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-   -   I need to vent... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2667746-i-need-to-vent.html)

AnnaBonana July 24th, 2013 06:17 PM

I need to vent...
I'm just so scared and I can't stop!

I'm having really bad cramps tonight. I just feel like crying. It feels like AF is just about to start, and I had brown spotting today. The cramps were bad enough I went and got a pad be ause that's how much it feels like AF is coming. I checked my cervix and it still feels high and closed, but I'm not really an expert and I don't want to check it again because I'm sure poking it isn't a good idea right now. I also have to pee but I'm so scared of wiping and seeing bright red blood that I've been holding it!

And to top it off, I haven't heard from DH since three. It's now after eight. I know he's probably in the field or something is broke down. I want so badly to just go out and ride with him and listen to music for a while but his father and I had a falling out several months ago and I'm scared to go over there lest there be more drama. So I really want to hear from my DH or at least know what time we might have supper, or tell him how scared I am and I can't and that is super frustrating too!

If I hadn't had a loss I'd be out of the 'danger zone' by now and I'd have a little faith that my body knows what to do. Instead I'm sitting here fighting tears and feeling so ripped off and angry!

EverydayJoy July 24th, 2013 09:06 PM

Re: I need to vent...
I'm so sorry! Cramping while pregnant is SO scary. At the same time, it's possible it could be "nothing" (or just one of those inexplicable things they tell you is "normal" in early pregnancy). Do you have a car to go get checked out at the ER? I'm assuming it's after hours at your doctor's office. Maybe it would be overkill, but then you could at least know whether everything is ok or not. I hope you hear back from your DH soon! Even if I wasn't in the same situation you are with cramps, I would still be worried and frustrated that I couldn't talk to my man.
Big hugs! I'm sorry you have to face this alone right now.

Sunrise July 25th, 2013 04:16 AM

Re: I need to vent...
I'm so sorry. Of course I'd be freaking out too. Can you go to your OB? They can do an u/s. please keep us posted. My thoughts are with you.

AnnaBonana July 25th, 2013 06:40 AM

Re: I need to vent...
Thank you for your kind words, ladies. I'm feeling better emotionally this morning. I'm still having cramps but more of a dull ache.

DH finally reappeared a little after nine. His phone has been majorly acting up. It's hard with him being gone so much of the time and I need to stop panicking when he's busy. We were able to have a simple supper a d watch television together before bed.

My OB is on vacation for a month and the ultrasound department hasn't called me yet for my appointment! I'm not going for bloodwork till Monday. It's so stupid... The last time I asked for b/w to co firm pregnancy, all they did was a urine test! Apparently here in Canada we don't do betas and HCG, you just get a yes or no, you are pregnant. So, my OB did give me a request for HCG test but I know once I use it I won't get another.

As for the U/S, my OB put in a request for one two weeks ago and I'm still waiting on the hospital to call me with my appointment. The booking dept has to call me and there isn't a way to get in touch with them. They'll just call and leave a message saying "your appointment is at x time on Y day" and if you can't make it, too bad! Wait for them to call with another!

Wow, this is a novel. So, I'm just playing the waiting game. Wait for my bloodwork. Wait for my ultrasound. Once those are done I'm going to make an appt with my regular doc to discuss the results of everything .....

Thanks for reading if you made it this far! It feels good to get it all off my chest!

melissalaw July 25th, 2013 06:53 AM

Re: I need to vent...
I'm so sorry that you are scared about losing this baby. Remember cramping is totally normal. When I first got pregnant with Jacob, I had terrible cramping so bad that I didn't even think I should test because I just knew that AF was coming but thankfully AF wasn't coming. So hopefully your cramping is just normal also.

Are you still having any bleeding? Brown blood is old blood but I do know how scary any blood is. Hopefully when you go on Monday for blood work you will have great numbers that will reassure you a little bit.

I really hope that the u/s place gets back to you soon so you can get that set up also. How far along are you?

Empty arms July 25th, 2013 08:26 AM

Re: I need to vent...
Oh Bonana, I'm sorry you are going throw all the stress!! (and then again I'm not, because I guess if it isn't cramping, we will find something to stress over! Better cramping than bleeding, right?!?)
I just hope this cramping goes away, and you get your US appointment and your HCG levels...
I wish I could have you here with me... as long as you pay for it, you can have an HCG test and an US everyday, without a prescription!

humnck July 25th, 2013 11:02 AM

Re: I need to vent...
I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Are you hydrated? Being dehydrated can cause bad cramping. Or it could be "normal" pregnancy cramping, stretching of your uterus really does cause cramping, a lot of it. When cramping isn't accompanied by anything else, such as bleeding (bright red), it is usually considered "normal". And, even bright red isn't necessarily bad. With both of my healthy pregnancies, I bled bright red and a lot of it right around 8 weeks give or take a few days. I thought for sure I had lost my babies, went to the hospital expecting the worst and found out that baby was just fine. If you do start to bleed or can't take the anxiety or stress, head to the hospital, if not for anything else but peace of mind.


AnnaBonana July 25th, 2013 02:16 PM

Re: I need to vent...
Thanks ladies,

I'm four weeks and 2 days now but I've known since 7DPO, so I already feel like its been a long time!

I don't think it's possible for me to be dehydrated. I start and finish every day with 20oz (at least) of water with my prenatals, and I drink club soda as if its going out of style. It's the same as Perrier water. But I have read that needing to pee can worsen cramps! LOL. So, I should just pee when I need to and see if that helps.

I did try my family doc, to make an appointment and talk about HCG levels. He's away for the next two weeks! So it looks like I will get the lab results myself and read them and go from there! If anything seems wrong with the levels I suppose I can go to a clinic in the city or the ER. :s (as a side rant, I'm having a really hard time with the fact that I live in Canada, with all this boasting of 'free healthcare'. Well, it is free but I defy anyone to actually access it. Ugh!)

Thanks so much for the reassuring words! I'm feeling better and much more positive today... And DH and I got to go to town today and pick up some things, so it was nice to spend time together. :)

EverydayJoy July 25th, 2013 04:16 PM

Re: I need to vent...
I'm sorry your healthcare is so inaccessible for you right now! I guess free comes with a price!

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