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-   -   I'm not sure how to process this... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2675329-im-not-sure-how-to-process.html)

AnnaBonana August 28th, 2013 06:39 PM

I'm not sure how to process this...
I had my first midwife appointment today. It went really well overall and I quite like her!

Here's the sad thing. We discussed my early bleeding g / passing clots, my super high HCG, and my abnormally large gestational sac. She said that these three things together point to the early loss of a twin.

Of course, there is no way to know for sure.

It just made me sad. I feel like if we did lose a twin, that little baby will not be properly mourned and recognized. I feel like I should *do* something....

But in the end, I'm still having a healthy pregnancy.

It's a very strange thing to contemplate.

The rest of the appointment was really great. She is very supportive and I talked a lot about my cow analogies. She thought that was neat. (DH is a dairy farmer and delivers probably a hundred calves a year. The best thing you can do for a cow in labor is to not interfere. Another big question in my mind has always been "Why don't cows ever need episiotomies?" They never need stitches after birth, either. It has always puzzled me. Is the cow really that much better designed than the human? That's my rant for today.)

Anyone else have an appointment soon or recently? How are you all doing?

geogeek August 28th, 2013 07:47 PM

Re: I'm not sure how to process this...
Yeah, I have helped deliver loads of calves and that is one of the things that made me want a natural labor. I am sorry to hear about the possible twin. I was kind of thinking the same thing when you were going through it. You can choose to do something for that,potential baby or not. That is your mommy instinct to know what you need to do to find joy in the baby that you are pregnant with. :dothug:

lelila August 28th, 2013 07:48 PM

Re: I'm not sure how to process this...
Well, I don't know about the cow thing. But I recently had a discussion with my OB about what *might* had been a loss for me many years ago. She said "If you never had a formal confirmation, then don't count it. Don't put yourself through that kind of questioning and pain."

I'm sorry your midwife said something like that to you. It's not fair to give you doubt. Spotting, even heavy spotting with clots happens early on, and it doesn't always mean vanishing twin, or loss. A very close friend of mine lost a twin at 6wks and never had any spotting.

And high HCG doesn't necessarily mean twins. I had high numbers from the start too. I remember you posting your numbers and mine were just as high. Almost 400 at 13dpo and doubling every 45 hours. Nearly 11000 by the next week.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that pregnancy is about the future, the life of a child to be. Don't dwell in the past, mourn what may or may not have been, or second guess decisions already made. If you have had one or more losses, that's a near impossible thing to do, I know. I relive my nightmare from last winter almost every day.

Take comfort in the life you have in you. Hold on tight to every day you have with it. Remember to breathe.

melissalaw August 28th, 2013 08:30 PM

Re: I'm not sure how to process this...
I'm so sorry about the possibility of the loss of a twin. I do agree with Leia that there are other reasons for high HCG or spotting so it may not have been a loss. I also agree that you should focus on the healthy child that is growing inside of you. Losses are so difficult and I wouldn't dwell on one that may not have even been a loss.

So happy that baby is doing good.

momof8lopez August 28th, 2013 08:52 PM

Re: I'm not sure how to process this...
Just wanted to let you know, I too, had a large gestational sac (measuring 1wk bigger at 5w4d it was 6w5d) extremely high hcg ( I posted about it here in this board, it was over 65,000 at 6w2d) and alot of spotting. I also had a blood draw between 16 and 18dpo that barely went up.... I too thought the same thing about another twin that did not make it, as I had all the classic signs. Im happy it was never confirmed as I would of just worried about the possibility of it affecting the rest of my pregnancy.

Im sorry your feeling so sad about this, and hope that soon you will find comfort in the little one that is here with you, thriving and getting big and strong for mama.

Ame C August 28th, 2013 10:01 PM

Re: I'm not sure how to process this...
I understand the feelings associated with "not knowing" and I'm so sorry you're dealing with the emotions that follow it. It's very confusing and mind boggling, but I agree you shouldn't dwell on it. That's counter productive and maybe it's best not knowing? I'm happy to hear everything is still going very well for you and your little bean.

AnnaBonana August 29th, 2013 06:07 AM

Re: I'm not sure how to process this...
Thanks so much everyone. It's so true. I really need to focus on this one happy healthy little gummie bear I have. And I will never truly *know* the truth.

I knew I could come here for the insight I would need. I really do appreciate all the support from you ladies. ((Hugs)) and thanks everyone!

L-SBB August 29th, 2013 07:57 AM

Re: I'm not sure how to process this...
I really do understand how you feel - both my RE & OB felt that the SCH I had may very well have been a lost twin but due to the confusion around my pregnancy start date (long story, they thought I was 5wks instead of 8wks) by the time they did the scan it was impossible to confirm whether twin loss was the cause of the SCH. The uncertainty does leave you kind of lost as to how to feel...in the end I chose to focus on what could be confirmed, and didn't emotionally process it as another m/c. It's hard enough to deal with the worry of being pregnant after a loss anyway, without adding an uncertain twin loss into that mix ((((HUGS))))

EverydayJoy August 29th, 2013 09:29 AM

Re: I'm not sure how to process this...
I'm sorry to hear you had some sad news there...I hope you can move forward and just love on the little one that is growing inside of you. Big hugs!

Oh and as for the cow stuff, I have read a Bradley birthing book, and the author wondered the same thing---if animals can give birth alone, without needing medical intervention, then what's wrong with us? And the author concluded that while we may need a little coaching to know what to do in a birthing situation, we are fully capable of doing the same thing as the animals---birthing without interventions.
My birth with Kody was no interventions, other than breaking my water to get things going so my husband could be home for the birth of his son! I was 5 days overdue and dilated to 5.5 but not really "in labor". DH had to leave in 2 days and I wanted to be sure he could see the birth! Anyway it all went well and nobody had to tell me how to push or what position to be in or anything. A lot of times, interventions aren't necessary, in my opinion. But sometimes they are definitely necessary, in event of an emergent situation. But in my opinion, we mess with birth too much these days.

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