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-   -   What I've been up to (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2670103-what-ive-been-up-to.html)

Ame C August 4th, 2013 02:25 PM

What I've been up to
First let me apologize for not being as active here as I have been. I've been feeling pretty blah... and some days more on the depressed side. Nothing really in particular is triggering it, well... except my MIL. We finally told the in-laws about this pregnancy last week and ever since she has been wanting to hang out and talk on the phone about baby stuff. It's mentally exhausting! She knows I'm pretty much always home so it's not like I can just ignore her phone calls and pretend I'm busy. I tried that one time when I was making soup for lunch and she said "Oh it's soup, it's not like it's going to burn if you let it sit on the stove for another 20 minutes."

She has already started buying MORE baby stuff for her to keep at HER house, which drives me totally crazy! I mentioned to her again that I want her to stop buying baby stuff, there is no point because I am going to have a really hard time letting this baby out of my sight, but she acted like she was ignoring me. It caused me to have an anxiety attack, so DH answered the phone when his mother was calling back to chat some more, and he told her all the baby shopping needed to stop! I heard him repeat himself several times saying, "No more baby stuff at all." like she was giving examples of things she was still wanting to buy for herself and the baby to use at her house.

Another thing MIL is now trying to "push", is me changing doctors. I told her about some of the issues I have had with my current dr and instead of telling me to switch dr's in general, she is telling me which dr I NEED to switch to. Out of curiosity I checked online and read the dr's reviews that MIL wants me to switch to, and OMG.... this female dr has almost killed several people!!! I read the reviews to DH and he was like "HELL NO!!" I told MIL about her horrible reviews and she insists I give this dr a chance. NO WAY!!! To be honest, after reading all those terrible reviews it makes me appreciate my dr more. :sweat:

I just feel drained, emotional, and annoyed because MIL's craziness just wont stop! I have ignored her phone calls a few times but it doesn't do any good because she keeps calling back. She even warned me, or I feel it was more of a threaten, that if I don't answer her phone calls from now on she will have to drive over here and see if I'm okay and to make sure nothing bad happened to me. It might sound like a nice thing to do, but trust me, she is cuckoo bananas!! She is SOOOOO controlling and overbearing and I don't know how to make her stop!!! DH has talked to her but MIL does what she wants to do. She makes her own rules of what is acceptable behavior. DH is trying to see if there is anyway we can have everything ready to move by December or January, but in all honesty, I don't see it happening until *maybe* April.

Anyways... that has been my life the past 4 days. I have logged on here a few times but just can't find the energy to actually reply to posts. At least Aug 19th isn't too far away... I am looking forward to finding out if baby is a girl or boy. DH and I will be keeping it a secret from the in-laws. They just don't need to know. It will only make MIL's shopping much worse if she knew what gender this baby was, especially if baby is a girl... I know MIL will NOT respect the "No more baby shopping" rule if this baby is a girl. She has already told me all the stuff she will go crazy buying. But yea... there is my vent for today. I'm praying she listens to DH and myself and STOPS. I'm a private person and need my space from her.

EverydayJoy August 4th, 2013 03:12 PM

Re: What I've been up to
Wow, what an awful predicament to be stuck in!! I'm so sorry you are getting all this stress.

What about really laying down the law--such as just telling her how it's going to be--you will talk to her on the phone once a week, etc...and then not picking up the phone if (when) she calls all the time, and if she drives over, you can keep the door locked!! I think maybe she sounds like a spoiled brat whose own mother never taught her any manners or boundaries! Maybe you and DH need to play hardball with her in order to get some sanity going. If she gets hurt feelings, OH WELL! She is hurting your feelings plenty and IMO, she needs a dose of her own medicine. UGH people like that drive me nuts. I'm surprised you haven't escaped to Timbuktu.

geogeek August 4th, 2013 03:53 PM

Re: What I've been up to
I am so sorry that you are dealing with that. I can only imagine how stressful that is. I hope that she can figure out how overbearing she is being and stop! She definitely seems like a crazy. (((hugs)))

I am excited about your ultrasound! We are having our first one that day as well. Great day to have an ultrasound I guess! Good luck.

