both of us and posted about it on Facebook without my knowledge. At first I was really mad but after awhile I was glad because I didn't have to come to a decision about telling people later.
Tell your friends when you are ready. Don't feel bad about it.

melissalaw July 18th, 2013 08:46 AM

Re: Bad mommy?
Definitely not a bad mommy and what your doing is completely normal. We didn't tell anybody about our pregnancy until we had our first ultrasound and even then we just told my dad, mainly because I work with my dad so it was getting hard to hide how sick I was. We probably won't tell anybody else for a few more weeks and even then it will just be immediate family. We most likely won't tell on facebook until very late in the pregnancy and even then I'm not sure if I will. I hate how hard pregnancy after loss is and how much you worry.

Don't worry about telling just do it when your ready.

Sunrise July 18th, 2013 09:16 AM

Re: Bad mommy?
Thanks ladies. It's hard (on me) when people at work announce so early(!) and I feel so strongly to not say a peep. I second guess myself & my feelings. But mycoworkers are like he ladies on the regular TTC boards or the ddc. If you haven't had these experiences- then ignorance truly is bliss.

humnck July 18th, 2013 10:35 AM

Re: Bad mommy?
It is your news to tell, you get to choose when and who to tell. Don't feel like a bad mommy, sometimes having news like that is fun to keep to yourself too. I was the same way, except that I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I tried, because I was like you, didn't want to tell anyone. Apparently I suck at keeping my own secrets, other people's I can keep, my own, forget it...lol!

Ame C July 18th, 2013 05:53 PM

Re: Bad mommy?
Your not alone. I did announce really early with this pregnancy BUT DH and I feel very strongly about waiting as long as possible to tell his parents. We still haven't spilled the beans to my in-laws. They are obsessive and overbearing, they act like THEY are the ones who are about to have a new baby. Some people might like that but DH and I are semi private people and their behavior becomes overwhelming and stressful. They go as far as trying to tell us what to name the baby, invite themselves to every Dr appointment, talk about how they are going to be IN THE DELIVERY ROOM, and during my last pregnancy they bought a crib, car seat, clothes, bottles (even though I said I was going to EBF), and much much more stuff to keep at their own home in case baby were to sleep over at their house a few nights.... Ummm, NO!! DH's mom even went as far as to ask me to make a death will and put her as the legal guardian if anything were to happen to DH and I. It got CRAZY!!! I just can't deal with that stress this time. I know they will be very hurt and upset when they find out we are expecting and waited so long to tell them, but it's for my own mental health. I just can't deal with all the crazy!

After we lost Clyde my MIL was even saying things like I didn't understand pain... that she felt more pain than I because not only did she lose her grandbaby, she has to see how much heartache DH and I are going through... Umm, yea... she has NO IDEA!!

Sorry I just needed to get all that out. But yea... your not alone as far as wanting to keep it a secret from certain people, no matter what your reasoning behind it is. It's your secret and you keep it for as long as you need to. It doesn't make you a bad person, at least not in my eyes! xxx

EverydayJoy July 18th, 2013 06:21 PM

Re: Bad mommy?
Wow Ame, I think I would wait to tell the in laws until after the baby graduated from college!! Seriously!! That goes way beyond what I would consider appropriate behavior. ESPECIALLY the way she said she was hurting more than you with the loss. I can GUARANTEE that she never felt anything CLOSE to what you were feeling. That's absolutely ridiculous that she would even say that! Ugh people can make me so mad sometimes with their insensitivity and selfishness!!!

Sunrise July 19th, 2013 04:03 AM

Re: Bad mommy?
Ame- she's lucky youre even considering talking to her ever again. I may have written her off if I were you!

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