AnnaBonana August 4th, 2013 04:17 PM

Re: What I've been up to
I'm so sorry. I have a host of my own in law issues that I won't even bother to expand on.... But I will say I'm sorry you're going through this. I am not telling my in laws about the pregnancy until we tell the general public. And I have a SIL who has already told me she plans on going nuts with toys, presents, baby things etc. the problem is that DH and I live in a TINY house. It is not really suitable and we can't have it full to the brim of stuff!

But that's my rant, LOL. I agree with setting very firm boundaries. Being "busy" can mean any number of things. Watching a movie, taking a nap, talking on the other line to a friend, or even cleaning the house. These are all things that you do need to get done in a day and its no one else's place to judge. DH also needs to help, so hopefully he is able to stand firm with you.

I hope things get better. Dealing with cuckoo in laws is never a fun thing!

Sunrise August 4th, 2013 05:24 PM

Re: What I've been up to
I vote for laying down law. Let hubby handle it. No offense, she's lost her marbles.

melissalaw August 5th, 2013 07:06 AM

Re: What I've been up to
Amy I'm so sorry that your MIL has been behaving this way. She is definitely overbearing and crazy. I wish you and DH could move today. That would definitely make your pregnancy alot less stressful. DH may need to try to convince her that pregnancy is stressful enough without having her hounding the crap out of you. If she won't leave you alone either you or DH may just have to be mean and tell her that you need some space.

I hate that she won't leave you alone. It's too bad that you just couldn't hide the pregnancy from her until baby gets here. And when baby gets here you most likely will not want her taking baby for more than a few hours. I have never spent a night away from either of my kids except for the few days I was in the hospital when Jacob was born. I missed Jackson terribly those few days even though I was focused on the new baby. so she will have to just get over it when baby is born and you won't let baby spent alot of time at her house because I'm guessing that will be the case. We are here for you anytime you need to vent about the crazy lady.

Ame C August 5th, 2013 01:44 PM

Re: What I've been up to
Lol, thank you ladies. Some of the responses made me giggle which is always good. :smile:
Yep, MIL is a nut-ball but y'all are very right -- it's time to start being tougher with her because apparently she just doesn't get it. I will let y'all know if things start to clam down. No phone calls yet today which has been nice, but maybe it's because of something DH said to her because I haven't had a chance to say anything to her yet about her excessive calling. I was trying to avoid that conversation to be honest, but hoping DH handled it. I know she was driving him crazy too.

EverydayJoy August 5th, 2013 02:11 PM

Re: What I've been up to
I'm glad you are getting a little break so far! Whew! Hope the golden silence continues! ;)

melissalaw August 6th, 2013 07:49 AM

Re: What I've been up to
Hopefully she will continue to give you a bit of a break.

AimeeD041727 August 6th, 2013 08:06 AM

Re: What I've been up to
Why are MILs always a pain in the butt! Hopefully it will get better.

doremi August 7th, 2013 01:20 AM

Re: What I've been up to
The financial guy Dave Ramsey is always recommending the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud when people call in with stories like yours! I've been meaning to read it, because I have my fair share of crazy stuff that goes on with MY inlaws too. If you want to keep the gender a secret from her, you'd better make DARN SURE there is no possible way somebody who knows her IRL is reading your posts here. Just sayin'....I hope she backs off and gives you some space. I was exhausted just reading about it, and you have to live it!

humnck August 7th, 2013 08:16 AM

Re: What I've been up to
WOW, just WOW! I have minor issues with my MIL, but for the most part she is pretty good to us, especially my girls. I can't imagine dealing with that. I have dad/stepmom issues though and that is bad enough. When my sister and I have been pregnant, we have fielded our father and stepmother for the other. When I was pregnant before Addy and lost it, my stepmother (serious crazy bags) was upset like a month after the loss that we hadn't told them that I had the baby, she actually thought I had had a healthy baby and kept it a secret. Thank goodness she said that while on the phone with my sister, because I would have completely lost my marbles with her!

Anyways, I agree, try laying down the law with her. If her feelings are hurt, I bet it won't last long. Tell her when she calls, you don't answer the phone when you are going to the bathroom...lol! And then just tell her that you spend a lot of time in there because the baby is right on your bladder :)

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